20 Lessons In Love For Happier Relationships

There's a quote from Tony Robbins that says, "Success leaves clues."

Love is the best thing.

If you are familiar with my writing, you're well aware of the influence my parents' love model has had on my views of healthy relationships. They continue to live this example 40+ years later.

These theories and practices were reinforced by my life experiences and built a future for Rachel and the girls.

Here are 20 lessons I learned in love. They can help you avoid future heartbreak.

You can only learn certain things by experiencing them or reading about them.

1: You don’t fall in love; you make it.

One of the most common misconceptions about love is that you find it along the way. It's like a blanket that you wrap around yourself once and it stays with you forever.

You will find the person you choose to fall in love with.

Love is an action -- a verb -- and it will be tested many more times throughout your life.

For some, this can feel daunting and difficult. You are either not prepared or with the wrong person if this is the case.

It's exciting and energizing to build something that will last a lifetime with the right person. You want it to be a part of your life because you want to live the best, most fulfilling, beautiful life possible.

You can't get anything more valuable for free.

2: Love someone as they are.

This is often learned from frustration and heartbreak when we try to fix or help someone. We desire so much for them that they don't want for ourselves. If we love them right, they will realize their potential and begin living up to it.

We know from experience that to make a change, someone has to decide to do the work to become the person they are capable of being. You will continue to be disappointed if you don't make the decision to change.

3. Appreciate the gift that is time itself.

While time will teach us valuable lessons but we must first learn to appreciate it as a vehicle. It is easy to take it for granted as each hour, day and week pass. We suddenly find ourselves celebrating another birthday, another holiday, or another milestone that seemed so far away. It is easy to forget how quickly time can go. This is why it is important to stay present and alert.

Because time is a precious commodity, maturation will help us appreciate when someone spends more of their time with us than they do on us.

They give us a piece in our lives that we cannot return -- which is the ultimate sign for true love.

4: It's better to be single than in a bad relationship.

It's easy to get caught up in the attraction of a relationship simply for the sake of it. This makes us feel more socially accepted, or has the ability to get approval from someone else -- all things we discover as we age.

A deep sense of fulfillment and self-love is a prerequisite for avoiding external sources. When we don't feel the need to be fulfilled, we are empowered to eliminate people who don’t live up to our standards.

5: You will not experience your future if you hold on to your past.

People who don't learn from history will repeat it. To move on and find happiness in our lives, it is necessary to let go of the past. You can take the lessons you learned from the past with you in a bag and carry them around. But, it's best to get rid of the dead weight.

For a reason, the windshield is bigger than the rearview -- you can look back at your past but you'll crash if you concentrate on it.

6: Both of you must put in equal effort.

Relationships that are great aren't about giving and taking are about giving and receiving. When they show you how much they love you, you will know that you have found the right partner.

7: Don't be afraid to express your needs. They'll never get met.

Your partner is responsible for meeting your needs.

It's your responsibility (effectively) to communicate your needs, desires, and wants -- what you will and won accept as part of the relationship's parameters.

It's not fair to criticize someone who fails to meet a standard they didn't know existed.

8: Some people are just too stupid.

If you're anything like me, you'll always seek out the positive in people and look high and low to find something amazing about them. You will meet people who make it difficult. Accept them as they are and let them go. It is too important to not allow negativity into your daily life.

9: Substance can be sexy.

Although physical attraction is essential in any intimate relationship, it can't be the only thing that keeps you connected through all of life's trials and tribulations.

A partner is valuable if they have substance, depth, integrity and dignity as well as intelligence and compassion.

10: Love isn't all you need

You don't need love to be happy. It takes mutual respect, compromise and sacrifice, understanding, willingness to work hard, and the ability to stand by your partner when things get tough. It is important to be there for them during both the good and the bad times. To encourage them to be the best version possible of themselves. But also to love them and accept them exactly as they are.

11: Two people who are good at their jobs might not be a good match for one another.

It doesn't have to be the fault of one person that a relationship ends. It doesn't necessarily have to be a devastating event or a failure. Sometimes, two people don't get along well and there's no way to make it work. Accepting this fact sooner allows us to move on and gain insight into why it didn’t work.

12: You can't rely on anyone else to make your life happy.

When they aren't already happy in their relationship, people who seek happiness in it never find it. Why? You need to organize your life first then share it with someone else. You will never be happy with a relationship if you're unhappy being single.

13: Every day, a relationship should be lit like a fire.

Imagine lighting a fire in your fireplace.

It starts to smolder and then it burns, then it sets itself ablaze.

Everyone who has done this knows that eventually the flames will shrink as the fuel is used up. To keep the flames burning bright, you must add more wood to the fire and allow it to burn.

We have to do this as long as the fire is burning.

It will eventually stop paying attention if we stop paying it attention.

This is the same for a relationship: If we want it to continue burning, we must keep it lit each day.

14: Both of you need to be open to learning.

Living a happy and fulfilled life requires personal growth. It is impossible to be happy and remain stagnant.

Sometimes relationships can end because only one person was willing and able to do the work to improve.

One partner will eventually outgrow the other.

To make a relationship thrive, flourish, and grow, you each must be willing to do the hard work. Not only as a couple, but also individually.

15: It didn't give you what it promised, but it did teach you what it wasn't.

While not all relationships are meant to last, they can teach you and prepare for the ones that do.

16: Honesty is always the king (or queen)

We all have a desire to have fun when we are young and we tend to be a bit more relaxed. As we get older, we realize the importance of being open and honest about our needs. We also appreciate it when others do this for us. There will be a time in your life where you are not interested in playing games or being dishonest.

17: Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be work.

There are no guarantees that everything will be sunny and bright and bunnies running through fields. You will face challenges in your life and in your relationships. I won't pretend to tell you everything will be easy. It should flow naturally for the rest your life. You'll never argue.

The good must outweigh any negatives. Your teammate should make you feel like they are adding value to your life and not trying to take it away. It should feel like it is going to crumble if it's not your priority to make it work.

18: It's important to protect your interests.

It is easy to get caught up with the attraction of someone new in the early stages of a relationship. It's possible to want to be with them all the time, which can be great if you have a mutual connection. As the relationship develops, it becomes important for each person to pursue their passions and interests. This is especially important because that is what attracted our partners to us. Not The foundation for a healthy relationship that includes two happy, fulfilled people is co-dependence.

19: Treat your relationships as a team.

One of the most important lessons that I have learned from my parents (who have been together for over 40 years) is that they approach everything as one cohesive group.

No relationship is perfect. However, it's much easier to overcome them when we stand side-by-side with our partner in the face of the outside world and all its changing circumstances than if we look inwardly at each other and try to blame.

It is not "me and you", it's "we".

20: You are worthy to be loved

Perhaps the most important and most difficult lesson to learn is that you are an intrinsically valuable human being who deserves the love you give to others .

True self-worth and self love can take years to attain. It is not an easy process. However, it is possible with the right experience and inner work.

When you understand your worth, it's easy to stop trying to negotiate it or giving your time away to people who don’t deserve you.

Your self-love directly influences the love you receive from others. Anything below this standard will start to fall apart.