1989

January 1st 12am

Happy New Year!! I wonder what will happen in 1989, I could get off with James, I could go off James or I completely go mad over someone else who I’ve never even met yet, because this time last year I’d never even seen James Bridger!

I have just watched The Trouble with Michael Caine and found out that he is very gorgeous and funny. I also taped it so I shall watch it again tomorrow. There is also a Michael Caine film just starting so I shall watch this in bed now. There is a little picture of him in today’s paper so I shall cut it out. Michael hasn’t appeared in this stupid film yet.

A bit later... Ah there he is! I wish I’d taped it now cos he looks lovely. He is 55 years old but he doesn’t look it and he has a lovely voice!

January 2nd

Yippee I am going to Whispers with Laura & Natalie but I have promised solemnly not to go anywhere near Dave. I don’t want to go anywhere near that bastard anyway, James is the only one for me.

James didn’t go to Whispers but we saw him walking along the street and saying to his friend that he was “fucking going home and staying there!” So I was terribly upset.

Dave was there with this tart who had a blue velvet hat on, a pink blouse and bright red trousers. I do think I like Dave more than James as James didn’t look very nice tonight but Dave did.

I watched my Michael Caine programme today with Brian. There is one quality I have found in Brian and that is that he is a big Michael Caine fan.

January 3rd

Me and Laura have lost all our friends. This morning we were talking to Sarah Collings and Kirsty about a party they went to that me and Laura weren’t invited to where Sarah Collings was with Dave Logan!!! So jokingly, me and Laura started calling her a slag.

In geography, Sarah didn’t say a single word to me, after school Debbie told us that we had gone too far and that Sarah Collings is very mad and upset. So tomorrow I shall have to apologise to everybody and beg for their forgiveness, but I’m totally in love with Dave and Sarah knew that but she still got off with him. Slag.

January 4th

Natalie, Kirsty, Debbie and Wendy are all talking to us now but Sarah Collings still hasn’t said a word to us or even smiled at us. Anyway, I have stuck a picture of Michael Caine on my Tipex bottle. It is a black & white picture of him stood next to his spitting image puppet.

Today I’ve been asking everyone if they watched Wildlife on One last night because I thought there were ants the size of dogs but it turned out they were normal sized ants amongst a little model village, when I thought it was a normal-sized village.

January 5th

Hurray! Me and Sarah are friends again! In geography I let her borrow my Tipex and she was surprised by the Michael Caine picture on it and couldn’t stop laughing. Then we started laughing and talking and being stupid as normal.

I couldn’t find my art folder today so I was looking in a pile of old folders and I came across Dave Logan’s from last year and I was nearly crying because I love him. It has a Benetton sticker on it because he’s so cool. He is very good at drawing actually!

I have worked out that to go to the Royal College of Art, it will cost me £4,350.

January 7th

Sandra the dinner lady has invited me and the twins to her 21st birthday party at Rooftops. My mum says I can’t go but my Dad says I can so I’ll sleep at my Dads.

January 8th

Tomorrow I have to get someone to come on holiday with us because I can take a friend to Costa Brava where we are going with my dad. I am slimming! I am even going to do games tomorrow!!

January 9th

Didn’t go to school today because Mum didn’t wake me up. At about 5pm I had a very long and relaxing bath using all my smelly things. I used my M&S bath-salts, my M&S flannel, my M&S bath gel. I felt very nice afterwards.

I will phone Dad tomorrow and ask him for money for a red jacket and some cheap shoes which I shall wear with my jeans for Whispers next Monday.

January 10th

I HAVE GOT A MASSIVE BIG SPOT ON MY FOREHEAD WHICH EVERYONE CAN SEE AND I AM IN A VERY BAD MOOD!

I’ve asked Sarah Collings to come on holiday and she says yes but thinks I’m kidding what with it being free.

On Monday I’m going to whispers with Laura, Sarah and Kez. Kez can’t wait to see this "James" who I've been going on about for 5 and a half months, so he had better go!

January 14th

Me and Sarah went into town and guess who we saw... JAMES! and I have never felt so embarrassed because I had a M&S carrier bag with teacakes and Cocopops in it. SOOOO embarrassing!! I am in love with him, he is absolutely gorgeous.

January 15th

Had a Sunday lunch which was quite nice apart from the turnip.

Listened to the top 40 which was rubbish.

Taping a film which is rude!!

January 19th

Sarah is coming on holiday with me! We are going to have a competition to see who dare chat up the oldest man. Sarah says whoever chats up the oldest man gets to keep him. Instead of going to Whispers to look at boys we are going to the old folk’s home.

Top 3 men: Michael Caine, John Thaw, Paul Newman .

Mr Bone in Geography saw my picture of Michael Caine and says that people say he looks like him. He does a bit, but uglier.

January 22nd

Went ice-skating and got a nasty comment from this girl with twigs for legs, I fell over and hurt my back. My dad tried to get out of the carpark without paying and the barrier hit his car.

Mary (my Dad’s wife) think Michael Caine is fanciable “in his own way".

I can’t wait to go on holiday it will be brilliant!

I am going to look for a picture of what I want my hair like now. I’ve found one in Kays catalogue. If I have my hair like this it will be nice up high or low, down... or curled.

I wish I looked like that model who’s always in Just 17. I think she’s half Chinese or something. I wish my Dad was Chinese... I love Chinese food too.

January 24th

Me and Sarah Collings are going to complain about Mr Bone because he keep molesting us in geography.

Sarah’s mum says she’s not allowed to hire a moped on holiday... so I suppose she’ll have to go on the back of mine.

Nanette has ruined the picture of how I want my hair so I’ll have to find another.

I wish we had the Next Directory.

Was going to cut a picture out of Michael Caine but his hair looked too slapped to his head like a wig so I left it.

January 27th

It was awful in Geography. Mr Bone told me off about my maps not done properly and he said that he would spank my bottom if I didn’t do my work properly and Sarah nearly wet herself with laughing. I think it will be Sarah’s turn next week.

January 28th

Went into town with Dad and Nanette and I was going to have my hair done at Avante Guarde and my Dad started laughing and pointed at guess who... Dave Logan!! and Dad said “Why don’t you have your hair like that Melanie?” and I felt so stupid. Later, Mr Gibson (my English teacher) tried to sell my Dad a socialist paper and my Dad said he was a Tory and told him to get lost!

Bought a 4B, 3B and 2B pencil.

January 31st

I am going to the Whispers in half term holidays but I’d like something new to wear and James had better go. I’m going to try and be very confident and talk to him or something and get him to notice me because I just can’t stand it any longer just watching him with other girls.

February 1st

I bet I have to see Mr Bone today in his office about skipping geography yesterday.

Later... this morning Mr Bone asked where I was yesterday afternoon and I told him I went home poorly at dinnertime, BUT today Nanette told him I had gone horse riding with Sarah Collings so it looks like me and Sarah are getting done thanks to my snotty little sister.

We have won about £150 on the pools but it has to be shared between Mum, Grandma and Auntie Jean so it won’t be much.

Saw James in town and I think he is working as a butcher at the moment because he had a bloody butcher’s apron on and some acky jeans with some little black wellies... BUT he still looked absolutely gorgeous and I still love him!!!

February 4th

Went with dad to Granada Television Studios in Manchester and it was brilliant. We had a video made of me, Dad, Mary and Nanette talking to Betty Turpin in the Rovers and my Dad looked TINY. Even Mike Baldwin was bigger than him. Our names were even on the credits. While we were there I bought Krypton Factor mug.

Brian split up with my Mum.

February 6th

Watched Solo For Sparrow where Michael Caine said 2 lines in a stupid Irish accent and got shot and died. Everyone who I love gets shot. Brookside was very good though. Sammy Rogers got drunk.

Went to look at a house which was horrid and it had a picture of Arthur Scargill on the wall.

Mr Bone has done nothing but get on at me in geography and he called me a dumb idiot, the stupid bastard. God I hate that pervert!!!

Mum brought a man home called Barry who is married but he can get us tapes to borrow and tape so we can ask him to get us some.

I might write to Jim’ll Fix It asking if I can meet Michael Caine.

February 12th

When we got back from Dads, Barry was here and he’d bought Mum a box of chocolates and some flowers and me and Nanette some chocolates and we gave him a list of tapes to get us.

Gene Pitney and Marc Almond are still number 1 and I’m fed up of it.

Watched The Clothes Show but it wasn’t that good really.

Mum says I can’t go to Whispers tomorrow and I could kill her!

February 13th

I am totally gob-smacked I just can’t believe it. Good god I must be dreaming. I went to the Whispers and James was there!!!

We were stood at the side and he came over and did a stupid dance at the side of me and said “Do you like my silly dances?”. So I said “Yes” and asked if he’d seen a black glove because Carley had dropped one and he said that he had 10 black gloves hidden on him and asked me to find them. Then I asked if he knew who Carley was and he said "Yes, she’s a right slag" and I agreed. Then he went for a dance and was waving at me from the dance-floor and was looking at me for ages and I was going completely mental. Then he was stood at the side of me again and I dropped some money on the floor at the side of him and he bent down to pick it up and gave me a soft little kick on the bum. God I love him more than anybody, even Michael Caine!

Which reminds me, my mum taped over my Michael Caine video.

February 14th

God I am just so much in love. His beautiful slitty eyes, his lovely bum, his nice short hair and he doesn’t live as far away as Michael Caine in Beverley Hills. I should have sent James a Valentines card instead of Michael Caine.

Good grief, we have seen James in town with his apron and wellies on and he looked soooo sexy and I am really really REALLY in love. Nanette said he was looking at me. Laura phoned up and was on for ages, she thinks James fancies me.

February 15th

Me and Nanette went to town and James was there outside BHS with his apron and wellies on, smoking, When he smokes it really turns me on.

Brian Tilsley got stabbed on Coronation Street and I think he’s probably going to die.

February 16th

Fwwooorrrggghhh!!!! Saw James again outside McDonalds and almost got run over by a fire engine!

I am annoyed with my Mum, all I have left of Michael Caine now is Solo For Sparrow.

February 24th

I’ve reached two great decisions!

a) To grow my hair quite long, have a soft, wavy perm and dye it ginger.

2) To buy those shoes tomorrow .

Had fun doodling in chemistry, geography and maths.

Watched Mona Lisa and Michael Caine looks gorgeous in it but he got shot at the end and slid down a wall leaving a trail of blood and with a big white rabbit sniffing at him. I showed the ending to Nanette and she started crying because she felt sorry for the rabbit and was worried about who would look after it hahaha .

Had a laugh in chemistry writing down all the men we fancy on Sarah Collings’ carrier bag.

Moonlighting was on and I was supposed to tape it for Nanette but it went wrong and she’s going to have a paddy.

I thought I did really well today concerning my holiday diet because for my dinner I had an apple, orange and a banana and chocolate pudding and custard but then I had toast and jam when I got home and a very big tea so I really didn’t do that well with my diet.

Shit, I’ve left the landing light on!!

I’m going to sleep now cos I’m bored. Haven’t done my maths, English or geography homework. Poo!

Taping Play Dirty where Michael Caine is a general in the first world war. Sounds good, can’t wait!!

February 25th

Play Dirty was quite boring and Michael Caine got shot as usual.

God I’m starving to death!!!

I’m not doing games tomorrow so I’ll write myself a note saying I’ve got a cold.

15th April

There’s been a horrible thing in Sheffield at the football ground. Where too many Liverpool fans were crammed in and loads of people were crushed to death. Anyway, I went into town and saw James. He was wearing a blue stripy apron and wellies.

10th May

Went to the corner shop with Sarah Collings and Nanette and the shopkeeper gave us all a free can of lager.

We went to Jessica’s house to play trivial pursuit and Dingbats and at about 2:30, Daz, Michael and Jase knocked on the door and obviously Jessica had an absolute fit cos her mum and dad were in.

Went out at 8pm with Sarah to Brooks. It was dead good. Dave, Steve, Benny and Scott were all there and later, Chris Chambers came in and kept taking his trousers off to Donald Where’s Ya Troosers. I puked up when I got in but it was into the toilet and it was only once so not too bad.

When I got in, my mum told me to pack my case and go and live with my dad because she doesn’t want me anymore.

Sunday 25th June

I’m in Estartit in Costa Brava!

We arrived at 10:30am and went to the apartment. Me, Sarah and Nanette had beans on toast and were served by this very cute man. Me and Sarah went to this bar called Ranchos and the barman gave us a free Bacardi and coke. He had lovely eyes. Sarah fancied the glass collector and we call him “him with hair” even though they both have hair. The barman has got lovely cute big eyes and dead messy hair. He's gorgeous but he looks so cute and innocent too. I can’t even say that I miss James because I think I’m in love with the barman!!!

Mary got very drunk on 4 Bacardis and coke and me and Sarah had 7!!

26th June

God I am madly in love with that barman and I can’t cope, Sarah is in love with “him with hair”.

27th June

Went to Ranchos and talked to the barman. He’s called Franchesco and he bought us loads of drinks and asked me to stay until 2am so he could show us this nightclub called Maxims. Sarah left before me but I got in at 4am and she got in at 5am with all her hair wet!!

28th June

Tonight me and Sarah got ready to go out but we couldn’t be bothered so we bought a bottle of coke and sat on the balcony with my Dad's bottle of whisky. This boy from Liverpool called David came round and said my Dad was at his apartment and that he’s the same age as me and Sarah and can he come out with us. We said "No" because we were meeting Franchesco and “him with hair”. Then Sarah smashed Dads bottle of whisky so David came in and cleaned it all up so we said he could come out with us after all. Some of his friend dies at Hillsborough so we felt a bit sorry for him.

We went to Ranchos and Francheso bought us loads of drinks again. He asked me to wait until 2am again as he had to lock up the pub but Sarah was paralytic so she went home.

29th June

Went to Ranchos and Franchesco bought us the first drink but then when I said I wouldn’t wait until 2am again he said we had to pay for them! How awful and mean of him!!!