100-1=0, this is human nature

There is a sister Zhang in my community, who encountered a depressing thing some time ago.

That weekend, her neighbor Xiaoqi and her lover had to work overtime, and no one looked after the child, so she asked her to help take care of it for one day.

In fact, several times last year, it was also because the couple worked overtime and sent their children to Zhang Jie's house.

In the evening, when Richie and his wife went to pick up the children, Zhang Jie said.

"Sorry, I didn't pay attention for a while, the child licked and the knee scratched some skin."

Richie's face suddenly changed when she saw the child knock. When Zhang Jie apologized, she only gave a "well" cry and left with the child.

When Zhang Jie saw Richie's face pale, she was very unhappy.

After returning home, my lover said to Richie:

"Zhang Jie kind to help us look after the children, also didn't mean it. Your face just now is too ugly! "

Richie said.

"My child is injured, how can I show her a good face!"

In this matter, I don't think Richie did it properly.

It's understandable to see a child's distress when she is a mother, but she can't live without a word of thanks, and she shouldn't forget the hard work of Zhang Jie in taking care of her children before.

I have seen a saying of "100-1=0", which is of course wrong in mathematics, but it is true in human nature.

There is no shortage of people like Xiao Qi in life. You have been kind to him 100 times, but he doesn't remember. If you don't satisfy him once, he will turn his face and deny others, and erase all your kindness to him before.

Morphy said.

"Someone asked you for help. I expected you to help ten points. As a result, you only helped seven points. I feel that you are not brave for convenience. Instead of thanking you, I feel that you owe him three points.

Many human grievances are caused by this. "

People's hearts are dangerous, and the world is difficult. Not everything deserves your help again and again, and not everyone deserves your kindness.

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one

Don't underestimate the evil of human nature

There is a question in Zhihu: What is the greatest evil of human nature?

A netizen's answer is:

"The greatest evil of human nature is not gratitude, but kindness."

In real life, there is no lack of people who repay kindness to others, and they constantly refresh people's cognition of human nature with their own behavior.

Wang Jing, a famous Hong Kong director, has a friend, Li Jiaxiang, who lost his job in the financial turmoil. He hopes that Jing Wong will help him find a job.

At that time, Jing Wong was directing the filming of a police bandit film, and the crew was short of a logistics staff, so Jing Wong invited Li Jiaxiang to take up the post.

Since then, Li Jiaxiang has been the logistics of the crew for several films directed by Jing Wong.

Once, when a new movie was about to start, Li Jiaxiang went to Jing Wong and asked him for a job as an actor.

Considering that Eric Li had no performance experience at all, Jing Wong advised him at that time:

"You may not be able to perform. If you feel that logistics is not suitable for you, I can reschedule it for you."

Who knows, in front of all the actors in the crew, Li Jiaxiang was furious:

"Do logistics salary is too low, you are sent begging? Even if you don't help, don't be a good person! "

Say that finish, and roared off.

Not only that, he also spread rumors about Jing Wong everywhere, saying that Jing Wong was a snob who only recognized money but not friends.

If you can't meet your own requirements once, you will turn your face and deny people;

Not only did he completely forget his friend's kindness to him before, but he also repaid his kindness and spread rumors. Li Jiaxiang's evil of human nature was disgusting.

The magic of human nature lies in:

When something bad appears, all the good parts will be automatically filtered, then the bad part will be infinitely magnified, and even the last person will be completely denied.

Just like the old Chinese saying, "You give others too much help, and they will take it for granted, and then ask you for it indiscriminately. If you don't give it, he will blame you instead.

There is no lack of people like Li Jiaxiang in reality:

If you help him a hundred times without remembering your kindness, once you refuse, once you are absent, and once you are indifferent, they will bear grudges and "deduct points" from your heart.

Therefore, never underestimate the evil of human nature, and ungrateful villains must stay away in time.

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Two

Don't spoil the ungrateful heart

Wenyou Huo Hui said in an article:

"why are there so many people who don't understand gratitude now?

Is used to by good people.

Some people don't deserve your kindness. To be kind to such people is to add fuel to the flames of "evil". The result of conniving at others is cruelty to oneself. "

Yes, with the help of my duty, I will only spoil others; The kindness that crosses the bottom line will eventually hurt yourself.

Writer Ma De told such a story in the article "Good temper spoils others".

Ms. Liu broke up with her best friend who had been with her for more than 20 years, and she was crying and sad for a long time.

The reason why she cried was not that she didn't want to lose her best friend, but that there was nowhere to tell her inner grievances.

She said that they were college classmates, but they were not in the same department, because their best friend looked like her sister, so they came together.

Girlfriends are smart, intelligent, but a little selfish.

Ms. Liu indignantly said:

"For so many years, I always thought that if I eat more losses, I can influence her.

For more than 20 years, Stone has become hot, but she has not changed at all. I always suffer and always let her do it. "

This time, it was only because Ms. Liu wanted to talk to her best friend, but the other party said she was humiliating herself.

My best friend also said that she had changed and began to care.

Ms. Liu lamented:

"yes, in the past twenty years, I haven't told her a word of' no'.

All blame me for spoiling her. "

There is a line in the movie "The Godfather":

"A soft heart without borders will only make each other push their luck;

Unprincipled kindness will only make each other do whatever they want. "

Human nature can't stand connivance. If you don't really pay, others will remember it; If you are not generous, others will know gratitude.

Your sincerity may be in exchange for betrayal, and tolerance may be in exchange for opposition.

There is an effect in psychology called Beber's Law.

It means that when a person experiences a strong stimulus for the first time, the stimulus given afterwards will become insignificant to him.

In fact, interpersonal communication is also the same reason. Long-term unilateral efforts will make the other party accustomed to it, and then take all your good things for granted, which will further consume you.

If you want to change this situation, the other party will accuse you in turn.

Therefore, we should not only keep kindness, but also know how to refuse moderately.

Don't spoil ungrateful people and feed ungrateful hearts.

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three

Your kindness should be given to the right person

Have seen such a sentence:

"If you are worried about a person, you can either get a self-knowledge or get a lifelong lesson."

Kindness is precious, and not all people deserve it.

For those who know their kindness, it is mutual affection to help him; Ungrateful people, it is their duty not to help.

Help must be divided into things and people, not blindly paid, and your kindness should be given to the right people.

A few years ago, Ni Ping sponsored four poor college students to study.

In the past four years, only one student named Cui Yong often sent short messages or emails to Ni Ping to report her study and life.

Every holiday, I will sincerely call Ni Ping to bless her. Every year, he brings some special products and agricultural products from his hometown to Ni Ping.

Some people say:

"It's not a return to help you, and you don't lack these things at all."

But Cui Yong said.

"People don't want to repay, they are noble, but I can't help but know gratitude.

I can't afford those expensive gifts either. These things made in my hometown represent my parents and my gratitude to her. "

After hearing these words, Ni Ping was moved to say:

"These things are the most valuable. What is more valuable than your heart?"

In 2011, when Ni Ping was caught in the whirlpool of public opinion because of the "Republic Backbone Award", the first comforting call she received was from Cui Yong.

This made Ni Ping feel very gratified. On the eve of Cui Yong's graduation, she helped him contact his work everywhere.

Dale Carnegie said in the weakness of human nature:

"Gratitude is a product of great education. You can't get it from ordinary people. It is human nature to forget or not thank."

People who know how to be grateful understand the truth that "no one is born to be good to anyone", and they will not take the kindness and help of others for granted, but are willing to show their gratitude for the benefits and give back to others.

Such a person is worthy of your deep friendship; It is really worthwhile to give your kindness to such people.

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According to the theory of communication, to achieve harmony in interpersonal relationships, a certain balance must be maintained.

The relationship between people is based on the equality of personality and delivery. Only in this way can our interpersonal relationship be harmonious and healthy.

Only by paying unilaterally and continuously, there will be no good results, and such a relationship is doomed to not last long.

Huang Zhizhong said.

"The kinder you are, the more you need to be smart. You can be a good person without being hot."

Kindness should have a bottom line, a scale and a proper edge.

While being kind to others, we must grasp at least three scales:

First, don't blindly lower your self-esteem in order to cater to others while doing good deeds;

Second, help others should be moderate, emergency should not save the poor, and help the poor and not lazy;

Third, we should know how to refuse, and dare to say "no" to blindly "ask for" and "consume".

Kindness is precious, so don't waste it.

For the rest of your life, I hope you will take care of your kindness, and that you will be treated with tenderness when you meet someone who is worth cherishing.