Where'd Ya Get Those Eyes

Wind blows through the chimes outside. A fan rhythmically oscillates bringing temporary moments of comfort keeping sweat at bay. My dreams are disturbed by the neighbors clamoring lawn mower. Sounds like he might need to get that serviced.

There are only a couple of days out of the week where rays of light accompanied by outside noise progressively becoming busier replace my alarm. No need to check the time, no need to get out of bed. Most people would get up, get dressed, make some coffee, and go about their day, but not me. On days like today, I like to take my time. Soak in the minimal amounts of leisure before putting on a facade for the world. Technically, I have no days off. Any time away from the workplace is time spent preparing for the following week and as much as I would like to proceed with being one with my bed, getting started on my tasks to have time later to fully relax without any stress nagging at my conscious seems more logical. I probably have packages at my doorstep anyway asking for a troubled neighborhood kid to take them home.

Being a Props Master can be tasking at times, but ultimately rewarding. The current production our team is working on is a slasher horror film. Part of my job is to find the most realistic props with the best deals. Usually, you can find what you’re looking for on Amazon or a film-specific prop site, but sometimes you get lucky with niche websites at a bargain. You’d be surprised by what you can find and what people are willing to solely create. No judgment here. I just need what you’re selling without being ripped off. I’m counting 4 out of 5 expected packages, but this isn't uncommon. The site where I placed the specific order was hard to find, so I don’t expect anything more than sub-par service. Week after week, orders are delivered to my residence. Saves me many wasteful trips to thrift stores and antique malls. Thank God for the internet.

Although I occasionally have to work from home on my days off, I at least get to do what I love in the comfort of my own home. Not having to worry about what you look like is a huge plus. The coffee at my place is far better than that cheap coffee brewing in a giant metal container you’d find at Sunday mass. Plus, I get to zone out and do what needs to be done while a record plays in the background instead of orders being barked at me by the higher-ups. Feels like a Louis Armstrong kind of day. Comfy clothes? Check. Coffee? Check. Louis’ sweet silky voice serenading me? Check. Time to open some packages.

Every Saturday feels like Christmas as I sit on my blue twill couch, tearing through every box as if I were 6. Despite these boxes being for work, the feeling of being a kid again will always be present. Can’t describe a more perfect scenario. Well...almost perfect. The constant motor running outside doesn’t fit the vibe I’m trying to achieve. How much grass does he have? Anyway.

I swap the laptop in exchange for my coffee cup on the coffee table like Harrison Ford in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. I have many tasks on my plate, but like to start with the most fun one of all to get the ball rolling. Inventory can be tedious, but it doesn’t bother me. Make sure everything is counted for, the quantity of each prop, how much it costs, what account was used to make these purchases, etc. Helps production run smoothly with minimal kinks. We have the majority of our props already at the studio, but as we shoot, things tend to get added last minute.

The list I need to check off today contains nothing but body parts. If these packages were see-through, I think my postman would ask to be placed on a different route or probably even transfer to another facility. I need 10 fingers, 4 ears, 2 noses, 4 gallons of fake blood, and a set of eyes. All accounted for except those baby blues. “Jeeper’s Creeper” starts playing through my speakers. The universe sure does have a sense of humor. I sing along as I step away from my work, but it’s hard to enjoy the moment with that obnoxious sound roaring outside. Opening a window is probably out of the question. I’ve lived in this house for many years to know it doesn't take that long to mow the backyard. He cuts that grass far more often than needed, anyway. Maybe we can come to a compromise. As I make my way to the back door, the sound starts to become louder and clearer. It’s almost as if the sound is coming from my yard. No. Even closer. Is that sound coming from my deck? Out of concern with how long that sound has been going on and whether it possibly be something wrong with my property, I swing the door wide open to reveal something floating in front of me. Is that….a drone? Has there been a creeper spying on me this whole time?! With further inspection, I see a small package attached to it. Confused and cautiously, I step closer and as I reach a certain distance from it, the package drops from the drone and gracefully floats away. Still stunned, I try to put all the pieces together from the moment I opened my eyes till now. I get a notification from my phone saying my last package has just been delivered. Embarrassed, I quickly pick up the box and rush inside hoping no one notices their neighbor being paranoid about a delivery drone. “This film has been getting to my head”, I jokingly said softly. I sit back down and feel relieved that not only my last package has been delivered, but finally have peace and quiet. My attention turns to the record player as it skips, repeating the same line over and over, “Jeeper's creepers, where'd ya get those peepers? Jeeper's creepers, where'd ya get those eyes?”. Talk about irony. Laughing off the whole situation, I grab the box to check off the final item on my inventory list. With closer inspection, I realize the package has no writing on it, no postal stamp, no address, nothing. It’s quickly brushed off due to never experiencing a drone delivery and a notification being sent to my phone. This must be the way things are done now. A foul stench, increasing in potency, violates my nose as each second passes while opening the package. A note reads, “Dear valued customer, I hope you found everything you were ‘looking’ for!”, ending with a smiley face.

I stare down in shock with tears running from my eyes as “Jeeper’s Creepers” continues to play on a loop. Seems the universe does not have a sense of humor after all.