The Zombie Apocalypse Alarm System

"Sue, I've got an idea," Jared excitedly says to me.

"What's your idea?" I ask, both curious and concerned about what his latest idea will be. I love Jared, but this last week has definitely tested our marriage in ways I never expected. Of course that'll happen when you're trying to survive the end of the world as you know it.

"I think we should set up an alarm system around our property to warn us if the zombies come for us. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate either. We could setup some cans on strings to warn us and they'll stumble into them."

"That's...not a bad idea, actually," I say, surprise in my tone.

"Yeah Sue, I HAVE been known to come up with some good ideas on occasion," Jared replies sarcastically.

"Lately you've been batting 1000 in the bad ideas department, my dear, so this is a pleasant change of pace."

"You're just not going to let go what happened with the bull or aquarium," Jared says.

"Sweetie you should know better by now. I never let go of the things you did wrong. Gives me some ammunition for lovely conversations like this one we're happening."

Jared wisely says nothing else and instead just walks out the door. I watch him go and for a moment consider going after him and apologizing. I'm giving him a hard time, but I'm also frustrated with the situation and in a couple of them, he made the situation worse than it had to be. I'm pretty certain at this point that it won't be zombies that get me, but his crazy ideas on how to deal with the damn things.

I go back to cleaning the guns and then loading them with ammo. I can't tell him everything or micromanage him. At some point he just has to figure it out and that's one of the things that frustrates me with him, because it seems to take him a while to figure things out. Still, when I need him to come through, he usually does.

For the next hour I just work on the guns, cleaning them, loading them and entering into a flow state while doing it. There's something peaceful about the experience because all that matters is me and how well I take care of these guns, so they can take care of me and Jared. I'm surprised when I've gotten the last gun cleaned and he still hasn't returned. It shouldn't be taking this long to do whatever it is he'd doing.

I walk out the front door, pistol in hand, hunting rifle hung over my shoulder. I warily scan the front yard. There's not a zombie in sight, but I'm also not seeing Jared.

"Jared!" I yell.

No response. Where is he?

I'll walk into the front yard. There's rows of crops swaying in the breeze, but I don't see him anywhere among them. I walk down the driveway, carefully scanning for any sign of zombies.

"Jared!"

Still no response. I anxiously crane my head, trying to spot him and debate turning around and heading back to the dubious safety of the house. It's getting darker out and I hear a "Whoo" and look around, spotting a dark barn owl in a nearby tree. It hoots again and then takes off and flies. The barn owl is the only sign of life. I sigh and turn around to head back to the house.

He's normally more reliable than this. I wonder if I pushed him too far. There's been a few occasions over the years where I pushed him too much and then he'd get really distant. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't mind, but these aren't normal circumstances. I wish I hadn't let my irritation get the better of me.

I circle around the house toward the backyard. There's more crop fields back there, though most of them are toward the front of the house.

"Jared!"

"What?!"

There he is. I see movement among the corn crops. He's got some aluminum cans in his hand and he's stringing them amid the corn to wooden posts he's set up.

I feel a wave of relief and irritation go through me.

"What's taking you so long?"

"It takes time to set up a good alarm system, especially when that system is low tech. I'm trying to be thorough and I'm almost done."

"Do you really think this is going to help us against zombies, especially the types we've been dealing with? They don't seem like the type that shuffle around slowly."

"It's better than not having anything, isn't it?"

He's got a point. If we're lucky a zombie will trip on one of his can alarms and warn us, which will be better than not having anything to sound and alarm. But it brings up another question for me.

"Jared how are we going to hear these alarms from inside the house? There's no way they'll be loud enough for us to hear."

Jared pauses and scratches his head.

"Uhm, I didn't think of that. If we're outside though we'll hear them and sometimes I'm out here with the crops and so are you, so it could be handy then."

I want to yell at him, but he has a good point. If we're outside these are better than nothing.

"A for effort, Jared, A for effort," I say.

"Why do you have to be like that with me?" Jared tersely replies.

"Be like what?"

"You critique everything I am doing to help us survive."

"I am, because most of it isn't helping. Even this alarm system is half-assed, Jared. I know you're trying, but sometimes it isn't enough and if we somehow survive the zombie apocalypse, we're still going to have to deal with the realities of life. I need you to be on your A game, and you haven't been. You could have been doing other activities today that would be more productive than setting up an alarm system that pretty much anything alive can avoid."

Right then we hear the jingle of the cans as something walks into it. Jared gives me a silent look of vindication and I roll my eyes at him, but pull my pistol out. Jared has his rifle out and carefully steps backward, scanning the area for whatever could have caused the sound. We tensely wait and yet I'm not hearing the tell tale cries of the zombies. All i hear is the sound of the cans coming closer to us.

A few moments later a cat comes rushing out, a couple of aluminum cans wrapped around it. It loudly meows at us and I start laughing.

"There's your zombie apocalypse alarm system Jared. At least it'll warn us if zombie cats are coming," I dryly say.

Jared flushes and then kneels down and gets the aluminum cans off the cat.

"This is what I'm talking about Jared. I know you meant well, but this isn't the best use of your time. Maybe these aluminum cans will warn us of something, but then you have to put them back up. That's a time waster, and I need you on the ball, instead of wasting time."

"I just...I just want to feel like I have some kind of control," Jared replies.

I walk over to him and reach out.

"I know, baby, so do I. But this and the other half-baked plans aren't the way forward. We have to work as a team and that's not going to happen as long as you continue to come up with these crazy plans. I need you to work with me so we survive the zombie apocalypse and what comes after."

Jared wearily nods his head and I hold him for a bit. I should have seen this earlier, realized that he is just as frayed as I am. I have to pull together with him as well, if we're going to survive the zombie apocalypse.

To be continued...