The Toxic Avenger

The Toxic Avenger is classic, quintessential viewing for fans of bad cinema. It's the only T&A-infused splatter film that somehow spawned a kid’s cartoon show (The Toxic Crusaders), and it has relentless good-times appeal in the form of bloody violence, slam-bang action, and, yes, the aforementioned nudity. Tits. Tits. (Are we getting the message across? This film has tits in it. But, compared to other films, not an excessive amount—just enough to keep you interested, I fear.)

It hails from 1984 and must have been shocking forty years ago. Today, not so much. It’s a little, heartfelt family story of a nerd-boy named Melvin who works as a janitor at a seedy, hole-in-the-wall fitness club in Tromaville, New Jersey—a place where body-beautiful 1980s narcissists work out while smoking, eating donuts, and screwing each other’s brains out.

(Important note: the film also includes outdated and offensive portrayals, such as gay characters depicted in stereotypical "swishy" ways. I don’t endorse these characterizations, and they absolutely wouldn’t fly today—for good reason.)

Blood Diner, a movie of similarly low-rent, sleazoid origin, also parodied the then-modern health club craze and the '80s obsession with toned perfection—twin manias that also fueled the murderous rage of Patrick Bateman. The opening theme song, "Body Talk," plays while people pump iron on Nautilus machines and shake their cans.

Melvin the Mop Boy (Mark Torgl) doesn’t fit into this world. He’s the butt of sadistic jokes from psychopathic jock Bozo (Gary Schneider) and his sleazy friends, including cartoon bimbos (Cindy Manion, Jennifer Babtist) who pretend to be into him. Melvin—who has a distinctly unappealing profile, one leg of his jeans inexplicably rolled up, and seems afflicted with a mild cognitive disability—is as much a cartoon character as anyone else in the movie. He’s a cringing dork-o-rama in canvas Cons, terrified of Bozo and the gang—and understandably so.

Bozo and his beefcake buddy, along with the two trollopes, drive around at night Death Race 2000-style, running over pedestrians for “points” in their sick game. Eventually, they set Melvin up in a prank involving a pink tutu and a sheep. Humiliated in front of a jazzercising crowd, Melvin dives out a window and lands in a vat of toxic waste left by dope-smoking truckers. Cue the bubbling skin and oozy mutation: Melvin becomes (drumroll, please)... The Toxic Avenger! Or “Toxie,” as he comes to be known. (Played by Mitch Cohen and voiced by Kenneth Kessler.)

This "hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength" begins a righteous rampage against Tromaville’s criminal underbelly. While taking out comic-book-style bad guys in a Mexican fast-food joint, he meets Sara (Andree Maranda), a blind woman who falls for him. They move into a toxic waste dump and get down to business. (It’s a good thing she’s blind because Toxie is not just another pretty face.)

But trouble’s brewing in the form of Tromaville’s corrupt, morbidly obese Mayor (Pat Ryan Jr.), who wants the town’s new mutant vigilante exterminated.

The Toxic Avenger is more fun than a barrel of monkeys in a vat of nuclear sludge. It was directed by Lloyd "Uncle Lloydie" Kaufman and Michael Herz (and likely a few uncredited maniacs, too). It’s classic Troma—so you know what you're getting: sex, violence, blood, guts, gross-out humor, and tits. But this isn’t “camp” because that would imply it tried to be a good film and failed. No. This film knows it’s a cinematic turdball and just shrugs, goes with the flow, and doesn’t give a rat’s ass.

As Kaufman himself put it:

“We don't apologize for anything. We're not trying to make movies that please everybody. We make movies for the fans who love us—and screw everybody else.”

The Toxic Avenger is a no-budget love letter to superheroes, mutant monsters, grindhouse action, and movies with an even higher breast count. I’ve seen it a few times in my life, and every time it’s like visiting an old friend. In Tromaville, of course

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