The Soliloquy

Author's Notes: This is part five of my serial thing that started with Intrusive Thoughts of a Psychopath?. You can find the links to Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 below. I recommend reading those first.

Intrusive Thoughts of a Psychopath?

The Dinner Invite

Glory Fades...The Morning After

In That Sleep of Death, What Dreams May Come

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I licked my lips deliciously as I opened up my laptop, not my work laptop, but another I picked up so I could use it for more illicit activity. I opened Tor and went to that dark place, the dark side of the web.

I had found an interesting post on Reddit that led me here, to this strange little blog. I had found it surprisingly easy to avoid all the bottom of the sludge pile that is normally found there. Maybe because I didn't go looking for illicit images or humans to traffick. That wasn't anything that interested me in the slightest.

The slow and painful demise, though, that sounded delightful. I often wonder about whether the deserving would be better to kill or not. Who's to say who is deserving...not me.

Sitting at the white marbled breakfast bar in my very modern and sophisticated kitchen. It's a very classy setting, and looked like one of those aspirational images you see in lifestyle magazines. All clean and pristine. Bryan was asleep, bless him. Tying my hair in a messy bun, I made sure the webcam on my laptop was covered. I don't want the kinda creeps that frequent the dark web to get a free show of me in my little cami and briefs, covered only just by my thick and luxurious Egyptian cotton hooded dressing gown. Biting and licking at my lips with fiendish delight.

It was a very plain and unassuming little blog, which when you consider what was available in that dark place, every bit the very definition of the depraved and unquestionably abhorrent, was rather tame. Like it didn't belong here...almost.

The About Me page was what drew my attention. I had written quite a few of them for clients in the past, and always found them fascinating, trying to pick out what were the truths, half-truths and outright lies.

This About Me page was different, though, and just a tiny bit pretentious. But, it drew me in.

The ramblings of a madman, perhaps...but I read it...enticed. I knew I was heading down a path from which I would find it hard to return from...and I was excited.

At the edge of reason, at the fringes of my mind's darkened shadows, I long for an ending that surpasses the beginning.

We begin our life kicking and screaming, covered in blood and bodily fluids. I wish for an ending befitting that beginning.

The screams, the hurrying here and there, the lack of serenity, in yet a magical moment.

The dance of the dead, is minimalistic and stationary sway at best. But, it's a dance that is most fascinating. At least, for me, it is. Covered in blood and bodily fluids, hopefully not just of my own. My own demise would be beautiful, if it prolonged and lasted as I felt the life inside me seep out, steadily and gradually.

Give to me, this which I need to survive in death, cruel mistress life. I hate for I hate, I love only the fear and pain inflicted on others. Pain and misery be the blood and lifeforce of thyself and all that walk among me. Death offers experience. Grief offers emotional depth, that I have yet to experience first-hand.

To slice away at the sensibilities of those around me, literally and metaphorically, with stabs at the heart and stabs of the heart, with daggers of steel and daggers of protruding flesh that points from my mouth.

I welcome death and so will those I introduce to it. The next stage in our life cycle. I will unburden them of life and bring to them sweet delight. I will offer their loved ones an exhilerating and learning experience they can't get from books or attending even the finest institutions.

This is my promise, this is my destiny, this is my life's work.

Perhaps it can be ours...don't you think, Janine?

*

Thanks for reading!