The Other Side.

The mirror showed a reflection that wasn't my own.

I was always unsure of myself. I had been since that horrible day that my little girl had died. She died in a fire.

A fire that I had always blamed myself for.

The fire had started because of a gas explosion caused by an old gas pipe that had been left unchecked. We had all the vital checks done when we moved in, and we had been told that everything was fine, but it wasn't fine.

The gas pipe had been faulty and nobody had noticed it.

I had started cooking tea and it was getting late. I had just turned on the cooker when there was a sudden BANG! followed by a mass of flames. Everybody had been safely evacuated, but my little girl died of gas inhalation before she got to the hospital. Ever since that day, I had blamed myself.

"Why did I let this happen?"

"I should have done more to save her!"

"Why did I live, and why did she die?"

I felt tears trickle down my face, and I hated anybody seeing me cry so I ran to the bathroom where I couldn't be seen and let the tears fall. My stomach ached, and all my muscles twisted in agony with the pain. I stopped crying and splashed my face with cold water. I looked into the mirror, I looked fine apart from the red puffy eyes. However, the reflection suddenly distorted into a blur, then it changed. I moved away from the mirror for a minute, then I went back to it and it was clear. I sat on the toilet seat for two minutes to clear my head.

"It must be just because I'm upset," I told myself, but I wasn't sure so I decided to have another look in the mirror.

When I looked into the mirror again, the reflection was clear. I walked out of the bathroom and headed downstairs for a calming Chamomile tea which usually calmed my nerves.

The tea didn't work. My thoughts were racing.

"What happened in that mirror?"

"Am I crazy?"

"Why am I alive, and not her?"

"I'm sure that I saw something in that mirror."

"I could have saved her!"

I became overwhelmed with tears of anger, and my heart was aching; aching for comfort, and aching to bring my daughter back.

"That would never happen. My beautiful baby is gone for good."

I felt a sudden urge to run back to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet and examined the mirror. It was something to do; something to take my mind away from the thoughts that tormented it.

I looked into the mirror again, and the same thing happened; the image in the mirror became a blur. This time, I stayed a little longer, so I could see if anything would change. To my horror, I saw a trickle of blood run down the glass then something strange happened; the blood disappeared. Suddenly the bathroom smelled of gas,

but that was strange, as there was no gas in here at all.

Panicking and shaking, I attempted to unlock the bathroom door but the lock was jammed. My heart and pulse began to race, and sweat dripped down my forehead as I realized that I was trapped and there was nobody who could rescue me. Luckily I had my phone with me, so I tried to call a friend but when I tried to unlock my phone, the phone became hot to touch and I screamed and then dropped it hard, smashing the front screen to pieces.

After a few moments of attempting to deep breathe, I got up and looked into the mirror and as I looked, I recoiled in horror as a deeply scarred and burnt face looked back at me.

"You did this! Its your fault!" the voice from the face cried.

My breath had become heavier, to a point where breathing was no longer breathing, and I vomited.

"YOU put me here!" The voice cried, louder this time.

"I'm so sorry..., I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I blurted out in a breathless voice.

The bathroom darkened, followed by a large wail from the face in the mirror, which was then followed by lightening strikes.

My reality had gone from one of sadness and grief, to extreme anger and danger within seconds of me entering the bathroom.

I curled up into a violent shivering ball on the bathroom floor.

"Say your sorry again," the voice screamed.

I realized that this was not an adult voice but a child's voice.

My little girl's voice.

However, it couldn't be; my little girl was dead.

Tears ran down my cheeks like a million heavy waterfalls flowing at once. My heart felt like flames were burning inside it, ready to scorch me like I scorched my child.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a deep guilt.

"Why did I murder my child?"

"WHY...WHY...WHY DID I DO IT?"

The voices continued to taunt me as I sobbed so hard that my face hurt.

"You wretched, disgusting BITCH! You are unfit to be a mum!" the voice shouted back at me.

I didn't respond, I just kept crying.

The blood was still trickling down the mirror, though now it was heavier. It pooled into the sink like treacle, though it never went down the plughole, it just sat there. I tried to turn the tap on and flush it away, but it wouldn't budge. Tears were falling down my face, my loud sobs drowned in the thunder and my face hidden in the now dark bathroom. I was still bent over the sink, and my tears were falling into the blood. As they fell, the voices quieted.

I realized that this little girl was the ghost of my daughter, and she needed my tears to fall into her blood so that she could cross over to the other side.

She needed me to grieve both my loss and hers.

"I'm sorry Amy. I really am. I'm sorry you had to go, and I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I love you," I cried back at her, keeping my head bent over the sink so that my tears continued to fall into the blood.

There was a loud roar of thunder which shook the entire bathroom, followed by three strikes of lightening.

"SHUTUP! SHUTUP! JUST SHUTUP!" Amy screamed back at me.

Everything around me started to smash. The rinsing glass on the shelves, the glass bottles, and the window. The bathroom floor started to crack beneath me. It took every bit of strength I had, but I knew I had to tolerate it.

My little girl was haunting me because she was in pain, and as her mum it was my job to let her rest in peace.

"Please Amy. I love you. I never meant for you to be taken from me. I never meant for you to get hurt and die. I miss you." I told Amy between tears and sobs.

Amy started crying loud with me, which made me cry even more. It seemed that Amy was trying to wash her own pain away aswell as mine. The thunder and lightening had stopped, and the blood was disappearing now. The ground had stopped shaking, so I stood up to face the mirror. I reached out to touch it, needing to feel the warmth of my daughters skin, but there was no warmth; just ice.

The image had become clearer now, and I could see who was behind the mirror. A beautiful young girl, aged nine, with long black hair and beautiful brown eyes that were full of tears stared back at me.

My daughter.

Tears fell down my cheeks. Maybe this is what I needed, so that I could grieve properly; to see my daughter one more time.

"It's ok Amy. You can rest now." I told her, and the image faded allowing the mirror to become normal again,

and I curled up on the floor and cried. I cried for the love we both shared, the love I had lost, and the beautiful daughter I had that was now gone.

The next day, I did something I hadn't done in many years. I visited Amy's grave, and I placed the mirror and a beautiful bunch of Violets on her grave. With tears in my eyes, I finally said my goodbyes and all the guilt was gone. I stopped blaming myself, and although I still think of her; I do it with happiness rather than sadness.

"Always remember I love you, and I always will. Goodbye my beautiful Amy, you can rest now."

I slowly walked away with a tear in my eye, but I still smiled as I looked back.

I vowed to never make my daughter feel lonely again. From now on, I would visit her grave every day.