The Interrogation

“How long has it been?” he asked, reaching over to adjust my microphone since I couldn’t.

"Around four years, on Tuesday," I began reluctantly. The metal chair hardened with every tick of the clock behind me.

“Okay, tell me about him,” the man inquired. Trying to compensate for the tension in the room. "Who was Nathan Salveski?"

“Nate was a student going to school on a full-ride, 4.0 GPA; he had his entire life carved out for him. Captain of the football team, four years undefeated. He was a good kid, but a total douche. The homecoming king who flirted with teachers for an A.” Millions of thoughts laced my head. 'One at a time,' I soliloquized.

The man stared at me, his eyes piercing through mine." What was your relation to Nathan Salveski?"

“We were in love, the real kind," I choked out.

"I wasn't aware there were any other kinds. Casey, are you up for this?" A rhetorical question that came without my consent. I sat up, knowing I had to face my demon head-on. Sensing my tension, the interviewer read from the script on the table. “Did anything happen prior to the incident?”

“There was this party, nothing ever happens in this town. I brought him coffee, the night before, to convince him to go with me. He saw through my peace offering the moment I stepped in the door. 'We've been over this, Casey, I could use the extra practice and study time. Psych finals are coming up.’" I instinctively lowered my tone, mocking him. Am I allowed to mock him? Composing myself, I added: "I asked him if he would do it for me.”

The man jotted something down in his notebook and looked up at me. “How did Nathan respond to that? Did you two usually butt heads?” His pen immediately touched the paper, lusting for more.

“It was supposed to just be a disagreement. That wasn't my Nathan. I remember him throwing: ‘I’ve got plays to run for next week’s game. Not everyone wants to party their 30s away!’ at me condescendingly as he shut the door in my face. Nathan knew my weakness was worrying about the future. The bickering was normal for us, I can be a self-indulgent hot head at times, I am working on it. But this time something was different, I love you was normally our unspoken goodbye.” His pen sat there, ridiculing me.

“Casey, let's try to focus on Nathan. Can you begin to describe that night?” The man asked cautiously, almost anticipating the appropriate opportunity.

“The party was everything I wanted, but I decided to come back a day early to surprise him. You’d assume a University like Michigan State would make it a priority to regularly check on students and faculty on campus, especially during a break.” I forced out, trying to compensate.

The guy sounded mellow, "I don't need personality, Casey, tell me about that night."

"We didn't leave on the brightest note, so I didn't want to escalate anything by blowing up his phone. I assumed he was busy with practice. He usually had early mornings on the field or was nose-deep in a book. I didn't want to hover,” I said as contempt as I could. I wanted nothing more than to get up and stretch.

“Go on,” he filled the silence, “was there any communication?”

"'Hey Nate, how was practice?', I texted him when I was on my way home and then: Read 8:52 pm. We had our fall-outs, but we never let it linger like this. My luck, trying to surprise him, turns into a scene." His pen immediately started having a seizure.

"8:52 pm," he mumbled to himself under his breath. "You arrived that afternoon?"

"I think so," My wrists were screaming under the table. "I knocked twice, and the door just opened. Not thinking anything of it, I put on a smile, ready to embrace him. I remember feeling frozen at the threshold. Nate was at his desk, frosted eyes fixated on his textbook. The smell engulfed my senses…how far should I go?" My stomach started dancing, and the fluorescent bulb was clouding my innocence.

"I need as much as you are willing to give," the officer said. He was glaring at me, like a barn owl locked onto its prey.

Flooding with guilt, I closed my eyes and took a breath. "There was a gash under his left ear, all I remember is black." I croaked, my voice was shaky. "His physics book and desk were pooled with black." The scratching of the pen's epiphany was loud enough to make my neck twitch.

"Then?" He stared at me, blankly.

"I woke up to people I didn’t recognize, bombarding me with questions I didn't know. I just sat there until the police arrived. I was waiting for myself to wake up, for this nightmare to be yesterday's conversation," the silence was so loud, I couldn't even think. You could hear my pulse over the clock. He might as well start throwing tomatoes at me.

"Why'd you do it?" the officer asked.

"I-I don't..." he cut me off before I could plead my case.

"You are being charged with the first-degree murder of Nathan Salveski, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you," the officer repeated mechanically, putting back on my chains and escorting me back to my cell.

The truth is, Nathan actually enjoyed the party. Said he had never felt so free, that all his worries were gone for a moment. He was never the type to drink, or even go out with friends. I begged him for days to go. I needed to break the routine we were so comfortable in. We had to live a little! I don't remember how I lost him, but I couldn't let my baby have a bad trip by himself. So, when I found him, I knew we had to go home. I want to forget that party. He must've got tired and wanted to lay in the tub. When I found him, his nose was leaking sorrow. Searching his eyes for Nate and seeing nothing; a shell. I should've sat him upright, but I wanted to watch. I could feel his pain, begging to be released. So, I helped him. I watched all the pain, security, and freedom drain out of him. I turned on the water and wrapped him in a wet towel. Finding help would be the easy part. No one at the party even knew that night was real, they were as distant as we were. We went home, and like the responsible girlfriend I am, he still had time to study.