Star Dance

No one ever told her it would be like this. The world seemed blurred around the edges as she took in the dancing that was going on above her head. Little specks of light that seemed to have a pulsing rhythm that made sense in some bizarre way in the back of her mind. Like a dance to a song that she’d heard long ago and forgotten the moves to. A choreographed rhythm that spun and jumped, twirled and pranced, walked, ran, and moved in a way that was twined in the very fabric of existence. It was peaceful and strong, gentle but insistent. It was, at the core of itself, Life.

No one ever told her it would be like this. She was starting to believe that nobody actually knew. That there really wasn’t any plan or way to know that contemplative thoughtfulness that had filled life itself. She wondered how many others had been in her place, watching that gentle rhythm play out above their heads. Understanding in that moment that the world was connected in such brilliant and beautiful ways, in ways that no normal person had the ability to comprehend.

No one ever told her it would be like this. They all had theories of course. Ideas planted in their heads from traditions placed long ago that had long since lost their original meaning. She’d never given them much thought, accepting that it wasn’t her place to know, but now that the moment had come, she finally understood the connections in the universe.

No one could have told her it would be like this, because up until that moment, no one had known. There was no sound, no color, no taste, or smell. It was truly unique then, this moment of clarity. The world spun on, not understanding what had happened. Not understanding what was the truth of the girl that had once been.

She’d been like everyone else at one point, a child who’s life was filled with endless possibilities. A child who you could look at and wonder ‘what might this young girl grow up to be? What will they do in this world? Who will they meet? Love? Fight? Will they make a difference or simply blend in?’ Her life hadn’t been unusual, a middle class family making ends meet and providing for a child to give her the best chance at life.

Who could have known where it would lead? Might they have been able to guess as they watched her twirl to her own internal music, playing ballerina for family members to clap and rejoice at. Did they see it when she went off to school for the first time? Waved her off with her new backpack and freshly laced shoes, ready to see what education was like for the first time in her life. Were they able to glimpse it as she graduated college, standing on a stage to shake hands with people who had watched her grow into a young adult.

How was the world supposed to know that she’d find herself staring at the stars, wondering how it had all come to this. All the hard work, tears, sweat, love, hate, anger, happiness, combined into a single moment as the stars danced above her head to the rhythm of life.

Was it irony? That some bigger audience had already known the outcome long before she’d been able to put the story together in her head. Watched as the subtle clues played out, knowing how it would be and doing nothing to stop the end result. Did the stars know so that they could come out and grace her with the beautiful dance of the day that she’d finally be able to see what it meant.

Together it had come, the clues and subtext, the foreshadowing and plot devices. Her life had been a simple story. A story to play out for the amusement or sorrow of others, and now she lay on her back, staring up at the stars that revealed the truth to her.

It hadn’t hurt, at least not that she could remember. Not the actual act itself, she remembered the moments before it though, the terror and pain that had filled the world before suddenly there was a sweet, blissful silence. Would they figure it out one day? Find out the events that had led her to staring at the stars. She knew time had passed, though how much time now she had no way of knowing. Time seemed to not exist anymore as she watched the flickering light above.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew the truth of her situation, she knew that it had ended for her. This was where she died, lost and forgotten in a forest with only the stars for company. Humanity would move on and forget she’d ever existed and she would lay here, slowly joining the gentle rhythm of the stars.

At some point she was made aware that something had changed. Though what that change was took her longer to figure out. The change came in stages, first it was just a jolt, a strange jolt like when your brain believes it is falling out of bed but actually isn’t. Then she was aware of a noise, loud and unnecessary in her current state. She felt a tiny prick of annoyance as the noise swelled and became unbearable. Then the lighting changed and the stars disappeared behind the face of a human who had bent over her.

Fear gripped at her when she was pulled away from her stars, the rhythm was lost to her for a time and she felt a swirling pit of anxiety swell up as she tried desperately to join the dance once more. Humanity had other plans for her… she was taken away, moved from her gentle resting spot, pulled apart and ripped up to find out what had happened. They needed to know and she did not care. There were words said and sobs, and suddenly it was dark.

This was its own kind of rhythm, one that didn’t make sense to her yet. A throbbing of the earth that surrounded her. She wasn’t able to find her peace with this new sound, wishing only for the dance of her stars. How long she lay in that throbbing she would never know. Millenia perhaps, she lost herself to it, listening but remembering, remembering the dance the stars had shown her.

Then, as though to finally welcome her home once again, the world changed and there was light. What had happened she didn’t know. The world had decided it was time for her to join the dance again. The silence of the stars filled her with it’s peaceful embrace once more. Finally, she’d done her time and waited in that throbbing darkness.

She’d died as one person in a sea of others who had died before and after her. She looked up once more at the sky through the crack in the wood that had held the throbbing earth above her head for all those years. Peace settled in and she was allowed, at last, to join the dance of life itself in the twinkling of the stars.