Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Hellraiser' (2022)

Fucking shame on this movie for almost failing my 30-minute rule. Say what you want about the shitty franchise installments from 5-7, at least they got to the meat and potatoes quickly. And the original, ten fucking minutes in and BOOM, cenobites crawling out of every orifice.

Actually, I noticed this has been a problem for a lot of movies lately. Especially movies over the typical hour and thirty. There's a lot of space in between the actual plot that comes off as padding. This was actually my biggest complaint of Block Island Sound (2020). Things were always happening but it felt like a long time between things happening until the pace sped up towards the end. Now, Hellraiser wasn't that bad. The pacing was way better and you should likely never get bored, but DAMN it lags in the beginning. I should also note, that once things get going, it really has the right Hellraiser feel so in the end it's okay. But seriously, a Hellraiser movie should never almost fail my 30-minute rule.

But let me talk about the acting. It was actually good for Hollywood. Again, no one is going to be winning any awards, but it was better than the original which could be a little hammy at times. And we can't talk about the acting without talking about the cenobites. GOD DAMN they fucking worked that magic. Pinhead, the hell priest, especially. They were fucking stunning and really made me tingle.

This, of course, was helped out greatly by the practical FX they did for the cenobite costumes. Actually, there were a lot of fantastic practical effects and that's something you just don't get to see anymore with modern movies. But it had the feel of the old movies with the lighting and camera filters, never relying too much on CGI. Fucking perfect, really.

I actually feel like this one had the feel of Hellraiser 3: Hell On Earth. A lot of it was about brutal kills and showcasing new cenobites. That's what made 3 so damn good. Cenobites on parade.

But yeah, if you like Hellraiser, you'll like this installment. It's definitely a 'must watch' for fans of the franchise and definitely all Horror Heads alike.

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SPOILERS!!! Sort of.

I wanna take a minute to talk about the Lament Configuration. The Box. Now, this movie could have honestly been an extension of the franchise. It doesn't technically overwrite any cannon other than the fact that Pinhead is fem-androgynous. But that's easily explainable. Pinnhead is a fucking demon, they can take any form they want and this might have just suited them better.

What changes is how the box works, which I'm told is more in line with The Hellbound Heart, the original book by Clive Barker. There are six configurations. Each takes a sacrifice and summons the cenobites. In the original, it was just the Lament Configuration. You open it, you die, but it stays a box. This changes a lot about the franchise and how everything fits together. Now, technically, this also doesn't really affect canon. As this is the most recent installment, it could easily be about how the cenobites have changed their operations in order to suit their purposes better. The Lament Configuration has also always done the Leviathan Configuration in earlier movies, meaning that's also technically canon. So they just added a couple more configurations.

I feel this was a missed opportunity though. Each configuration is unique and has a corresponding power. I don't remember all the configurations off the top of my head, but there are things like love, resurrection, power, yadda yadda yadda. Each step could have been a piece of the puzzle itself. The Lament Configuration is inert, the next could be pleasure to draw the victim in, the next one could be knowledge to keep them interested, the next one could be power to give them a sense of purpose with the box, and all the way up until Leviathan where they get a wish granted by 'god.' Seemed like a missed opportunity that the first five configurations don't do anything. It kinda comes off as bad writing.

In any case, this movie was still pretty good. Good enough to warrant a watch, and way better than the last four movies.