Reed Alexander's Horror Review of "Bright Burn" (2019)

Nope. Can't fucking do it. I haven't quit on a movie outside my 30 minute rule since my review of The Bay (2012). Admittedly, I didn't back out in the first minute of the movie, but I did back out just because of how bad it is.

SPOILERS!!!

I backed out at the "Take the world" scene. It some-fucking-how found a way of recreating the NOOOOOOOOOO scene from Revenge of the Sith. Just an incredible amount of melodrama in one scene. Like, at least Revenge of the Sith was smart enough to save that scene for the end of the movie. This one decided to have that scene at the start of the good stuff. I might have been able to suffer through the rest of this movie if it wasn't for this scene. Though mind you, it was already pretty bad right up to that point. I mean, I was fucking bored already when we got there. But yeah, that scene was so bad I had to turn the movie off. I just couldn't fucking keep going.

I mean, before that scene the acting was okay. Better than you'd expect for horror. Even the child actor was pretty good. Honestly, the "Take The World" scene wasn't his fault. No actor can make that kind of garbage work. You just can't sell a steaming hot pile of shit like that.

Actually, I kinda feel bad for the actors. A movie this bad can ruin a career or discourage an actor from continuing with their career. And they were all good, they all did a good job, they shouldn't have to suffer because of all the hamfisted mistakes made by the writers.

But, the problem with the writing in this movie is worse than that. They missed the point of their own fucking movie. It felt like it had no point at all. The story just didn't say anything interesting. The kid is just evil. He was sent as an invader to take over. It's his fucking programming. This SHOULD have fucking been a story about how WE made Superman Evil. The kid is being picked on, everyone thinks he's weird, he's already got the stigma of not knowing where he comes from, a huge lie told to him by his own parents. This movie should have been about the world turning Superman evil. His mother and father raised him right but the world was too harsh and cruel. That story, that story right there, would be AMAZING. That's what this movie should have been trying to say. The story we're given just doesn't have those kinds of guts.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with the 'creepy kid' genre of horror, it just needs a little help.

And not only could I just not fucking care about the story, the pacing was fucked too. I mean, there was already tons of stuff going on. Something was always happening. The movie starts off head first into the plot, but it's all just so thinly spread. More stuff needed to happen much faster and the escalation curve needed to be steep. It is a 'super hero' movie, after all. It needs to be a rollercoaster ride. So even though it was on the ball, it was still boring. Can you imagine fucking up your pace like that?

I mean, fuck it's like they didn't know what they were doing with the whole movie. I cannot fucking recommend it. I want that forty-five minutes of my life back. I'm so pissed, I wanna slap the writer and director. I might seriously fight a motherfucker over this.

This is going on my worst list. I mean, it'll be sharing a shelf with movies like Day of the Dead: Bloodlines (2018) and The Forest (2016). Movies soooo bad that I suggest the director commit seppuku.