Pizza Delivery

It all started simple enough, I was at the store and we had received an order for delivery: a large pineapple and anchovy pizza. Quite a strange order but doable nonetheless. It was a slow day so we got it made, cooked, and cut in the span of about seven minutes. Once it was ready, I collected it and headed off to my car to go deliver it.

As I was on my way to the house, the road seemed to get slimmer and slimmer. I was sure my GPS was taking me in the wrong direction as it seemed it was leading me to a secluded forest. I decided to call the customer to confirm the address and get proper directions. The phone had barely rung when the customer answered the call.

"Hello?" answered a quivering voice.

"Hello, this is Steven calling from Rocket Pizza. I was just calling to confirm your address as the GPS seems to be taking me towards a forest which i'm guessing is incorrect."

"No, no deary," she crooned, "that's correct. Just keep following the directions and you should see a small cottage at the end of the road."

"Alright then, I should be there in about five more minutes then."

"Lovely, lovely," Click.

I kept on following the GPS instructions as the customer said and sure enough, I saw a small cottage growing in the distance as I approached it. I parked my car in front of the house and exited with the pizza in hand.

The house was quite small but very lovely. Dozens upon dozens of flowers were scattered across the lawn. The house itself had vines clinging onto it as well as potted plants hanging off the windowsills. There was hardly an area that was free of foliage.

I approached the front door and knocked firmly. I heard some commotion coming from inside followed by footsteps before the door swung open.

A grandmotherly woman stood at the door. She was quite short and stocky with short white hair. She wore red thick rimmed cat eye style glasses and a long flower printed pink dress paired with some comfy looking flat brown shoes.

"Oh lovely, deary," she greeted me, "just set it on the table over there for me would you?" she gestured to a dining table a few feet behind her.

"I'm actually not supposed to enter customer's houses, ma'am," I told her as I remained in place at the door.

"It'll just be for a short while, deary. These old bones aren't as reliable as they used to be."

I contemplated for a short moment. I really wasn't supposed to enter customer's homes but like she said, it was just for a short while, and she was old and seemed sweet.

"Okay," I caved. I stepped inside and went to go set the pizza on the table. As I did so, the grandmotherly woman went to go shut the door and before I could say anything, she disappeared into another part of the house.

"Would you like some cookies, deary?" I heard her cry from what I assumed was the kitchen.

"No thank you," I shouted back, a bit confused. Was she expecting me to stay? I has assumed she just wanted me to set down the pizza. Before I could voice my questions, the woman had come out of the kitchen with a large plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"Oh, please deary have a seat," she grabbed my arm with a surprisingly strong grip, and led me to the living room where she had me sit on a floral print couch.

"I really should get back," I told her, standing up from the couch.

She firmly pushed me back down. "Nonsense," she said staunchly. "You just got here. Besides, you can't expect me to eat that pizza all by myself now do you?"

I tried not to gag in my mouth thinking about eating that funky pizza. "I'm sorry ma'am, it's just that the store is expecting me back soon and i'm sure there are other customers waiting for their orders."

"It's the middle of the week, I doubt it's very busy," she countered. "I'm sure they'll be just fine if you stay just a bit longer here with me."

She pushed the plate of cookies towards me. "Here, have a cookie. I just baked them so they're nice and warm." She smiled eerily at me as she shoved a cookie into my mouth.

As I struggled to not choke on the cookie she quickly got up, "Oh, silly me. I forgot to get the milk. You wait right here as I go get some." She flashed that eerie smile at me again before going back to the kitchen. She was astonishingly fast for someone who was apparently unable to carry a pizza from the door to her dining table.

I wanted very much to stand up and bolt to the door but I also didn't want to be rude. The woman seemed quite nice and was probably just lonely, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. It seemed like she lived alone and likely didn't get many visitors especially with how remote her house was.

I instead stayed sat at the couch observing the living room. As with the outside of the house, the inside was cluttered with plants on practically every surface. The furniture was also almost exclusively floral print. The wallpaper was floral, the curtains were floral, the couch was floral, everything was floral. The floral smell from all the plants was also quite overwhelming, it was sickly sweet.

A few minutes had passed and I was starting to worry. Surely it doesn't take this long to get some milk? I decided to get up and check on her in case she needed some help.

I made my way to the kitchen expecting to find her rummaging through the fridge unable to find the milk, but instead found it to be completely empty.

"Ma'am?" I called out.

No response. Had she perhaps left to go buy some milk? It seemed an odd thing to do, leaving without letting your guest know, but the woman was quite strange and I wouldn't put it past her to pull such a stunt.

Or perhaps she was still in the house, just a different part of it. I figured I should continue looking for her in the rest of the house first. If I couldn't find her I would just leave a note for her and head back to work.

I was about to go through the doorway out of the kitchen into the rest of the house when I suddenly felt a hefty blow at the back of my head and everything went black.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. It's probably for the best, as i'm sure it was quite gruesome. What I do know though, is that the supposedly sweet and lonely woman, was really just a cannibalistic devil who liked to lure people into her home before turning them into a nice pie for her to enjoy before she did it all over again with some other poor clueless soul.

Am I upset about my untimely demise? I suppose. But I take comfort in the fact that her charade surely can't last for much longer and justice will most certainly catch up to her.

In the meantime, I just hope no other innocent being is lured into her trap before she's caught and locked up.