Little Black Book

It seemed as though whenever there was a funeral it was rainy outside, weather to match everyone's mood. Not today though. The sun beat down on her black outfit making the sun seem ten times hotter than it already was. Lacey stood next to my mother and my mom’s sister who was moaning pitifully over their lost sister Adele. The fabulous Dell. Her favorite auntie. Lacey still had not shed a tear. She was holding herself strong so that her mother she always found so meek would not fall apart. Her no-good father was in the back looking like he had been on another bender last night. Nothing new for her. Lacey's father had been a career drunk her whole life. Sweet as pie when he had no liquor in him but once he got a little in him he was meaner than a skunk. Several times she remembered the bar calling to the house and if her mother was gone, which was often, the dutiful only child had to get up and walk the six blocks to the local tavern to pick her drunk father up and pay the tab with her modest McDonald’s job. She would have to leave his car keys with Telly the bar owner who looked at her with pity as she picked her cussing father up and put him under her arms before walking him out of the bar and put him to bed after cleaning up his throw up. It was no wonder that when her mother would finally make it home from the second shift job that she would take over for Lacey without a word of protest. But in the small time frame that he was still awake, he would berate her with crazy words. Her father John would tell her how she ruined her mother and his relationship. She was not supposed to be born and her mother hated her for coming into their lives. She knew they were just the words of a lost drunken man but it cut her to the core no less. Lacey could never understand why her mother took the abuse. She never fussed back, she never complained, she just took it and took it. Her mother had been a beautiful woman. All the Sweeney’s were. They all had fair skin, long sweeping curly hair, and were a mix of Italian and black. When her mother had married an Irish man my grandmother and grandfather about turned their back on her for good. But it was her auntie Adele who made them see the light. She had always been the black sheep in her family. Loud and beautiful and ready to conquer the world by storm. Before she passed she had wanted Lacey to come out and see her but she never made it, to catch up in her own bull to be there for her aunt. She remembered her dad always saying “Why can’t she get a respectable job, how am I going to be able to tell anyone what my daughter does for a living. Aunt Adele was a dancer at a fancy strip club and every man wanted to be with her. Wanted to see her shake what her momma gave her. As unappealing as it was to everyone else Adele couldn’t have cared less who didn’t like it. She could have been anything in the world but she wanted to dance and bring a little bit of joy to the lonely men of Downers Grove. The procession line began to move and Lacey stared at her aunt laying there in the casket pissed that they had not followed her directions to be cremated. She knew that Adele would be rolling in her grave if she knew people were gawking over her in a long turtle neck dress at that to cover the ugly scarring around her neck from the hands of whoever had strangled her to death. The preacher was saying something and her mother was leaning on her so hard that Lacey had to switch positions and actually try and lean her in the other direction. The first dirt clumps that hit the casket set the lump further up in her throat. The rest of the funeral flew by her without her knowing what was really going on. She dutifully thanked the people who had came and walked with the pallbearers. The only words that hit Lacey’s ears were her mother whispering to God that she should have forgiven her sister while she was still alive. But forgive her for what? Lacey had no idea.

The service went nicely she supposed for a bunch of people that she didn’t really know. Friends or acquaintances of her aunts. Lacey had refused to go to the reading of her Aunts will. Parasites that’s what they all were. Adele never had a lot of money. Just that great big house on Woodward that was her pride and joy. A call came a few days later from her lawyers. Lacey had been living in a small apartment after breaking up with her longtime cheating ass boyfriend Trent and was enjoying being by herself after she got over the initial shock of it all. Searching under her covers for her hiding phone she finally grabbed it silencing the piercing ring. A muffled deep hello escaped her lips.”

“Hello, am I speaking with Lacey Martin?”

“Yeah, who is this?”

“This is James Rollax, your Adele Sweeney’s niece, am I right?”

Lacey tried to peer at the clock that sat on the old cedar dresser in the corner and groaned. It was eight o clock in the morning and she had just got off her waitress job three hours ago. Sitting up she tried to clear the early morning mucus from her throat. “This is her, what can I do for you?”

“Well, I was hoping to see you yesterday at the reading of your aunt's will.”

“Yeah well, I had to work so….” She found her pack of menthol's and lit one up. She knew it was a horrible habit but she felt that it was her way of controlling the anxiety that always laid close to her chest.

“Well, it seems that your aunt left you her house on 2025 Woodward Ave.”

She coughed on the smoke that filled her lungs as she looked at her phone again. “She did what?”

“Yup, she left you her house and everything in it. If you don’t mind, could you make it down here to sign a few papers and you can go about your day? “ Lacey didn’t say anything yet. “Or I am too much out the way I could swing past you and have you sign the papers in about an hour or so.”

“That’s fine Mr-”

“Mr. Rollax or James is just fine.” He sounded like Mr. Magoo and she tried to keep herself from giggling at his voice.

“That would be fine Mr. Rollax. My address is-”

“I have your address here. Your mother left it here when she was here.”

“Oh, well then see you then.” Hanging up the phone she stretched her body out and rubbed her sore feet. Getting out of bed she ran a quick shower and washed her hair. By the time she threw on some clothes, her doorbell to her tiny piece of the shit apartment was ringing. She opened up the door to find Mr. Rollax looking amazingly like he sounded. Old thinning gray hair covered his round head and his clothes looked like he bought them from a second-hand store, but his eyes were kind and she let him in. His wirey body swung through the door and he shook her hand with a firm shake. She led him to the small table and he promptly took out the paperwork and had her read it over. Sure enough, her aunt had left her house and everything in it to her. When she finished signing everything he stood up and looked her over like she was a long-lost friend. “You really do favor your aunt. What a loss that we all have on our hands.” She nodded slightly confused but smiled anyway. “Thanks” she replied leading him to the door and with a small wave, he was off.

Her phone rang again but it was a number that she recognized right away and she knew not to answer. Her ex would not stop calling her no matter how many times she changed her number or told him not to. He would get a hold of her number somehow and call her anyway. She was not up for his bullshit today. She saw him sitting in the back of the restaurant she worked at eyes on her behind the bar at all times. It creeped her out but she was determined to ignore his ass. He would get tired eventually and give up on getting her back. Pouring some Honey Combs in a bowl she ate it dry while she read over the paperwork. Her sleepiness had suddenly gone away and she knew what she was going to do today. She was going to check out this house that she just inherited.

Pulling up to the house filled Lacey with dread, and happiness at the same time. Her late aunts’ house was a beautiful brick Victorian that towered over the rest of the houses on the block. It sat at the end of the cul de sac and boasted it’s beauty to all that saw it. How the hell did her aunt afford this house. This was not her regular address. Whenever Lacey went to see her she went to a condo out in the Village. She took the keys out of the envelope that held the address to the house. Yup this was this. Grabbing her purse she climbed out of her car and stepped up on the enormous front porch that wrapped around the house. Sticking the keys into the lock she jumped when an older neighbor yelled “Adele, is that you?”

Lacey looked at the older woman in dawned in rollers and an overused housecoat.

“No, Adele, was my late aunt.”

The woman nodded. “Shame she passed away huh.” She looked at the woman strangely. She knew her aunt passed yet she just called her Adele. She nodded, yes shame”

“So she gave you the house huh? You must be Lacey, her aunt. You sho do look like her twin.”

Lacey smiled and twisted the key firmly in the lock until she heard it give. “So I’ve heard.” She stepped into the house and waved a quick good bye to the nosey neighbor and shut the door behind her. The house was beautiful. A diamond in the ruff. She couldn’t fathom how aunt had managed to get this house but she was starting to feel happy about actually getting it. The whole afternoon went by quickly as she went from one gorgeous room to another. The enormous eat in kitchen had her dreaming of cooking whole meals and enjoying them in the equally large sunny dining room. When Lacey walked into her aunt's room she held her breath feeling her aunt's presence. The sweet perfume she always wore wafted through her nose and made her unstable on her feet. Lacey folded herself onto the sleekly polished hardwood floors and began to cry. Looking at all the pictures of her gorgeous aunt was too much for her heart to bear. She missed her aunt who acted like she was her own mother. Always a kind word, saving Lacey from her dad time and time again. She owed her aunt everything. Adele made her want to get out of her house and live instead of staying there with her crazy mom and dad trying to babysit them. Lacey didn’t even know how long she laid there crying but when the tears finally stopped flowing she wiped the salty tears from her eyes and tried to collect herself. Standing up she felt the floor below her give way a bit. She walked back over the plank on the floor. Reaching down the board seemed loose so she pulled up the floorboard and stared at a black box under the floorboard. Curiosity peaking she sat back down and opened up the small black box. Inside there were baby pictures. They looked like pictures of herself as a little baby. Under all of that were stacks of what looked like 100 dollar bills. Her mouth dropped open and counting through all of it she counted over 100 thousand dollars. Where the hell did all of this money come from and how did her aunt come to have it. The sound of the doorbell ringing scared her back into reality. She hid the box back underneath the floorboard and scurried to the door. Standing at the door her mother and father stood on the other side looking at her. “Hey mom, John.” Her mother kissed her and entered the house and her father looked like he wanted to fade into the porch cracks, but at least he looked soberer than he usually looked. “So your aunt gave you her house huh?”

She nodded her head and lead them into the kitchen where they sat down. Her mother had the look of someone who had not slept very well that night. “I have people on the way to help you get all of your stuff in this house.”

That was her mother. Always practical, always taking charge. How did she even know that she was going to move into this house in the first place? Well, somewhere between walking through the huge house she did decide that she was going to move in and all of the help that she could get would be welcomed. Her father sat still and looked even more uncomfortable than he did when he first came in. Her mother moved around the house with purpose and by the time help came she began to delegate where her stuff would go. Lacey didn’t stop her though. She knew when her mother was in pain she needed to take charge, just as she always did when Lacey was younger. When everyone was finished and all of her things were moved from her tiny shit hole apartment, Lacey grabbed a bottle of wine that was in the cupboard and sat down to enjoy it alone after seeing all of her mother's friends out. Sitting there thinking she finally remembered the box and got up to find it. Opening the floorboard up she grabbed the box and ambled back into the kitchen. Pouring more wine she sat down and opened the box back up looking at all of the money. Shaking her head she moved the money out of the way and found a book with the initials of her mother and figures that looked like payments made on a monthly basis that seemed as they went on for over 20 years. Obviously payments to her aunt. But for what. Under all of the money and pictures and the black notebook was a folded piece of paper. She recognized her aunt's handwriting and was surprised that the letter was addressed to her.

Dearest Lacey,

I have waited all of my life to say the things that I want to you say to you bout first I want you to know that the money in here is yours. I want you to take it and do whatever you want. Go back to school, blow it all randomly or save it for a rainy day just make sure you do it for yourself. I owe it to you. So many times when I looked at you I wanted to tell you so many things but first please let me tell you that I am sorry. It will become clearer as you read this letter. I am afraid that my days are coming to an end because me and John, your father can’t come to an understanding that I must do the right thing. But in the end, I will and my conscience can be clear. Please don’t blame your mother, she was always the responsible one while I was always fucking up. But you, you are the one thing that I did right.

I stopped reading for a minute to wipe a few tears from my eyes. My doorbell rang again and I looked at the clock on the wall that read ten thirty pm. Who even knew that I was here. Walking to the door I peaked out and was puzzled to see my father standing there with his hands in his pockets on my porch. I pulled back the lock and opened the door. “John, you scared the shit out of me.”

He looked old and tired but peered at me almost humanly. I held the door open for him wider looking behind him for my mother. “Where’s mom?”

“She’s at home. She doesn’t know that I am here. Can I come in?”

I shrugged and led him to where I had been sitting before. He looked around the room aimlessly until he saw the black box on the table. His eyes seemed to fill with fear. I have never seen fear in my dad except for one time when he thought my mother was going to leave him for putting his hands on me. Something told me to keep reading the letter.

If you haven’t guessed it yet you have been living a lie with your life as I have as well. Have you ever wondered why you look so much like me my dear? Why you are not pristine and proper like my sister. Why you have a wild streak and a mean temper like me. It is because you are my daughter.

My breathing became shallow as I looked up at my father who would not meet my eyes. I continued to read the letter with shaking hands,

Yes, I fucked up. I had a baby with your father. I know you probably think of me like a skank or a homewrecker but your father and I used to date before your mother. He used to come into the club and watch me dance. Your mother stole him from me and he was trapped in her web because she, unlike me was a doer. She was not free like me and at that time I chose to let your father go, but he kept coming back until I got pregnant with you. Your mother wanted me to get rid of you. She begged and pleaded with me to let John go and finally she paid me to keep you and keep me away from John. Oh, I know you only know your daddy as a mean drunk but he wasn’t always. He used to be young and caring and free. My sister, the woman you came to know as a mom, turned him this way. I knew you never saw it but it’s true. Please don’t be angry because in her own way she loved the hell out of and me. She allowed me to see you if I continued to tell you that you were her niece but oh God I wanted to tell you every day. Just know that I love you always and forever and I can’t wait for you to know that your beautiful soul came from me. A nobody that could never do anything right but I did angel I did, you.

I looked up at my father and I knew that he was aware of what I knew.

“Oh my God, mom was not my mom. Aunt Adele was my mom. What did you do!” John had tears running down his face just like I did but he didn’t disagree. I got up from the table staring at him in disbelief. “You got Adele pregnant and then force mom to raise me?”

His eyes got big and his big lips trembled under his mustache. “No, I loved your aunt and your mom, and I know I wasn’t a good dad but every time I looked at you I saw your aunt. She was the love of my life and she ran around with men in front of my face and expected me to be okay with it.”

My outrage was boiling over. I began to get loud with him, tired of all of his bullshit. “You allowed your wife to raise your mistress, her sister’s child? No wonder you hated me so much and she was so indifferent towards me. And oh God-did you murder her?” He shook his sad head vigorously. “No, I would never do anything to hurt Adele I loved her-”

“You always were stupid for a loose woman.”

Both of our eyes shot up to my mother who had slipped into the room quietly. She always had that ability. To come into the room without disturbing anything then slipping away just as silent. I was so confused right then but mom kept talking wringing her hands in that nervous way she did as she thought while she spoke.

“Mom, how could you have to raise your husband's mistress’s child? It is all starting to make sense now. The way that you treated me like you take me or leave me.”

“Oh hush child. I loved you in my own way. It’s just the older you got the more you started to act like your real mother, and I couldn’t have that. She was loose and had little morals. I wanted you to be more like me and then the silly child came to me asking me to tell you the truth. I couldn’t have that.” My mother had come closer to me as she spoke and finally stood in front of me smoothing my unruly curls. She showed up at the door so ready and determined to tell you the truth as if she had the right.”

Her eyes turned cold as she stared off remembering that day.

“I couldn’t have her messing everything up. Once she told you what was to stop your father from leaving me and starting a whole new life with you and her and acting like I didn’t exist. I did too much for her to ruin things like she always does. I spent my whole life cleaning up her life. I mean what kind of mother would she had been. A stripper on top of all that.” Mother sniffed disdainfully. So when she sat at my table I put my hands around her neck and I squeezed the life from her. She is in a better place now, and things can get back to normal. Besides, what good could have come with you finding out. But like always she found a way to let you know. I tried my hardest to find that silly box before you did but your aunt was always so good at hiding her secrets.”

I looked at my father who sat sobbing quietly staring out at nothing. I came to the realization that he already. knew that his wife was a monster. I moved away from both of them and stared at them not daring to breathe. The light seemed to go out in the woman who I had always believed was my mother. And just like nothing had happened she smiled at me. “Oh dear, I need to get your father home and get him some food in him. I’ll be over in the morning and we can go out to breakfast, or maybe even go antiquing like we used to. She kissed me swiftly on the forehead and walked over to my father helping him up. He looked at me eyes pleading to forgive him but I turned away. I understood it now. Why she dealt with his constant drinking and mean belligerent ways. They were both monsters in their own ways. Her dad a mean drunk and her mom an even meaner murderer. Lacey watched them wordlessly as they walked out of her house together, both of them trapped in their own hell.