It's 2AM Somewhere

Max Arcane was a cool guy, a legend in his own mind, like Elvis or Prince or Keanu Reeves. He was young at heart, always hanging out in the park with girls that were way too young for him. A lion surrounded by young females. He loved collecting movies, especially horror blu rays. He swore he would kill anyone that tried to take his flicks. "Don't take my flicks man!" Max told his friend Reggie. His friends were all younger. Reggie was his protégé, in training to be the next late night underground film/music review master.

In the local news a man had been brutally slain in his home. The perpetrator had taken "movies" the police said. "Wow, that's totally messed up!" Reggie blurted. "You're tellin' me! Anybody try that here and.." Max motioned his finger across his neck while making a stupid cutting sound. "Got that right!" They clapped a high five. Max sold copies of out of print movies on blu ray from his foreign hosted site for a living. He had a nice place. He also had a porn site with pics of local ladies. "People love young amateurs Reggie!"

Half of his collection was horror, the other half was exploitation/porn. Reggie fingered the spines. "Wow, I hope I have a collection like this someday!" "It takes time to be this cool. Get a job a McD's or somthin." Max wore sunglasses. "Maybe I can work for you!" Reggie's eyes grew. "Buzz off, I'm retired! Maybe you can have your sister pose for me!" Max laughed. They were busy putting weapons around the 2nd story townhouse apartment in case of the killer/movie snatcher in the news. It was 2AM now.

Time for their 2AM movie. Tonight they were watching "Blood Dawn 5". Then they would review it on their blog, 'Ghost Masters' and Youtube. Max & Reg had a following of 5 million viewers, not as good as Mr. Beast though. "I'm Max and this is Reg, and today we're reviewing Blood Dawn 5!" their video would start. On the side Max sold fully automatic machine guns to hillbilly militias. Yes, he was a small time arms dealer to boot. They had jars of apple pie moonshine set against the wall as gifts from the militias.

"What was that?!" Reggie looked bewildered. A sound came from the hallway. "Probably just a neighbor." Max looked around. A knock on the door. They looked at each other. "I'll get it." Max ran to the door. It was Debs, Reggie's little sister. "Can I watch!" She walked in and Max shut the door. "Potato chips, there, beef jerky, there, moonshine, there." Max pointed around. "Got it!" Debs smiled at Max. She liked him. She was so cute in those pigtails. "Debs, you know what we do here right?" Reggie stammered.

"There's a killer harvesting the perfect collection by killing people Debs!" Max was really dramatic with his hand gestures. "I'm a tough girl." She really wasn't that tough. They all sat in utter glee as Blood Dawn 5 started. In the parking lot of the apartment complex 3 black lambo's pulled in. They had gold rimmed tires and dark, one-way windows. The music blaring from them was some loud dubstep. A black van with the same gold rimmed tires and dark windows pulled in. "Tonight we dine in hell!" The leader quoted.

Bullets ripped and shredded through the door. Max, Reg, and Debs dove for cover. Don't they know bullets could ruin a blu ray collection. 5 guys in black body armor holding guns came in aiming with lasers. A spin-wheel mechanism triggered and some kind of pulley zip cord whipped at them with enough speed to decapitate them. A metal door came down where the wooden one used to be. "Ghost Ship!" Reg exclaimed. Debs was screaming. They pulled out some full auto submachine guns. Under the rug was a door.

They slid through the door and replaced the lid to hide it. In actuality, Max was renting, not one, but four townhouses, stacked 2 by 2. "I call it sub level B." Max turned the power on. Arcade games lit up everywhere. More soldiers in black armor poured into the above apartment after using an RPG. A couple robots holding submachine guns rolled into the living room and opened fire on them. 12 enemies down. "I think somebody has heard about your collection!" Reg made it clear. "Chopping Mall!" Max was excited.

"This is really impressive. Is this where you make the porn?" Debs was looking around. Max and Reg just looked at each other. "I won't ask how you know that." Max smiled. "O.k guys, it's time to go COD on them!" Max handed a submachine gun and a grenade to each of them. "If you can, go for the jugular first. Try not to hit those sweet rides out there. Got it!" "Got it!" They high fived. Debs went outside with her machine gun against her back. She wore a skimpy miniskirt and a tight top, nipples showing through.

3 guys in the parking lot stood around the van. Debs came up skipping and hopping. "Hi, you guys wanna party?" She bit her lip. The guy on the left walked up to her and she slit his wrists with a scalpel. Two shots took out the guy on the right. "Double tap!" Reg smirked. The leader just stood confused. "Tell your friends to get out of the cars." Reg walked up holding a gun on the lambo's. The drivers got out. The man in the van reached for a gun. Double tap. "All clear." Debs answered on mic. Max came out to meet the leader.

3 drivers stood on their knees with Reg behind them. The leader, Jack, stood across from them, Debs and Max in the middle. "Why would you try to take my collection?" Max stabbed the guy in the arm. "I'm a spoiled rich kid I guess." He had no remorse. "Not anymore!" Debs stabbed him with a big knife in the balls. Jack fell to his knees in anguish. Reg slit the throat of a driver, leaving two more. "Tie their wrists and ankles." After they did that Max put a grenade in each of their mouths. The 3 left on their knees.

"That was very Vietnam of you to leave them there like that!" Debs told him. "I saw it in a Batman comic once, leaving a stick of dynamite in a guy's mouth to blow up." Max slapped the Batman issue on the table. "Man, with all this money from those rides we're set!" Reg hooted. And all the movies they found in the back of that van; it was a veritable treasure trove. The militias came by and disposed of the bodies. The cops knew better than to mess with Max. "How's your collection going Max?" Officer Dank asked.

I came up with this one as a sort of movie idea just the other day while I was admiring movies in my collection. I would never steal a movie from anyone and I hope my friends would never do the same. I hope you guys liked it.