I met God today

1. Rock Bottom

I needed to get away. From stress; the stress at work, the stress at home, it all condensed and surrounded me so heavily I felt like I couldnt take a breath. I have always been positive, outgoing, supportive of friends and family, the first to give a dollar, or meal to the homeless. Now my life felt suffocating. A few years ago, tired of building my boss's dreams, i went into business for myself, and we did well. Even during the 2020 pandemic, we made a bit of profit, and were able to keep the doors open. The year before that had been hell, my son had died in the worst possible way, and mentally i broke. But then my wife and i crawled ourselves out of hell, and built a life for ourselves. We struggled a bit, like everyone does, but everything was going well, and now everything was collapsing in on itself. We cant find help, so I've been overworking, taking on all the work I can, and I've burned myself out. The money is drying up, my energy is spent, and everything we have built has fallen apart. So here I sit, parked with the front tires of my truck an inch from the cliff edge, along an old abandoned trail that overlooks lake Travis 300' below me, and I lift my foot from the brake pedal, plunging myself and the truck into the great weightless void of oblivion.

It takes a 7,000 lb truck less than 4.33 seconds to fall 300', or at least it should, but shortly after rocketing past the cliff edge I found everything frozen, as if time stood still. I know when you're rocketing towards death time is supposed to move slow, but the waves filling the view outside of my windshield did not move. The fly trying desperately to escape out of my passenger window sat still, mid flight, the water bottle on the passenger floor board sat frozen a foot above the carpeting. I unlatched my seat belt, there was no gravity, I could move freely without falling against the dash. I opened my door and stared at the 300' below the truck to the waters surface, and my stomach lurched with fear. It was so strange seeing a giant dually truck stuck in mid flight, with only a trail of dust seeming to tether it to the ground. I jumped into the bed of the truck, if I was going to die it needed to be under my control, if I just randomly started falling again after this strange interlude, I dont know of anything scarier, so i jumped from the back of the tailgate back up to the cliff edge, and climb/floated back up to solid ground. I turned around after getting up, staring at the behemoth of a truck frozen in mid air, and I plopped down on the cliff edge, and sat there looking out at the picture perfect sun setting behind the lakeside cliffs. I didnt know what to think, it was impossible, but yet here it was right in front of me. "What the fuck do i do now?" I asked out loud.

And someone answered, "Well, I dont think feeling sorry for yourself has really helped out all that much, maybe cut back on the self pity a bit."

I whipped around, startled. Nobody was there. "Um, hello? Have I lost my mind?".

"You have kid, just not the way you think. No, you arent seeing things that dont really exist, nor are you just hearing random voices. Well, okay, youre hearing my voice, but its not just in your head, made up from your subconscious." A figure stepped out from the trees across the dirt road, a beautiful woman.

I jumped to my feet, not knowing what to think. "Who are you? Am I dead?"

"I have many names, but before we get to names, just call me Athena. As for your 2nd question, ill answer with another question. What is death to you?"

Confused, and not knowing if i was hallucinating, I stood there in a stupor trying to figure out if my mind was broken. I pinched myself, it hurt. I slapped myself, it....hurt. wtf was going on. Before I could confuse myself any more, Athena cleared her throat, and said "Well? what is your answer young one?"

"Answer? What is death to me? I mean death is pretty self explanitory I think, unless we get into the grey area's like "spiritual death", "mental death", etc. Im not in a good place mentally for philisophical questions, Miss. Im really curious about the whole time freezing thing though, so can we maybe start there? Like what the hell is going on?"

Athena laughed, "Okay, as you wish. I froze time a few moments before the last stupid decision you would make in this life time came to fruition. As you can see for yourself, I am sure. But I do understand your resistance in believing what youre seeing. Youre thinking that this is impossible, maybe this is a delusion your mind created to keep yourself from realizing a horrible truth. But rest assured, this is as real as reality gets. You have forgotten who you are. You have imagined yourself a fraction of the being you actually are, and then created a thousand small problems for yourself, and then imagined them to be so great that you couldnt deal with them. You are deluding yourself, but not the way you think you are. I thought I would simply remind you of who, and what you actually are."

2. Realize, real eyes, real lies

I stood in stunned silence for a moment, absorbing what she had said to me, and then stupidly asked, "So you are the Goddess Athena?"

Athena smiled at me, and nodded, "Yes, and no. All gods, and goddesses man has created for himself, and the beings created in the mind dont really match up well with the beings that are brought into reality. Like I said, I have many names.". She suddenly snapped her fingers, and before me appeared a giant with huge black wings that stretched to the heavens, a great sword longer than a school bus hung from the scabbard that hung from the angels belt. He had wavey blond hair, beautiful, bright, electric blue eyes, a black tunic, and an aura that contrasted greatly with the reality of the world around us. I screamed, and fell back almost falling off the cliff edge. "What the hell!!", I yelled and was about to run for my life.

The giant angel snapped his fingers, and Athena was back. Just a normal sized woman again, in a white dress, with a blue embroidered collar. "Calm yourself Jack, I was simply showing another of my forms."

"Well you damn near gave me a heart attack, a little warning next time if you please. Why are you in female form now, but as an angel you are male?"

"Well, Jack, thats because humans made me into a male Angel. I started as a being with no name, no sex, just being. When man first appeared, for a while my kind sat back, and watched as you fought for your life, and then for your food, and as your population grew, for your right to the land that was freely given to you. So we stepped in and guided man kind, showed you how to grow your own food so you didnt have to take life to live, showed the natural magick you possessed to help you along your journey. You named us Gods, and Goddesses, gave us form that helped you understand and relate to us. We built beautiful relationships with man, and we prided ourselves in having helped guide you. The greeks called us Daemons, or spirit guides, some cultures thought we were the creators of the world, and some were just happy to have help from us, and genuinely reciprocated their energy with us. One day a cult formed praising a spirit over the others, proclaiming that this spirit was the creator god of all life, and forcing other cultures to bow down to him in worship. As this cult grew from the middle east, and gained popularity, we started to worry. This culture was new, and had started purporting to "save" those that worshipped from a fate of torture, and pain in the afterlife. So I and the other Daemons started warning those close to us about what was happening, but sure enough this cult spread across the entire world, burning the history of other cultures, stealing their holidays, and days of worship of other gods, and turning them into their own holidays. It grew its numbers from fear, and threats of eternal suffering. Mankind started regressing in their knowledge, in fact knowledge was looked down on, faith was more important than knowledge. This cult labeled all the other spirits as Demons, as spirits working with the imagined devil to decieve man kind, and so i went from being a goddess to being a male demon, named Lucifer."

"You are Lucifer? Why are you helping me, after all that man has done to you? Turned their back to you, after you helped them? Demonized you, blamed for everyone's troubles? I would be angry with mankind, in fact I was angry with mankind already."

Athena took a deep breath, "I dont have feelings the way that mankind does, but it did hurt a bit when this happened. Keep in mind, it wasnt any one persons fault, it was a transition from one state of being, and thinking, to a completely different state. People didnt really know what to do, for all anyone knew we were lying to decieve, and trick people, and the people pushing this new religion were getting very powerful by pushing this belief , hell they modeled most governments by the hierarchal system, it works really well at consolidating, and centralizing power. Obey, or suffer! If people knew they were free, and all consequences for bad choices were paid for during this same life time, there would be no abuse, because people would fight back without worrying about the afterlife. More important than that though, is that man is learning the truth now, for the first time in over 4000 years, man kind is finally putting the pieces together. Not only realizing old truths, but new truths as well."

"What new truths?" I asked.

"Take a walk with me, do you mind? This is a beautiful trail, and I have much more to talk about. Im sure you will have questions."

"Yeah, Ill walk with you." I said.

"Okay, good." We turned south on the trail, walking alongside the cliff overlooking the lake." Jack, there are good truths being realized, and truths that can make people feel hopeless too. When some people see that there is no overseeing lord looking at every aspect of life when you die, but yet they sat there and tried to live their life to a strict standard, but then realize that the "god" they prostrated themselves for, doesnt actually exist, that can lead to a feeling of hopelessness. Some people will lose their identity because they put so much of it into this flawed idea, only for it to fall apart in the end. Or guys like you, who feel like they are being punished their whole life, like there maybe is a god out there, and his only purpose is to make your life hell? Well life is hard, and it doesnt help that humans have built themselves into avatars, because they think they have to play a specific role, and wont let themselves be themselves. Either because being yourself doesnt pay the bills, nor does it fit with everyones idea of who you should be. So youre left feeling lost, and if the decisions you made eventually turn out badly, youre really left feeling like everything is against you. So you take your life in your hands, hoping for a fresh start, because the only other option would be to dismantle society from the ground up, and completely restructure it to where it benefits everyone, and that seems insurmountable."

As she spoke, and we walked I listened, and took in everything. "Okay, i agree with you, but what am i supposed to do now? I still dont see any options that seem to fit."

"Well Jack, thats because you still dont know WHO, or WHAT you are. Mankind is realizing small truths about the world around him, but you still dont see what all these events mean. Youve spent mellenia searching for gods, goddesses, guides, and devils so you can have a reason for every single little thing that happens to you. When something bad happens, you can blame the devil, and its not your fault. When something good happens you can praise a god, and be glad. But all these are just distractions, you have needed a scapegoat on both sides because you are still too afraid to accept. and aknowledge how powerful you truly are."

As she told me this, I slowed my pace. Eventually I came to a complete stop. "What do you mean? Youre saying everything bad that happens is our own fault, and anything good happens is our fault as well?" The more I thought about it the angrier I became. "What about my infant son? What did he do to deserve his stomach to be cut open, his intestines cut out? He fought so hard for his life as a primi, and then when everything is great, his skin glowing, happy, energetic, forming his little personality. Then boom, his intestines stop working, and thats just it. 4 days of suffering to a degree i cant imagine... the doctors cut out his colon and some of his intestins to help, but it didnt help. Then his intestines started swelling too much, so they had to cut his stomach open to relieve the swelling, kept his intestins in a bag. And then my wife and I had to hold him, and tell the doctors when to take him off the respirator so he could suffocate to death." My face was hot, tears streaming down my face as I remembered every moment of that awful week. "Or was it me? Was he punished simply because of something i did? Was I punished through his torture? I would have traded his place in a moment, I went every day since, wishing it was me, begging that it was me. A father is supposed to protect his child, I failed Ronin. He died a death i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy."

That one thought brought me to my knees, tears pouring like it just happened, having tried to heal for 2 years. All of a sudden I was angry at Athena, angry at the world, angry at myself. It all blended into a white hot hate, that fueled every cell in my body. "Why did you stop me from dying? I want to die. I deserve to die."

Athena grabbed my shoulder with one hand, "Jack, let it all out. Grieve for your little boy, get it all out. Shout, scream, get angry, and then burn out the energy. That is how you heal, you dont heal by keeping it all in." She wiped tears from her eyes, but I didnt see. I was lost, but she continued." What happened to your little boy, was awful. No, I am not saying things like that are anyones fault, but they happen. They happen all the time, and that is the torture you put yourself here for." Before I could protest what she was saying, she put her hand up. "Listen, just listen. What makes a god, a god? Well Ill tell you.... belief. Belief makes a god, a god. Look around the old glyphs, old pictures, symbols. Look at me. You think I need human sex organs? You think I need boobs? What turned me into a male demon? Belief. Now ask yourself, what can turn a god into any form it wants? What do you call a being that can form any diety it likes just by wanting to believe in that diety? You need to remember who you are Jack."

I sat there, so confused. No longer angry, no longer sad. I was trying to wrap my head around what Athena was telling me. "What are you talking about, I didnt turn you into a demon, that was other people from the distant past. So what are you saying? There are 7 billion different "gods" on the earth today?"

Athena smiled, "No Jack, there are over 7 billion different fragments of a mind that was assimilated into 7 billion different points of view, 7 billion different circumstances, 7 billion different lessons to be learned. Learned from the true mind of God. You, Jack. You, and Ronin, and every person you know, and every person you dont know. Every person you feel a connection with, even though you dont know them, have never met them. They are you, and you are them. If mankind can overcome the obstacles, can learn the lessons you set out to learn millions of years ago, you will be reborn as the bornless one. You set upon this path on purpose, you purposefully broke your mind into fragments, and set up this cycle of birth, life, death cycles. Each cycle, each era, you learn a set of lessons, and then life after life, after learning each lesson, you gain enlightenment, have a chance to come back together again, into god form. You have to wake up, you have to ascend, because era after era, mankind seems to get a bit more lost in itself. I have come simply to remind you of how powerful you are"