Hurricane Season

a storm is coming.

I think he's dead.

we're lying on the living room floor.

a close up of eyes.

outside, its windy and raining.

I can hear the tv weather alert. a storm is coming.

I'm sweaty, bloody.

breathing heavy and fast.

I slowly look over to you.

you, motionless laying in a pool of blood.

my eyes twitching, blinking and overfill with tears.

the house is empty. the tv is still on.

the storm is outside.

she starts the car.

closes the door.

it's dark and windy.

heavy rain now while she's driving.

it's hard to see the road.

she’s driving towards the beach.

she sees his face in her mind.

sometimes we must visit the past to know,

how did we get here?

its hard to remember how.

its hard to want to.

With intrusive thoughts interrupting.

a repeating stupid song.

choices you regret.

maybe you'll thank me later.

I was only trying to help you.

this is what you wanted.

you would forgive me anyway. no matter what I did.

I'm sorry it had to be this way.

but aren't you proud?

there's a montage of images

of me and you

over the years and years

children laughing

parties

holidays

gifts

smiles

sex

love

hate

we had stopped talking

you gave me your attitude

you laughed at me

called me names

screamed at me

scared me

made me hurt

made me suffer

held me underwater

wished me dead

hated me

and you hate me now

there's no music on in the car

it's so windy it's moving the car around the freeway

I have these great plans for you

I've been inspired to by you

we're almost there and I'm not sure what to do once i get there.

there's no one around to ask.

I was only defending myself.

every woman understands.

we're at the beach.

the storm is here and its perfect.

you came home and I was cooking

we never got to eat

this always happens when we fight

a wasted dinner.

you are so attractive

and you know my body so well

I do miss the caress of your lips on mine

with your warm tongue gliding

you get a phone call.

I pick up my phone and browse social media

just waiting for dinner to be ready

I turn off the stove

then I stare off into space

you hang up

you turn to me with hate in your eyes

I call your bluff and ask what's wrong

nothing, you say

oh it's nothing

I hate you in these moments

I say to myself I don't care

you make plates of food.

I say,

it's not that bad

what?

the storm?

who cares

what's wrong?

nothing

bullshit

don't you feel stupid doing this?

don't you feel like an idiot?

living this lie?

do you want me to leave?

yes.

fine

but I don't want you to leave

to just come back

I just want you to be gone,

forever

your face is in mine

you push me to the couch

you're holding me down

I kick you off of me

you jump right back

you grab me

you throw me across the room and i fall down

I can't get up, I'm tired

you come to me again

you ask if I'm ok

I try to break your nose

unexpectedly blood gushes

all over you

all over me

everywhere there's so much blood that

it looks fake

but you're faking it, that's what you do

you pretend to cry

then you stop

your eyes are closed

you're on the ground

you look asleep

and I feel relief

is this how it really happened?

what if they ask questions?

I don't care if I go to jail.

I don't care about anything.

we're at the beach now.

what a perfect way to get rid of a body

no one is around

everyone will think you died in the hurricane

I'll just say you left me, you had a mistress.

it's a ghost town here.

it's meant to be.

Ill pretend to be sad and maybe I actually will be

but I can't carry you.

I'll have to drag you out of the back seat.

onto the sand you fall heavily

blood stains the sand

it sparkles a tint of red

the water is too close to my car

I need to abandon you

like trash

I head home

there's flooding as I pass these streets

I realize this is how I'll remember you.

forever.

the wind feels cool and strong

the rain is cold and moving many directions

the waves grow taller and crash hard like glass breaking

The clouds are so beautiful and blue with dark purple tops

the shore is covered with blood

the body lies still

the cold feels so lonely

water spouts in the distance

the atmosphere dark and brutal

fingers twitching

and one eye opens

Happy Anniversary honey.