Fish Food! Part 1 of the Horror-quarium Miniseries

Blue-green light shimmered and rippled across the aquarists ceiling.

This was his favorite room. The only room he cared about.

Every wall was stacked with beautiful, well tended aquariums. And there was one huge on the floor, dead center of the room. The air was full of that delicious salt-and-algae smell. He breathed deep and let his body enjoy the rush. A wave of endorphins and a tremor down his spine.

Tranquility.

Such peace in the sound of filters bubbling away.

He clicked off the day-lights, walked around the big tank in the middle of the room, and turned on the black lights over the neon tetras. They were so vibrant, a shimmering dancing rainbow of electric color-- but to him, utterly boring.

They were too simple, too easy to raise and care for. Nothing he took any real pride in. Not like his expertly cultured saltwater tanks. And certainly nothing like his river wolves-- how he adored those! How he loved watching them feed.

Still the tetras had their uses. They made great bait for hookups.

He filmed them darting around in their tank and whistled a jaunty tune.

Then he uploaded the video to all his dating apps.

He wasn't bad looking so he'd always had decent luck on those apps. But he'd found that adding little bits of proof about his hobby leant him a certain... sense of endearment? Or maybe a trustworthiness in the chats.

Both men and women matched with him more and lowered their guard a little sooner than before he'd started humble-bragging about his fish keeping game.

His phone buzzed. Millixoxo, a 32 year old woman 15 miles away had matched and sent: "ur pics are cute and all, but I wanna know more about those fish!"

What the hell was wrong with those goddamned filters! Hadn't he set his preferences for people over 50 miles away?

Why the SHIT was he paying premium for an app that couldn't even stick to the rules he'd wanted?!

He grunted and forced himself to breath. He knew it was partly his fault. He really needed to check the distance before he swiped right. But trawling the apps was simpler, easier, and less work when he simply swiped right on everybody.

His finger hovered over the unmatch button, but something in her profile pic caught his eye. She had a really sweet smile, kinda toothy and crooked, but still the kind of smile that just made her seem like a good, sincere, and gentle person. And her eyes. They were gray like the ocean after a storm.

He would love to see those eyes well with tears. He’d love to see those lips curl in a grimace….

And he figured, what harm could there be in a little chat?

"ur pics are cute too :) what do you wanna know about my fish-babies??"

And the more he looked at her smile the more he wanted to bring her home.

But she seemed so innocent. And there wasn't anything in her bio about hookups or casual connections. If he wanted to take her home, he'd have to play the long con. Still, he was never a patient man, and he couldn't help but throw some hints.

If he came off too strong, and she backed off he'd simply take it as a sign that he was playing to close to home.

He quickly tapped out a message, "but fair's fair, for every question I answer I get to ask one of you.... but be warned I'm in a devious mood ;)"

The app showed she was still typing her response.

He turned the lights back on, set up his siphon, and started cleaning the substrate in the largest tank, the one in the middle of the room. His prized fish darted away from the current, as he vacuum hosed out the feces and the tattered scraps of food.

His phone buzzed, she said: "Fair sounds fair :) as far as questions anything goes!"

That was better than he'd expected.

Her first question came up: "Do you name your fish?"

He grinned. The perfect first question. And he knew just how to use it. "Yes. Sometimes, but only the ones that matter most to me. All my fish are special, but the only ones that get named are the ones with personality.... My favorite fish is named "Pig," and I'll bet a coffee down at Rocky Roasters that you can't guess his species!"

"Clown fish?"

"No, haha! Good guess tho. I do have clown fish and some anemones actually. but no, Pig is DEFINITELY not a clown fish. What's fair, how many guesses should I give you before you owe me that coffee??? Either way you already owe me a question, so here goes ;p have you ever hooked up with anyone on this app?? This is a judgment free zone btw :)"

The "Millixoxo is typing" indicator flashed for less time than he'd expected.

"Well... not yet. But that's kinda why I'm here. I didn't put it right in my bio because... I guess I don't want to hook up with some skeezeball, you know? But, yeah my ex was cheating. I found evidence in his phone, and the worst part is he's always been the jealous type. Even though we've split, he keeps trying to tell me he knows I'll come crawling back. He's a stupid asshole. I kinda know that if I play around with someone new it will really show him that he's been replaced. If that even makes sense. I dunno, I probably sound petty and terrible. I wouldn't go so far as to say I want revenge. But I want him to really understand its over. I mean we're through and I wouldn't have ever cheated on him. But I want him to get a little anxiety over the idea that someone else gets to have what he took for granted. Does that even make sense? I hope I didn't just scare you away by admitting I'm a terrible person :( Sorry. End rant."

He used the skimmer to remove some of the pink film from the big aquarium he’d been siphoning, this was Pig's tank. Pig would definitely need a new filter soon.

"DON'T APOLOGIZE! This does NOT make you a horrible person. sorry that dumbass cheated on you... but you know what they say, there's *plenty of fish in the sea!* haha, i know that was corny af. but seriously, you deserve to have a little fun after what he did, there's nothing petty about it. I mean, I don't wanna be too forward or whatever but why don't you take another couple guesses, so we can figure out who's buying when we meet at the coffee shop ;) What I'm saying is I really like your pics and i wanna get to know you in person to see if we click. never know how things might go, we might be able to find that fun together...."

"Is Pig of those algae eater sucker fish? Those prehistoric looking ones?"

"NOPE! I assume you're talking about a pleco? They're actually catfish btw! Great guess, but no. One more guess and then you're buying. But if we hit it off, I'll make it up to you over dinner."

He used the sifter to scoop some debris out of Pig's aquarium. He was such a messy eater.

Her last message came quick: "I know he's not a goldfish, but damn it I just wanna get the game over with so we can meet ;)"

He messaged back, just as fast: "lol X') haha, great sense of humor. Madam, I'll have you know I'm a world class aquarist, and gold fish are cheap carnival prizes. jk, I actually do have some goldfish, and I like them so this is unironically a decent guess! But no. Pig is NOT a goldfish."

"sooo, what is he then? you gotta tell me!"

He sent back "Nice try! but you're gonna have to wait until you meet him in person Milli!" Then he sent her his number, and they set up a time to meet.

He smiled in the wandering blue light and whistled another happy jingle. He went to the walk in cooler and opened it. Plenty of food stores for his lesser fish, but he was running low on food for Pig, so the timing couldn't have been better. He pulled an arm off a shelf and snagged it on one of the meat hooks over Pig’s tank.

He turned the crank and lowered the chain so just the finger tips were dipped in the water.

The aquarist beamed with pride as he watched his prized piranha nibble and tear at the longest finger of last week's hook up. Then he crooned in the brackish smelling room: "You're in for a treat Pig, I'll have another live one for you soon my sweet. I know how you love to nibble on the squirming ones!

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