Death was only the beginning.

By Michael V Gorena

He was always the last one picked for everything and he had accepted it his whole life. Not many friends till after high school. His parents called him a late bloomer and others a loser. That didn’t matter to him anymore. Life for the last year and a half ago hadn’t changed much. He lived alone, walked alone and the only place he could escape was in his mind. He had survived but he always wondered at what cost? With no body around except them walking around aimlessly till they found something to feed on. He liked to sit for hours and just watch them from his roof. Clumsy and stupid until one day he saw her. He now fumbled with the the necklace in his pocket as he thought and stared at her.

She had been his idea of perfection and taking care of her now despite of her condition, did not bother him. He had met her as a kid in high school and she was the one girl that never left his thoughts. He was always a loner before it all started and finding her only brought back his true feeling. She was always so nice to him. He was in her room with her like he had been for days now. She looked really bad and smell worse but he could still see the beauty in her. She had always been the only one for him. He looked at her and said, “Kay, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I should have been”. It’s hard to tell you this but I was in love with you, I wish I would have had the guts to tell you. You were all the girl I ever needed or wanted. In the end, I think I had stayed single hoping that one day you would be mine.

Seeing you with other guys always put me in a dark place that I lost myself in. I never wanted to step on any toes and the only way I could talk to you was to pretend that it didn’t bother me. My conversations with you were the only a way to be close to you. You had no clue did you? I looked at you from afar so many times and dreamed that one day I would be able to hold you. You were always the only girl for me Kay. I was waiting for you and always thought that one day you would have noticed the real me. It was my only dream in this dirty world but I never lost hope. I never had much to offer but my kindness. I loved you, and each time you had your heart stolen by thieves, then broken I wanted to run and hold you and tell you about my how honest my feeling were for you. It always hurt me just as much as it did you. I couldn’t understand why these guys didn’t love you as much as I did. I hated it and you being with my friend that one time was one of the hardest times in my life. Hearing him speak about you, I would dream it was me sharing those moments with you. All I ever wanted, was for you to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. You are so beautiful to me but what I couldn’t see was even more beautiful. I saw beauty in everything you did or said. Many times my heart tightened up just as soon as I saw you. You are and have always been the only one for me, why was I such a fool? I should have spoken up but to be rejected by you and lose your friendship wasn’t worth it to me. Would you have given me a chance Kay if I had spoken up? I now wish I had since my love for you never weakened. Softly muttering to myself, “Damn it Kay, I cant handle this!”

I get up and walk out of the room as she reaches for me. I walk into the hall and stand their holding my head in my hands. It spins and when it finally stops, I can feel my senses returning. “What am I doing”, I ask myself? Why am I doing this, telling her all this now, why! I can see her in her bedroom her eyes seeing right thru me. I smile at her crying inside, and I know that this isn’t for me it’s for her. It’s always been about her. In my wandering lonely and alone, looking for food or much need supplies I had stumbled on her. She was walking alone and I brought her home. Was it fate? My head hurts but I need to be strong and finish what I started. I slowly pull myself together. I walk back into the room and sit down on the floor opposite of her and look deep in her eyes and continued.

Do you remember the night of the big show, it was raining? You had your heart broken by another fool that night, my hand I’m my pocket again feeling the cold metal. I couldn’t be around you like that but I paced outside in the rain telling myself to go back inside and tell you how I felt. I knew it wasn’t the time so after a while I walked alone to my car and left. I cursed him for hurting you as I drove home that night. I wanted to go back, hurt him worse then he had hurt you but it wasn’t my place. It might have hurt you worse. After I got home that night I stayed outside getting wet and imagining your face in the dark clouds. I think I cried as much as you did that night. Why couldn’t I tell the only girl I ever loved the truth. I hated myself but the next time I saw you, I was glad to see a smile on your face. I knew the horrible reasons why but again I just wanted for you to be happy. Kay, I even dreamed about you all the time in my sleep.

That night of the show I dreamt that it had turned out differently. You had come with me after I told you my feelings outside in the rain. We had drove to my house and you never let go of my hand. I was in heaven and time and space had finally collided, just for us. I remember taking you inside and after helping you dry off I gave you something warm to wear. We spoke all night and you finally rewarded me in the end with a single kiss. Right before dawn we fell asleep together on my couch, your head rested on my chest and my hand held yours. That morning when I woke up I had the biggest smile on my face but after realizing that I was still alone, my heart broke and a cold sadness rushed thru me. I spent the entire day in bed thinking about it. It was the most beautiful dream I ever had, even if it was just that.

Kay, I needed you so much. Hell, do you remember seeing me all the time in your store buying candy? I hate candy, but you were there. I would have tried my best to make you happy. I would have put your happiness before mine, no girl meant as much as you did to me. I would have been your fool if you would have given me a chance. I would have married you and made it my job to make you smile everyday. You would never have had to cry for me, Kay. My life would have been perfect with you by my side. We had so much in common but I guess I never let you know. That was my fault Kay. I should have told you but I was afraid of you thinking I had other intentions. Kay it was never about that, I loved you too much to disrespect you in any way. To have you in my arms was worth ten times more to me then to have you in my bed. I would have waited forever just as long as I could have had you all to myself. I wish I could have taken you somewhere far away from all the pain those idiots caused you. We could have lived far away all alone and I would have never have regretted it. To me you were the most perfect women I had ever met. What can I do now? I can promise, to never leave you alone. I can promise, you will never be hurt by me. I can promise to be yours forever. Kay, I love you more then myself and to be without you is no life at all. I will be with yours forever no matter where it takes us. I get up and walk up to her. I put my hand in my pocket and pull out the gold necklace and heart pendent I had always meant to give her on her birthday. I get behind her and finally place it around her neck. She reaches for me with both arms and a horrible moan. I take one of her hands and snap the handcuff on her wrist securing her to me. I release the rope from her arm then pull her towards me. Her other arm wraps around me, I pull her tight against me. I can feel her hungry mouth near my neck. I feel warm liquid ooze down my chest as she bites down, so much pain as she rips thru. I don’t scream, but instead remain still for her. I tell her its all right, I love you Kay. She is finally mine and we will be together forever now. It was not too late. I close my eyes and as she feeds on me. She is everything I ever wanted and now I am hers, we are one. She will be my undead Juliet I will never leave her and death is only the beginning. A single tear runs down my cheek and I have the biggest smile of my life on my lips as I slip into darkness. She is finally mine.