Child of Beda

There were always people telling stories about how all the mounds in the tundra were unmarked graves, how only a few still had their head markers, and how we should never step on a mound because it would upset the spirits.

That scared the crap outta me because I always played in the tundra, and there were so many mounds that I could not walk without stepping on one. Plus, my neighborhood was filled with noisy construction from the new houses being built, and it also didn't help that my house gave me that spooky feeling... Like something was very angry we were there, and would not rest until we were gone. Sometimes the swing that was attached to the outside of our house would swing by itself... and this would always happen on a day that had no wind. I know my mom was scared, too because the dishes in the kitchen would rattle by themselves.

In Barrow, Alaska the ground is all permafrost. Permafrost is completely frozen ground, and if it all were to thaw, the ground would become very unstable... more watery than anything! That's the reason everyone's houses were built on stilts.

The land over the permafrost was all tundra that was full of grassy mounds and no trees. Matter of fact, the first tree I saw was when I was six years old in Anchorage, Alaska. The house my dad built was constructed 6-8 feet above the ground on wooden stilts. Our house was small, me and my brother shared a room, and my parents shared a room. We had a kitchen, living room, bathroom, and qanitchaq (mudroom). My dad didn't put doors up to separate the rooms, nor did he build railings for the porch and steps at the front of the house.

My dad built the house kinda weird... To get to my parents room, you had to go into my room.. There were no hallways, only curtains hung to separate the bedrooms and bathroom. We did not have running water, nor inside plumbing, so for a toilet we had a honey-bucket, which was a metal can with a trash bag inside of it and a toilet seat on top, and we had a big water tank that would be filled weekly by the city waterman we called Water Joe.

This was a summer where it was still little bit windy and spots of black ice in places. I had been inside for a couple of days. At night I'd hear the dishes rattling, and during the day I'd hear the swing banging against the side of the house. I was scared, but what could I do? I was just a kid.

One boring day, I poked my head outside and saw my next door neighbor across the street playing by herself. I guess she felt me looking at her because she looked right at me and motioned her arm in a way to tell me to come outside and play with her. I went out to my porch and told her to come to my yard, but she did not want to leave her yard for some reason... I thought that was weird but didn't pay it much attention because I had been inside all day and really wanted to play with someone. I popped my head back into my house and told my mom I was going out to play.

My mother was busy in the kitchen cooking so her attention span was already consumed with a goal of not burning dinner. My dad was sitting in the living room, with the TV on, as he read a newspaper waiting on my mother to finish dinner.

As soon as I took a step towards the stairs, I slipped on some black ice. My front porch and stairs didn't have railings so I got the wind knocked out of me because I fell about 8 feet to the ground and landed flat on my back. Before my vision went black and I passed out, I looked over at my next door neighbor for help because she knew I was hurt, but she never left her yard to help me. I just saw her staring at me from her yard, then she turned around and walked away slowly. Then my breath gave out.

When I woke up, I was walking with a woman. I do not remember a face, but she wore an old nun's outfit... and I remember her heart. If that makes any sense. She was holding my hand and told me that she was taking me to see my mom. I didn't know her, but I wasn't afraid. I remember the warm weather brushing my cheeks and the soft wind blowing my hair during our walk together. The way she held my hand was gentle, and the way she walked with me was loving and comforting. Like she knew me.

She brought me to this log cabin and put me into a really comfortable bed and covered me in a blanket that was sewn together from different square fabrics. She caressed my face and said "Everything's going to be alright" then she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. I fell asleep.

When I woke up this time, I was on the ground. My chest was hurting and I could barely breath. I have no idea how long I was laying there, but no one was outside, not even my neighbor. I went back inside my house and didn't tell anyone anything because I thought I'd get in trouble. I just went to my room and laid down to rest because the pain was terrible. My mother still does not know this happened to me.

It's been almost thirty-seven years since that happened and I'm still unsure of how to view that whole thing. Did I die? Did I anger a spirit that much that they wanted me dead? Was that woman in my dream an Angel?

Thinking back about how all this played itself out, how haunted my surroundings felt, and all the spooky stuff going on at that time...... I really don't believe that the little girl I saw outside was my neighbor.