Beneath the Surface

Staring at my reflection in the crystal lake as my body lies prone upon the dock that extends from the backyard of our families lake house.

Memories play like a home movie on the canvas of my mind.  As my sister runs to the end of the dock, the film reel ends.  I can even hear the flickering of the film as it spins around and around.  My reflection is disturbed by a tear that ripples the mirror like surface of the lake.

Mom made sure Emma and I were strong swimmers.  We would go out on the lake for hours on a wooden raft that dad made.

Our game was to see how long we could hold our breath under the cold lake water.  The record was one hundred and fourteen Mississippi’s, held by yours truly.

“Okay Robyn, I’m gonna break your record!”  As I shouted, “ready, set, go!”  Emma sucked in as much air as she could and pushed herself underwater from the side of the raft.  I laid on my back on the warm wood of the raft counting, “one Mississippi, two Mississippi…”.  When I got to one hundred and twelve Mississippi’s, I raised up on my elbows and thought, “holy crap, she’s gonna do it!”.  

I rolled over to the side she was on when I got to one hundred and fifteen Mississippi’s.  She’s still under the water or maybe I had the wrong side.  I quickly rolled over to the other side of the raft.  “Emma!  You can come up now, you did it!”  I jumped in the water and swam frantically around the raft.  I swam underneath, side to side and down, deep as I could go.  It was as though the lake swallowed her without a sound.

As the Sun was sinking beneath the horizon, I was keeping watch for my sister.  Here comes dad on his kayak.  “You ladies okay?  It’s dinner time!”  I remember my stomach tingling and losing feeling in my feet.

I awoke on the living room couch to familiar and unfamiliar voices.  Pastor Randy and dad were speaking softly and several police officers and firefighters were talking on their radios.  I peered over the back of the couch and through the window only to be blinded by spotlights outside by the lake.

As the Sun rose to bring the day, it somberly greeted the small lake community with its light as the search for Emma continued.

Mom just kept walking and walking around the lake.  Every once in a while she would sprint towards an object only to find a log or a pile of rocks.  I found myself sitting alone at the end of the dock, talking to Emma as though she was there, beneath the water, listening to my broken words.  One evening I wrote her a poem.

"Oh my dear sis

Never knew how much I needed you 

Gone without a kiss 

All my days and years and life are blue

I can still see us

On the raft that one September day

Carelessness freed us 

As the waters carried you away”

When my sister sank to the bottom of that lake, so did a piece of myself, a big piece. Emma always protected me.  She was voicetress and brave.  I felt safe and alive knowing Emma was near.  Now she’s in the cold, mysterious water, calling me, begging me to come, to join her.  Perhaps she found us a place to play, a new world of wonder beneath the surface of the lake.

The water was frigid, but I didn’t care, I had to be with her.  I could hear her counting, “one Mississippi, two Mississippi…”. It was getting louder, I was getting closer to my sister.  Some would say instinct would not allow me to go on, on the contrary, instinct pulled me further, deeper into the paradise Emma had discovered for us.  “Almost here Robyn, don’t be afraid, we’ll be together soon.”

What breath I had left was suddenly knock from my lungs and a scuba mask quickly placed over my face. I was being pulled underwater to the other side of the lake, the scary side! My sister and I would dare each other to swim as close as we could to that side where the goblins and trolls lived. It was filled with trees and strange noises. As the sun went down, you could hear what sounded like children laughing or crying, maybe both. I found myself flailing under the arm of a tall, strong figure. The man’s face was hidden as he hunched over from the scuba gear upon his back. I could hear his voice begin to fade, “stop fighting me, I have a weak heart…”

I must have blacked out because I came to in a room all alone. It smelt of stagnant water and hard boiled eggs. There was a can to pee in, an old mattress that stunk of puke and no furniture.

From behind the locked door, I heard a man’s voice. “Are you up? I can hear you moving around.” I answered, “I’m up, why am I here? Who are you? Please let me out!” “Relax, I’m not going to hurt you! In fact, I saved your life, you should be thankful.” He went on, “six years ago I lost my precious little girl, Jada, to the lake, she was maybe your age when she drowned. I can hear her coming and going, in and out of the lake. I had a little heart attack when I first realized it was Jada, now I just get excited when hear her sweet voice. She whispers to me the lullaby I use to sing to her when she was three years old.”

“Don’t be afraid oh little bee

It’s just me, it’s just me

Don’t be afraid oh little fish

Swish and swish if you wish

Don’t be afraid oh little jay

Fly away if you may”

“That’s very touching!” I shouted. “But why am I here, please let me go, I won’t say anything!” “I can’t, I need you!” He shouted back. “I can trade you for my little Jada. The lake told me I can!” “Okay then, let me go into the lake and I’ll send your little Jada back.” “It doesn’t work like that, I have to sacrifice you on the night she drowned, October thirteenth. Just two weeks from now.”

The next morning we continued our conversation from behind the locked door. “How did you find me out in the lake?” I inquired. “I was searching for your sister’s body so I could bargain with the lake for my little Jay bird. Then I found you.”

The next two weeks were brutal. I was barely given enough food and water and my body ached from the thin mattress. I even got a bladder infection, fever and all. I actually couldn’t wait for the thirteenth to arrive.

I hear him marching down the hallway towards my room, my torcher chamber. “Tonights the night, it’s gonna be all right! The table is set with all of Jada’s favorite foods, I know she’ll be hungry.” The door flings open, and I’m grabbed by the monster’s giant hands. He doesn’t look like a monster, clean shaven, smells good, neatly dressed and in a good mood. A ready made noose is tightened around my fragile neck and he begins to drag me to the water, towards the big rock that his precious Jada fell from into the lake and drowned.

“Almost there, almost there!” He exclaims. As I’m being dragged through the mud and rocks, I hear a faint whisper. It gets louder, “Don’t be afraid oh little bee, it’s just me, it’s just me. Don’t be afraid oh little fish, swish and swish if you wish. Don’t be afraid oh little jay, fly away if you may.” He screams. “Jada, Jada, it’s you!” “I’m here daddy, come to the rock, I’ll show you how I can swim now!” He leaves me as he runs to the top of the rock to watch his precious Jada swim in the moonlight. All of a sudden the man falls to his knees in terror, grabbing his chest, he tumbles into the lake dead.

From the shore I see a figure standing on the rock in the light of the moon. It’s Emma, I see her just as she was that September day. “Go home sis.” She points to a raft, the one dad made, floating in the shallow waters. Emma slowly walks back into the paradise she found beneath the surface of the lake.