All for the Love of you

Olivia set down a large, brown towel, “Time to get out.”

“Marvin wants two more minutes.” Tommy replied while holding up a blue starfish.

Olivia smiled, “If you stay in there any longer you’ll get all pale and wrinkled, like a little old man.”

Tommy pondered, he looked down at Marvin, “Sorry, Marvin, I gotta go.”

Olivia laughed to herself as she turned around to grab the towel, but it wasn’t there. “Um…Wait right there, sweetie.” She left the room, headed toward the linen closet at the end of the dark hallway.

“Mommy?”

“Just a second, Tommy.” She opened the closet and reached up for a towel.

“Mommy?” Tommy cried.

“Hold on.”

“Mommy!” Tommy shrieked.

Olivia jumped at the sound of his scream, dropping the towel to the floor, “Tommy?” Olivia raced to the bathroom and pushed open the door, “Tommy?” Her eyes widened as she peered over the edge of the bathtub to see a new born baby floating face down in the water.

“Tommy!” She screamed. She felt her heart hammering in her chest as she reached in and pulled out the child. She flipped the baby over, as she did, its plastic eyelids fluttered open. She stared at the doll and tilted her head quizzically, running her fingers through its muddied blonde hair.

She heard Tommy’s voice come through the doll, “Mommy?”

“Liv?”

Olivia jolted awake at the sound of Sally’s voice. She looked up towards the jungle gym where Tommy was climbing, squinting as the sunlight bounced off the lake and into her eye line. She looked up to Sally and groaned, “Did I fall asleep again?”

Sally laughed as she sat down next to Olivia, “You were only resting your eyes.”

They watched as Alisha, Sally’s daughter, ran to play with Tommy. The two mothers and their children frequented this park over the summer as it sat just behind their neighboring homes.

“I’m just so tired.”

“The nightmares?”

Olivia nodded, “They’re getting worse.”

“Have you called that doctor I told you about?”

“I don’t like shrinks.”

“Dr. Murphy isn’t a shrink, he’s a mental health advisor.”

“Same thing, Sal.”

Sally sighed, “You’re a single mom, it’s probably just stress, and I’m sure he can help you.”

Olivia yawned, “Yeah...I’ll think about it.”

***

Olivia sat next to Tommy on the edge of his bed, he sat nestled under her right arm, “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you.”

Olivia smiled as Tommy joined in to finish the song.

“It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford the carriage. But you’d look sweet, on the seat of a bicycle built for two. Of a bicycle built for two!” They both howled the last note together.

Tommy laughed, “Again!”

“No, no. That was the last time, we’ll sing again tomorrow.” Olivia stood from the bed and tucked him in.

“I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, pumpkin.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, “Goodnight.”

Olivia walked to Tommy’s bedroom door and reached for the light switch, she looked back and glanced one last time at Tommy before turning off the light and exiting the room. She took a few steps down the hallway, headed to her own room, but stopped when she heard a click coming from behind her. She turned around and saw a light coming from Tommy’s room.

“Tommy?” She walked down the hall and slowly pushed open Tommy’s door.

She stepped lightly towards Tommy’s crib, trying her best not to wake him. She smiled as she looked in, Tommy was sleeping, his arms had broken free from his swaddle and were stretched out as if he were preparing to make a snow angel. She reached in and gently ran her fingers through his hair.

Olivia froze when the floor creaked behind her. She felt the uneasy sensation of being watched. She stood up straight and slowly turned, but was relieved to see no one standing behind her. She took two steps toward the door and looked into the empty hallway. With no one in sight she turned back towards Tommy, only to be met by a woman standing only inches from her.

Olivia could only assume this to be a woman but could not be sure, as the woman was fuzzy, comparatively to an out of focus photo. And her eyes...she had none. Not a facial feature in sight but a black void where a mouth should be. Olivia felt paralyzed, her body trembled as the woman crept closer to her face. The woman lifted her hand and placed it on Olivia’s chest, undoubtedly feeling the beat of her racing heart. Suddenly, the woman pushed through Olivia’s chest cavity, grabbing hold of her heart. Olivia let out a hysterical scream, one deriving from a pain so horrid that it woke her from her sleep.

***

“So,” Dr. Murphy said as he sat across from Olivia, “what brings you in today.”

“Well, my friend, Sally, suggested I come see you...for my nightmares.”

“It doesn’t look like you’re getting much sleep.”

Olivia rubbed her sunken eyes, “No, I’m not.”

“Tell me about your nightmares, do they ever repeat themselves?”

Olivia shook her head, “Not that I can remember. I’m usually with my son, putting him to bed or giving him a bath. And then…”

“And then what?”

“Well, I don’t know. Last night it was something new.”

“How so?”

“There was a woman, I think it was a woman.”

“Did you recognize her?”

“No...she had no face.”

The doctor nodded, “Can you tell when you’re trapped in a dream?”

“No, they always feel real.”

“Hmmm…” Dr. Murphy prepared to write on his notepad, “Take me through the earliest nightmare you can remember.”

***

Olivia and Tommy sat at the edge of the lake near the low, wooden bridge that stretched across to the other side. Olivia held her knees to her chest, her face tucked away, trying her best to ignore sleep’s seducing call. Tommy laid on his stomach coloring with crayons. He sat up and tapped Olivia on the shoulder, Olivia looked up to see him presenting his sketchbook to her.

“I’m done.” Tommy said with a smile.

Olivia returned his smile and took his book, “Wow!” She exclaimed.

“It’s a dog!”

“It’s very pretty.” Olivia replied as she lifted the page to look at his next picture.

The moment her eyes landed on the picture she felt her stomach sink. A common drawing, Olivia and Tommy standing next to one another holding hands. But an addition that Olivia had never seen before, a woman...the woman from her dreams standing to the right of them.

“Who is this woman?”

“That’s you.”

“No, not me,” Olivia points to the woman in the drawing, “her. Where have you seen her?”

“That’s you, mommy.”

“Tommy!” Olivia commanded, “Where have you seen this woman?!”

“Liv?” Sally said from behind them. Olivia turned to face her, Sally was standing with Alisha, “Hey, kids, go play for a minute.”

The kids were quick to accept her offer. Olivia stood, still staring at Tommy’s drawing.

“You don’t look so good, Liv.”

“I…”

“Why don’t I take Tommy tonight, so you can get some sleep?”

Olivia was prepared to protest, but instead she simply nodded.

***

Olivia climbed out of the bath and wrapped herself in a towel. She exited the bathroom and walked into her bedroom, sitting down on the edge of her bed. She reached for a bottle of lotion but stopped short when she heard someone singing.

“Daisy, Daisy...give me your answer, do…”

She stood from her bed and walked towards Tommy’s bedroom where the voice was coming from.

“Tommy?” She called out, quickly remembering that he was at Sally’s.

“I’m half crazy all for the love of you.” The singer began repeating that line over and over, their voice growing deeper each time.

Olivia's hands began shaking as she stepped closer to Tommy's door, reaching for it but hesitant to push it open. “I’m half crazy…” The voice started, but went silent as Olivia entered the room.

Olivia looked into the room, both relieved and horrified by the absence of logical reasoning behind what she could only surmise to be sleep deprived delusions. Olivia took a few steps into the room to reassure herself that it was indeed empty.

As she stood alone in the room she heard someone whisper from behind her, “All for the love of you.” Their breath brushed against her bare skin.

Olivia jumped, turning quickly to face the empty doorway. She began to cry frustrated tears, turning once more. She expected to face a moonlit window but instead faced the dreaded woman from her previous dream. Olivia let out a gasp which was cut short by the woman running towards her as she let out a fearful scream.

The woman extended her arms, grabbing hold of Olivia and pushing her against the wall. As Olivia hit the wall she awoke, emerging from the bath water, desperately gasping for air.

***

Olivia sat in Dr. Murphy’s office, her eyes bloodshot, surrounded by dark circles. The doctor paid no attention to Olivia’s sickly appearance.

“How are you?”

Olivia stared off, not focusing on any particular thing in her view.

“Olivia?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“If these are dreams.”

“What would they be then?”

Olivia stayed silent.

“Do you know when you’re dreaming versus when you’re asleep?”

“No...”

“Have you tried to become lucid while dreaming and waking yourself up?”

“No...I...it never feels like a dream.”

“There’s many ways to tell if you’re dreaming or not. You can try pushing your finger through your palm, looking in a mirror, reading something…”

“That won’t work…” Olivia muttered as she held her head, she could hear a high pitched note ringing throughout her ears.

“Did you kill your son Ms. Hanson?”

Olivia looked to the doctor, shocked and horrified by his question. “What?”

“I said, do you fear for your son, Ms. Hanson?”

Olivia shook her head, “No...I...” She stuttered.

“It seems all of these dreams have that in common, Tommy is somehow in danger.”

Olivia shook her head again, “That…”

“Do you fear for your son Ms. Hanson? Is your son in danger?”

“No, he’s fine.” Olivia protested as the doctor continued his questioning.

“Are you putting your son in danger, Ms. Hanson? What happened to your son?”

“Stop!” Olivia screamed as she stood from the couch. “This was a mistake.” Olivia grabbed her purse and quickly left the room.

“Ms. Hanson, wait!” The doctor called after her, but she did not hesitate to leave.

***

Olivia laid down on the couch, the TV on but no plans to watch it. As she lifted her feet she heard Tommy call for her.

“Mommy!”

Olivia groaned as she got up, she walked unsteadily, bracing herself on the wall. She pushed open Tommy’s door, “Tommy?” The realization hits her that Tommy is not in his bed, her eyes widen as the panic sets in.

“Tommy?” She glanced around his room before looking up through the window to see Tommy holding the hand of the woman from her dreams, as they both walked toward the lake.

“Tommy!” Olivia screamed before racing out of her house.

She reached the playground and paused, looking to her left to see the woman taking Tommy onto the bridge, “Tommy!” Her feet smacked against the pavement as she ran with great speed, and yet she could not reach the bridge in time. The woman led Tommy to the edge, glancing up at Olivia before jumping into the water with Tommy.

“No!” Olivia screamed as she rounded the corner and stepped onto the bridge.

Olivia sat down on her knees and stared into the water, searching for any sign of life. As she stared at the surface of the water she watched as her reflection became more solid. The woman had floated to the top of the water, Olivia’s face fitting perfectly in her silhouette. The woman leaps from the water, Olivia flinched away but the woman was too quick, grabbing hold of her shoulders and pulling her into the water.

As Olivia hit the water she closed her eyes, opening them only when she heard a voice come over the intercom.

“Dr. Menus, you’re needed in the E.R.”

Olivia’s whole body shook, she took in a shallow breath as she looked down to see that she was now sitting in a chair. The blinding fluorescent lights bounced off the laminate flooring, turning the entire room into a glaring, white mirage. The confusion caused a blaring ring to start in her head and echo out into her ears.

“Ms. Hanson?”

Olivia looked to her left and saw a young doctor standing in front of her.

“Ms. Hanson, did you hear me?”

Olivia shook her head.

“You’re son...he was under the water too long...there was nothing we could do.”

“What?” Olivia shook her head in disbelief. “No...No!” She screamed as she placed her head in her lap, she looked up and gasped with the sudden realization, “I’m dreaming…”

Olivia stood, tears streaming down her face, “I need to wake up!” She exclaimed.

“Ms. Hanson?” The doctor called after her, but Olivia had already passed through the double doors at the end of the hall.

As Olivia passed through the doorway she entered the kitchen of her home. She examined her surroundings, unsure of how she got there. She stepped into her living room to see that it was full of her friends and family, sympathetic looks plastered to their faces. Her breath became heavy, a disorienting feeling overcame her, as if she was watching a memory she had no recollection of.

As she reached the far side of the room, groups of guests parted like a black sea to reveal a large picture of Tommy when he was a newborn, displayed for everyone's viewing. That’s when she realized where she was. A funeral...Tommy’s funeral.

Olivia looked to Sally who was standing in the corner, “Where’s Tommy?”

Sally had no answer, or at least not one she wished to give.

“Sally! Where is my son?! I want my son!” The room quickly cleared as Olivia continued to scream.

Sally rushed to her side, “Liv, he’s gone, Tommy’s gone.”

Olivia’s eyes welled, “No, I just need to wake up. Sal, I need to wake up!”

Sally grabbed hold of Olivia’s arm to lead her to another room, but Olivia instead fell to her knees.

“Please!” She cried. Sally tried to console her but Olivia curled up into the fetal position, hiding her face in her hands. “Wake up, wake up.” She muttered to herself repeatedly.

“Mommy?”

Olivia gasped as she looked up, Tommy stood before her in their otherwise empty living room. “Tommy.” She reached forward and brushed her fingers through his hair, she smiled before pulling him towards her and wrapping him in her arms. “Where did you go, Tommy?”

“I was sleeping...but I heard you crying.”

Tommy pulled away, Olivia wiped the tears off of her face, “I’m sorry I woke you, I'm okay now.”

“Can you sing me back to sleep?”

“Of course I can.”

Tommy led Olivia to his room, they sat together on his bed. Tommy sat nestled under Olivia’s right arm, she ran her fingers through his hair as she began to sing.

“Daisy, Daisy...give me your answer, do.”

As she sang, the room around her began to change. The wallpaper peeled to reveal cement walls, the light faded until the lamps were gone altogether, the only illumination came from the moonlight shining through the barred window.

“I’m half crazy all for the love of you.”

The only furniture left in the room was the bed in which Olivia and Tommy were sitting. But that too changed into a metal frame with a thin mattress. Even Olivia’s clothes changed from her normal sweater and jeans to a grey jumpsuit. Eventually, the whole room was nearly empty and Olivia was left sitting on the bed alone.

There was a knock at the door before it opened slowly, two young women in scrubs stepped in, “Hi, Ms. Hanson. This is Alice, she’s a new nurse on your floor, I’m training her on the night shift today.”

Olivia did not answer, instead she continued humming the song.

The girl waved Alice inside, she brought with her a cart full of prescription medication.

“This is Ms. Hanson. She suffers from dissociative disorder and delusions.”

Alice nodded, “And...the doll?” Alice pointed toward a baby doll with muddied blonde hair, nestled under Olivia’s arm, taking Tommy’s place.

“Oh…” the nurse continued in a hushed tone, “That’s part of her therapy. See, Ms. Hanson drowned her baby in the bathtub five years ago.”

“On purpose?”

“They don’t know, she had a psychotic break and insisted that he was still alive. Dr. Murphy says the doll helps her feel like a mother again.” The nurse grabbed a cup of pills and some water and walked over to Olivia’s bed side, “It keeps her calm...right Ms. Hanson?”

“Shhhh!” Olivia demanded, “Sally, Tommy’s trying to sleep.”

The nurse smiled sweetly before handing Olivia her medicine and watching closely as she swallowed.

“Who’s Sally?” Alice asked.

“Me, most days.” The nurse replied before taking the empty cups from Olivia. The nurse put the cups on the cart and began pushing it out while Alice held the door open. “Goodnight, Ms. Hanson.” The nurse said without looking back into the room.

Alice quickly followed, shutting the door behind her, leaving Olivia alone.

“Can we sing again, Mommy?” Tommy asked, his voice originating from Olivia’s own head.

“Of course we can.” She said with a smile, “Daisy, Daisy...give me your answer, do.”

Tommy’s voice combined with Olivia’s as they sang the next line together, “I’m half crazy...all for the love of you.”