Letters From Oneida

January 30, 1870

My Dearest Jane,

I am not so frugal that I would spare the expense of a stamp, yet I leave this letter on your doorstep because I want to prevent any hands but mine and yours from touching it. This is the most intrepid composition I have ever generated because I feel so unworthy of your attention. I can hardly bear the thought that my affection may be misguided.

The day I met you whilst in the town square, purchasing goods at your father’s establishment, an event occurred within me that I am at a loss to describe. You were behind the counter, plainly attired for work, and so at ease that you did not appear affected nor coquettish, as many women in the city are wont to be. Your countenance, fair and pleasing, along with your long, flowing locks, drew my gaze, yet it was your graceful and unpretentious demeanor that set my heart trembling with inexplicable fervor. You seemed more an ethereal being, one touched by the hand of Providence itself, a gentle spirit at ease amidst the rough-hewn implements of an ironmonger’s shop. I marveled at how such a creature could move so in harmony with her surroundings. You would have been a vision to grace any scene, yet your celestial presence in a place generally inhabited by the sturdy men of labor was nothing short of wondrous.

Whilst I never thought I would want to leave the Oneida Community; I am considering it now. Our communal practice of complex marriages, wherein we can enjoy physical love with anyone we desire providing that the desire is mutual, has kept me contented for a while, but I have felt for some time that something far deeper could be attained than the predictability and comfort of our sequestered community of only 297 souls.

Even in this closed society, despite our best intentions, we still too oft divide labor based on gender rather than talent, and I always feel we are wasting God-given gifts, marching in lock step like the Prussian Army that recently went to war with France. Alas, much like armies and other such institutions, our leaders emerge not from a noble desire to serve, but rather from their own willfulness and insatiable lust for power.

Times are changing and maybe I can extricate myself from the cocoon of my brothers and sisters and venture out in the world at large. I do not believe, however, that I could do that without you by my side.

I pray that the world may be finally catching up with the values of my communal society. I perused with delight in the Albany Evening Journal this evening that Hiram Rhodes Revels became the first negro to serve in Congress, and Esther Morris became the first female Justice of the Peace in America. That gives me hope that anything is possible if we truly demand equality and afford everyone their due. With the promise of a more just society, I can endure, and even relish, a more conventional lifestyle, including monogamy.

The second time we met, when you agreed to walk with me by the Herkimer Mansion, I felt something spiritual. I looked up at the sky that day and saw pink-tinted clouds with the brightest silver edges I had ever seen, and it felt like heaven on earth. I know how embarrassingly cliche is that but, in your presence, I am stymied. How does one dare attempt to describe a rose to the best specimen in the garden?

I want to start a new life with you wherein we serve each other, and thus, the world by extension. I believe that is the key to a good life, the willingness to contribute equally, and with just the two of us, it is more feasible to hold ourselves in check, than could a community, no matter how altruistic or like-minded may it be. Whilst misfortune and disappointment may burden us from time to time, love will lift us to a higher place, and nothing shall deter us.

My proposition is a simple one - become my partner for life in marriage, or otherwise if you prefer. In exchange, I will leave the Oneida Community and never return. I have discovered how difficult - perhaps impossible - it is to maintain the same level of esteem for every member of the group. Small jealousies arise, and the struggle for power takes root. We are burdened with no less than twenty-seven standing committees and forty-eight administrative divisions, and yet, it seems that naught is ever accomplished. Nevertheless, I have found a semblance of home within these walls, and I once believed that nothing would ever drive me to forsake my chosen family. Yet, with your revelation, I am now certain that I shall never again find contentment in my present circumstance.

I now believe that I joined the group in the conviction that American society was faltering and that the love between two individuals could not endure the test of time. While I remain uncertain of either matter, I now find myself persuaded that you and I possess a rare chance, not only to remain together, but to remain profoundly in love. I am prepared to stake all that I hold dear upon this belief, and I implore you to make the same wager with me.

With anticipation,

Thomas Reisen

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February 2, 1870

Dear Thomas,

I have received your letter, and I was surprised but delighted that you are willing to leave your adopted family to partner with me. When you strolled into my father’s shop, I noticed you and immediately assumed you were a member of the Oneida Community. You looked so at peace, and I did not feel I was talking to a customer - more like a fellow traveler on this earth, firm in his footing but yearning for something more.

I have always been independent-minded and nonjudgmental, so a person’s background is inconsequential to me. Still, I was hesitant to take that walk with you to the mansion because I sensed that it could be a journey in new direction, though I had made that trek and seen the mansion many times before.

I am not dissatisfied with my present circumstances and have not seriously considered a change. Nonetheless, the prospect of a new life has some appeal and your dreams of equality and serving each other are enticing.

Since you have raised the matter, I must express my preference for marriage prior to our residing together—not that I place great moral importance upon the institution itself, but rather because it would serve as a symbol of our strong and binding commitment to one another. Furthermore, as I have previously mentioned, my mother passed away whilst birthing me, and I find it necessary to continue aiding my father in his business until we establish an enterprise of our own and he has secured someone to take my place in his service. It may even come to pass that he will require to share a household with us at some future point. We would also need to discuss whether children would be in our future, before any decision is made, since it is one of my unalienable ambitions.

I’m raising these concerns now because I have learned from working with building materials that a solid foundation must be planned before anything can be established with the expectation of permanency. You may have concluded by now that I am not swayed by romance or fantasy. I am a practical woman with no time for dainty things or triviality. While I was amused by your ‘rose’ metaphor I want you to understand that I am not the romantic type. You do not need to shower me with gifts or flattery; I would prefer honesty and consistency.

Were I to accept your proposition, it would entail a rational decision based on my calculation of the likelihood of success, not a flight of fancy. I do indeed feel considerable affection for you and have no doubt it will grow even stronger in time. I do not take it lightly that you would give up your current station for me, but I know myself well enough to believe it only fair to warn you of my basic requirements.

I have stated my terms, and I await your response.

With admiration.

Jane Stark

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February 4, 1870

My Dearest Jane,

I do hereby accept your terms, with but one condition added thereto. It is my fervent hope that we, as partners, shall converse openly and without reservation, shunning both secrecy and ill-will. Furthermore, I trust you have heard that on the day past, the Fifteenth Amendment was ratified, granting the right of suffrage to negro men. I do hope, in due course, that such a privilege may be yours as well. In our mutual enterprise, however, know that you shall wield equal influence over all matters of consequence from the outset.

With love and respect,

Thomas Reisen

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February 7, 1870

My Dear Thomas,

Shall we meet at the Lenox Tea Room in a few days and discuss the final details? A friend will cover for me at the shop in case it takes a while. I will dress up for this occasion but don’t expect it routinely.

By the by, I have apprised my father of our intentions, and he received the news with great composure. He was in no wise distressed by my omission in seeking his formal consent.

With mutual love and respect,

Jane

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February 9, 1870

Dear Jane

I shall see you tomorrow at the hour of one in the afternoon at the Lenox Tea Room, where we may partake of a repast. To spare us a lengthy discussion, I would be pleased to cover the cost of this meal, should you consent, and you may, in turn, treat on the next occasion, if it is within your means.

I can barely contain my joy!

Sincerely and lovingly,

Thomas