A Medal for Mettle

My dearest Melna,

I have achieved the award I never wanted. The United States of America has conferred upon me the Medal of Honor. For a Colored man, this is beyond the reach for most. By fighting a war which will help the Negro see greater possibilities, I think we shall advance forward. At the time of my actions, I was a master sergeant but soon became a second lieutenant. Oh, my love, I wish you could have been there when they proclaimed that I had earned this highest award in the American tradition of war.

How are my children? Is Rodney still trying his best to get into every little scrap like his daddy? How’s Catherina? Is she turning into the sophisticated young lady we taught her to be? I am so overwhelmed at the prospect that I will be coming home knowing that I saved a fellow member of the Buffalo Soldiers. You know how much we’ve already given to this country. We’re going to see the justice handed to us in spades. We’re going to see a groundswell of change coming soon. We ‘remember the Maine’ but will they remember the Negro woman and man? I just can’t stop thinking about your face. Your soul inhabited mine when I went to save my friend Thomas. I didn’t do it for the award, I did it out of selfish concern for a top value. It was like a lightning calculation that I had to act. I leapt and dragged him away from a shell and ran towards the rest of the company, keeping him safe from further bombardment.

You were on my mind the whole time. Your face flashed before my eyes like a zoetrope. I wanted to keep on going and going and just never stop until I knew he was out of danger. Imagine that…two Negro soldiers rolling through the jungle, escaping blast after blast only to meet up with the rest of the men. My love, I say that you are the reason why I even consider breathing anymore. I’ve seen such carnage and ugliness. I’ve witnessed the worst in man. But I am proud to say that I wanted to keep another man alive so he can go back to his love.

You guided my footsteps with each pound of the soil. I felt haggard and tied down but your words lifted me. When you said, ‘Just go out there and get 'em!’ I took that to mean to give my all for myself. I signed up for this war, I ensured that I had trained well, and I brought back a man before he was shelled. This is all because of you. Melna, you must understand that I am so glad I know that you are my beautiful bride. No matter what hellish conditions there may be, I know I can count on you to make things brighter. I am certain of this.

With my rank as a captain, I may not be as high on the totem pole, but for Colored men, it’s like being a general. Their eyes glaze over when they see the tracks on my shirt and shoulders. They stand a little straighter, their resolve solidifies even more. You, darling, must see how this is our way of expanding our reach to different opportunities in America. This country will be on the forefront of all the world’s dealings when we get home. Your love for me has reminded me of this fact. We’re going to live in better conditions than our ancestors. We’re going to have better chances at getting ahead in life. You’re like my North Star guiding me through the morass of ill-thought and underhandedness.

Through all of this we shall have a way of knowing each other as equals in the white man’s eyes in the sense of the law. I just can’t get over the fact that I actually earned the highest award for valor when I can still see the shells bursting with their white hot glow. My fellow warrior came within a few feet of being destroyed completely. That whitish red flash of the shells and the booming in the ears proved to be too much for me. I had to act. I had to get him out of there and he’s just a few bunks from me whittling some wood, whistling. The love we share was right there. It nestled into every movement of my muscles and more important, the coolness of my mind. I never hesitated to pick him up and get him away from the blasts.

I cherish the thought of our reunion. In the heat of everything that has gone on, I know I can count on you to be the stalwart in my life. Melna, there are words to express my love for you. That’s what I am engaged with right now! The fact that you are my wife and have carried the weight right along with me is a testament to the truths you have laid bare. The strength of our union is predicated on the power of both of us trekking the same journey. This has been a slight detour for me, but I am fully aware of the fact you’ve pushed me, tugged me, and above all motivated me to be more.

With this reception of this medal, I am clear-eyed about the fact you’re so engrossed with the capability to be a mother to our children. I will be home soon. I will be in your presence. Awards are great, but that’s not why I fight and that’s not why my men fight. We fight so we can return to a world not threatened by the pangs of disaster and the torrid effects of destruction and persecution. This I say to you, Melna, because you’re my all. Everything I’ve set out to do, I’ve been able to accomplish with greatness. Now, I know a Colored man is supposed to just shuffle along, but I cannot convey a message to you without showing some backbone and fortitude in my writerly ways.

Some of the men in my regiment can’t even read or write. I help them sometimes for a small fee of about twenty cents or so. It’s a boost to the spirit to know that one day, there will be fewer and fewer illiterate Negroes in the US and the world until there are none. I know you have taught many young men how to know their numbers and letters. As a speech-language therapist, I’d love you to meet the guys and we both could instruct them on the wonderful way of wordplay.

Melna, I thank you for giving me the courage to summon up in myself to do a task that had been fraught with peril. I came out of all of this with a shiny disposition and a sparkling mind frame. You have enlivened me, you have lifted me. For that, I know that you are truly someone glorious. I love you.

Frederick