Time to Find Some New Schitt

Here's the thing, I spend MUCH more time in my little bed in my humble abode with Netflix than I do with any human love interest per se. More often than not, I'm in a version of reclined with a laptop or phone perched up on my chest; I've got my hands in bowls of something or other that are bolstering me on either side and I've got a drink nearby with a straw for easy hydration access. It's the modern romance; I'm living the dream, amirite?

Does sharing a bed mean you're in love? Not necessarily, if TV has taught me anything, but it can! I recently got out of a relationship with Schitt's Creek and lemme tell ya, it was one with laughs, feel-good moments, ups and downs, and definitely one for the books. It's a good ex, one that I might visit from time to time, even if it's just to relive the good times. But a few weeks have passed since my last date together with the Rose family and it's time to move on, dive into something new because there's plenty of fish in the sea. I'm looking for something that resembles my most recent relationship: healthy, satirical, jovial, laid-back. You might be looking for something different. We've all got a type and this is a judgment-free zone. I may be here seeking my new interest, but my formula for doing so can be used for anyone who wants to find their next TV paramour. Here's how you can find your new one-and-only.

Let's start by making your profile. What do you look for in a show? Schitt's Creek was that person you find in a bar. Not the one sitting at the stools by themselves 5 shots deep or the ones slumped on the booth in the back with poutine all over their shirt. I'm talking the cool, quirky one with the remarkable billiards skill-shot. I'm looking for that one, the one that is authentic and isn't hiding anything. I'm looking for something that has comedy, that has levity, that isn't vulgar and that can hold an intelligent conversation. Select your preferences from the list of options on Netflix, Hulu, what have you, and let the games begin.

You have your potential matches lined up. You can keep scrolling through for minutes or hours, there truly are plenty of fish in the sea. You can't commit to ALL of them and still have a day job or even maintain daily sustenance so you need to narrow your selection down to the good candidates. Just take a cursory glance. How do they look? What highlights did they put in their show profile? Now I know, I know, "Arya, don't judge a book by it's cover! Didn't first grade teach you anything?!". Sadly, six years old is a distant past and I've gotten shallower by the second. After all, why bother with cover art and summaries if we weren't supposed to peruse and judge in open defiance of our elementary school teachers?? I like ones that are vibrant, colourful, or have distinct artistic qualities in their main picture. I find the ones that look the most appealing, either visually or based on the synopses and create a shortlist, maybe with a few runner-ups and honourable mentions just because I'm quite indecisive.

This is where your friends (real life ones or Google, everyone's true friend) come into play. Show them the list of options and ask them if they know any of them, if they can vouch for any of them, what they think of your pickings. They know you, they know what you're after, it could help you find a hidden gem that was right under your nose (literally). Maybe Google gives a 5-star rating for a few of them and maybe your more crassly-humoured friend Tanya ended it early with one of them because they were too brash with their jokes (and hey, if TANYA is saying it, then it must be a pretty hard pass).

This is all important intel in finding your next match. This trims the fat and means you can swipe left and save your time shooting your shot on an inevitable dud.

Now it's date time. Maybe it's the top 3 contenders, maybe top 5. They all have times set up already which makes it easy; just come home and get comfy. I'll let it play out the way they want, see what they got. In this stage, I want to see that they are truly what they said they were in the profile. I like the grand gesture right out the gate, not to be confused with the grandiose gesture. I don't want that first, test-the-waters kind of episode, the one that tries to appease every person attempting to watch it, the one that doesn't give you the real grit of the characters. But on the flipside, I also don't want that overly suave, extra zealous try-hard, the one where there's fireworks and explosions and gratuitous nudity and violence every minute in a cheap effort of adding 'entertainment value'. I want to see what this show is really about. Much like any real date, I want to know who I'm really about to get in bed with.

Now it's judgment time. My top three choices when finding someone like Schitt's Creek boiled down to Kim's Convenience, The Kominsky Method, and Succession.

All of which have the funny factor, the misadventures, and the warm-and-fuzzy effect of the cast. Maybe you've got time to kill and want to fool around with all three, that's cool. Me, I've got enough space and time for one so the axing continues. I don't need a new relationship that plays out a spitting image to the Rose's in terms of plot line, so I politely ended it with Succession. Much like anything else in love, you look for something that will allow you to grow as a person. The Kominsky Method was nice, checked boxes, but didn't add something to my life that I haven't experienced before in another show or movie. I indulged in a second date but eventually gave the swift pass on the third one. Which left me with my new one-and-only. At the end of the day, goodbye Rose family and hello to the Kims!