Oh, Brother: The Desensitization of Incest In Modern Media

The following piece contains spoilers from Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story, and Season 3 of The White Lotus.

Incest in our media has become more normalized than ever. That is a wild statement to write, let alone say, but it is an honest one. Once a taboo so verboten that even speaking its name could lead to public shunning, we are now in an age where several mainstream series have featured arcs with incest as the main theme.

An infamous moment in Degrassi Takes Manhattan, the Season 9 finale of the Canadian teen drama series, features a jealous sister kissing her twin brother to best her rival: his girlfriend. Both the original Gossip Girl in 2007 and its 2021 MAX revival teased incestuous pairings. The first was Dan and Serena, who shared a secret half-brother and, for a time, were stepsiblings. The others were newbie characters Jake and Grace, who were almost caught in the act by their mother, albeit not for the first time.

And then, of course, there’s Game of Thrones. Like, the entirety of Game of Thrones. By the time its final season aired, you could blindly throw a stick at any character and likely hit someone who had bedded their sister, cousin, uncle, etc.

Similar to the aftermath of school shootings and police-led violence that flood our social media feeds, many have become desensitized to seeing incest on-screen. To this day, incest is still one of the most widespread taboos across various cultures and religions, with some countries threatening the death penalty for those who engage in the act. And yet, here in America, two major series in the last year have featured incestuous pairings.

In Monsters, the second season of Ryan Murphy’s true crime anthology series, the gruesome murders of Kitty and Jose Menendez would take a back seat to the sexual undertones – and occasional overtones - of their alleged killers, sons Lyle and Eric Menendez, portrayed by Nicholas Alexander Chavez and Cooper Koch, respectively.

By episode 2, both Chavez and Koch had repeatedly been stripped to little or no clothing, including a scene where a sweaty Lyle addresses Eric while wearing nothing but a hot pink speedo and an open bathrobe (he also kisses him). Minutes later, the two attractive siblings throw a party and dance with one another seductively as confused guests look on.

In a later episode, the brothers are seen passionately making out in a shower, as a lawyer alleges that they have been in a secret relationship with each other.

The hedonistic nature of Monsters ultimately forced the real-life Menendez brothers to release statements from prison denouncing the series. Murphy would verbally retaliate by claiming the brothers should be grateful that the show was presenting the case to a new generation (which they did, but likely to assist their chance at parole). One day, we’ll talk about Murphy’s habit of using Black, brown, and queer trauma to further his career without considering those left to pick up the pieces of the brutal crimes he dramatizes – but not today.

Writer and director Mike White likens his hit HBO series, The White Lotus, to a character study involving taboos and how the privilege of white, affluent people often gets in the way of common morality. Growing up bisexual, White believed that queer people were forced to adhere to certain norms to please their straight counterparts – which he hated.

“My dad [who was gay] suffered a lot from wanting to appear good,” White told The New Yorker. “It was so important for him to say, ‘Gays are just like you, we’re good little boys.” But [I thought], ‘I don’t want to be making that argument for my [entire] career, or my life. I’m not a good little boy.”

Incidentally, when asked what fans could expect during Season 3 of The White Lotus, White brought up a plotline involving gay characters that was “truly Satanic.”

Spoiler alert: It was an apt summary.

Among the rich guests vacationing with the luxury hotel brand this season are the Ratliff family. They’re headed by financier Timothy (Jason Isaacs), whose freedom and life may or may not be in jeopardy due to an ongoing investigation.

Actors Patrick Schwarzenegger, son of Arnold, and Sam Nivola portray Timothy’s sons, Saxon and Lochlan, respectively. Saxon, a burgeoning businessman, is overly confident, constantly horny, and hasn’t met a boundary he hasn’t overstepped. Younger brother Lochlan hangs on to every word his older brother says, admiring Saxon’s bravado and his approach to life (“Get laid [and] get everything,” the elder Ratliff once imparts on his sibling).

There is also a third sibling, sister Piper Ratliff (Sarah Catherine Hook), who we see arguing with Saxon for sharing private details of her sex life with their younger brother. Again, no boundaries.

Following a very intrusive conversation about Lochlan’s sex life, or lack thereof, in episode 1, we see Saxon exit his bed completely naked to masturbate in their shared bathroom. Lochlan’s eyes hold on his brother’s nude body for several uncomfortable moments before Saxon finally shuts the door (an edited version of the scene is below). The moment is never distinctly addressed, but it lingers around until Episode 5, where things take a drastic turn.

An inebriated Saxon and Lochlan invite two female vacationers to a yacht, seemingly to hook up. While there, Lochlan is dared by one of the ladies to kiss his brother. Saxon tries to brush off the request, but Lochlan follows through twice, with each kiss increasing in passion. While stunned, Saxon doesn’t exactly pull away.

In the following episode, through hazy flashbacks and assistance from their female companions, Saxon realizes that he pleasured himself as Lochlan lost his virginity to one of the women in the bed next to his – but he’s only half-right. The reality was that Lochlan was pleasuring himself and his older brother, stroking Saxon to climax while going pound for pound, so to speak, with his female guest.

Saxon is immediately disgusted and disturbed by the recollection. Lochlan, on the other hand, appears far less bothered as the memories return to him during a meditation class.

This arc, while just as disturbing as any other featuring incest, is one of a few not played for shock (something White promised fans a few weeks ago). Saxon, previously self-assured and confident, is now emotionally and mentally shattered. His younger brother, someone Saxon saw as needing his guidance, instead violated his trust and his body. Even worse, as Saxon was under the influence, the interaction falls under the guidelines of rape, adding yet another layer of extreme violation.

Sona Kaur, a consultant for RAINN (The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Hotline) shared with TIME how incest victims often feel after such an experience.

“When abuse occurs within a familial relationship—one that is supposed to be characterized by safety and trust—victims can experience high betrayal trauma,” Kaur explained.

“[Incest] victims may worry about the consequences for the larger family and feel pressure to remain silent due to loyalty, dependency, or the need to protect family members. They may worry about social taboos or experience confusion about the abuse itself.”

As per usual, fans of The White Lotus immediately flooded social media after the controversial episode to share their takes. Some were stunned, others were disturbed, and the rest… were somehow offended that everyone else was stunned and disturbed.

"I bet the Saxon/Lochlan morality police are absolutely beside themselves after last night’s episode of The White Lotus,” one Twitter user would post.

Some commenters went further in their mockery by questioning how anyone could be offended on behalf of a fictional character. I’d probably respond how ironic it is that they likely sat with bated breath waiting for the two fictional brothers to sexually interact with one another – but I digress.

Instead, I’d like to flip the script for a moment. If incest between fictional characters isn’t worthy of analysis, then let’s talk about Paul and Lee, two very real men from England who met on a dating app in the early 2010s.

They exchanged messages for two years before meeting, building a strong foundation. When they finally did meet, it was love at first sight. For the next three years, Paul and Lee would date each other exclusively, eventually becoming a happily committed couple. When marriage entered the conversation, Lee thought it would be best to introduce Paul to his potential future in-laws.

At that first meeting, Lee’s stepdad and his mom, Ena, liked Paul enough, but couldn’t shake the feeling that something seemed… familiar. They noticed how similar he looked to Ena’s ex-husband, Ron, whom she had left sometime before. Coincidentally, Ron’s surname was also the same as Paul’s, though Paul had never seen Ron before in his life.

It was then that Ena dropped a bomb – she had once given up a child, a boy, for adoption.

Frightened at the thought that they could be brothers, Paul and Lee contacted The Jeremy Kyle Show, a UK talk series similar to The Jerry Springer Show, to request a DNA test.

Paul would explain on the show that at 18 months, he was placed into child care by his birth family. This would link up with the story told by Ena, who gave her child away after being unable to handle a fourth mouth to feed and the separation of her relationship with Ron (Lee would be born to a second man sometime after). Ron, who was contacted by Lee’s family and also invited to the show, confirmed that one of his children was given away by Ena at 18 months.

Sadly, Ena couldn’t offer up much else as she was at the start of a battle with early-onset Alzheimer’s. Any further memories she could provide were long gone.

Before the results were read, Paul and Lee promised each other that if they were brothers, they’d find a way to sift through the pain and embarrassment to be there for one another. If they weren’t, then they’d continue to work on their wedding plans.

As you’ve probably worked out by this point, the DNA results were, in fact, a match: Paul and Lee were half-brothers… and they were devastated.

“It makes me sick,” Lee shared after several moments of silence. “It makes me feel horrible. I can't describe it."

Kyle couldn’t help but point out the irony: Paul lost his best friend and lover, but gained a brother and a family all in one day. Paul walked off set in tears, with Lee soon following. They would share a tearful embrace, trying to cope with their new reality as brothers while also grieving the five-year-long relationship that both men saw as their “happily ever after.”

Here’s the thing: All media is, in some form, a reflection of who we are as people. We engage with media in hopes of better understanding one another; specifically, the good, the bad, the ugly, and occasionally, the immoral that is found in all of us. What Saxon Ratliff experienced at the hands of his younger brother, even if they are fictional characters, is a reflection of what real-life victims of incest and rape experience. People were disturbed by what led up to and occurred on that yacht because incest, in itself, is disturbing.

In the matter of Murphy’s Monsters and The White Lotus, it’s clear that one series relied on shock, while the other appears to have purpose (I don't want to boost White's ego too much before the season ends). There was a real story to be told with Monsters as well as lessons to learn, but it was cast aside for the sake of having two conventionally attractive men be as naked as possible.

I will, however, give credit to Koch for his work throughout the series; especially in episode 6, “The Hurt Man.” He clearly understood the assignment.

In contrast, The White Lotus has used nudity and sexuality in the Ratliff brothers’ arc to serve the unsettling themes. Each time Saxon or Lochlan has been sans clothes, something strange is afoot between the pair. The audience is not supposed to focus on their naked bodies or how “hot” they are. They’re supposed to be paying attention to how peculiar and dangerous their interactions are becoming.

Somewhere along the way, people started confusing having a moral compass with being conservative. If morals are similar to boundaries, then the less we have, the more we put ourselves in danger by allowing others to have open access to our time, peace, and energy. If dealbreakers are meant to protect us from unsuitable love interests, then why can’t morals protect us from everything else?

You don’t have to agree, and you can even continue getting your rocks off to Patrick Schwarzenegger being groped by his on-screen brother. But if you’re mocking others for expressing distaste over the idea of siblings having sex with one another -- even if that sex is scripted for entertainment purposes -- then perhaps now is the time to wake up and realize what it is you’re watching. This isn’t porn. It’s trauma.

Oh, and for those saying the inappropriate relationship is fine because the actors aren’t related? Even Schwarzenegger admits he had trouble kissing and being intimate with Nivola… because he’s supposed to be playing his older brother.

In closing, I won’t judge anyone too harshly for how they view a TV show that was made, in part, to push limits and challenge mindsets. Instead, I’ll share some of the things I believe in with my whole heart. They may not be morals, but they are standards that I refuse to budge on.

• If you’re a creative using incest to create “shock value,” do better.
• You can be open-minded and still have morals. Do better.
• Ryan Murphy is kind of the worst. Do better.
• Random, but Jonathan Bailey deserves everything and more.
• Props to Mike White and The White Lotus for tackling a heinous topic as respectfully as one can do on an HBO series.
• Can we please stop with the incest stories for a while? Besides, Game of Thrones gave us more than enough for the rest of eternity.