My guilty pleasure is watching "The Bachelor" reality show

Sometimes it’s hard to admit that your favorite TV show or let’s say your guilty pleasure considering binge-worthy to some. It all comes down to the psychology of the situation. Human needs to feel that they’re correct, even if they’re not. Or it’s safe to say people may have a different point of view.

Look at bachelor and bachelorette for instance. The show is designed, the series of drama and stories around a single bachelor (deemed eligible) who starts with a pool of romantic interests (typically 25) from whom the bachelor is expected to select a wife. Or in the case of the bachelorette to select a husband.

I totally understand it’s a popular show, but we all know that a reality show like this is actually kinda fake. It’s more about entertaining an audience than documenting the truth. But what is truth anyway?

My inner storyteller knows that the minute we put the experience into language, it becomes untrue. It is then, inherently, from our point-of-view.

I used to think that the show “The Bachelor “is chasing an outdated idea of romance and fairy tale Marriage. I also criticized the fact that different girls with different personalities and styles are competing to get the same person. As a dedicated viewer and fan of the show, I can say these criticisms are absolutely true.

For me, the power of the show is more about the human study. Although the characters might be created by the creative mind of producers

with each actor/actress flavor, but they’re still different characters and personalities.

In my life, I was always fairly open and accepting of pretty much everything and everyone in my life. But by growing up and gain experiences I learned that an integral part of being a responsible adult is establishing limits for myself. Making choices that are in my own best interest even when they aren’t enjoyable at the moment. One of those important choices is to set boundaries for everyone. To take every person through a qualification process to protect me.

Okay! So first things first – you may be wondering, what are personal boundaries? Well, think of them as the set of behaviors, beliefs, or values that you have decided to live by. Standards and boundaries govern how you live your life, what people learn to expect from you, and what you’re willing to put up with.

I usually think of personal boundaries as a way to communicate my needs to others; a way to tell them how I want to be treated.

All relationships need boundaries. A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from others. They separate my physical space, my feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. My boundaries also tell other people how they can treat me – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without boundaries, people may take advantage of me because I haven’t set limits about how I expect to be treated.

From the show “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” I learned that weak standards and high standards traits can be seen in different people, in different ways, in different areas of their lives. Everyone is unique. But the basic sentiments are the same.

The show allows me to judge each personality based on my experiences, feelings, and behaviors to set boundaries for each individual. You and I, we judge others. And they judge us. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive or non-harming intentions.

For me, It’s some kind of imaginary practice. This show helps me to see if I’m a good judge of a character or not. Practice makes perfect and I want to be perfect in setting boundaries and values in my life.

I believe we judge for the first reason because our minds want to simplify the processing of information by putting environmental clues into categories. This makes things so much easier, doesn’t it? But not everyone necessary is a good judge. Some people’s judgment often comes from a negative place, with a darker intent.

Then from the show and different characters you can see people judge for other negative reasons. Sometimes they cannot connect with a person’s belief system, values, or behavior. Or a person somehow threatens how they perceive themselves.

By watching the show and seeing girls who mostly are younger than me, I’ve noticed that my increased level of self-love has helped me judge a lot less or let’s say less negative.

Also, I’m more aware of it now when I judge because I feel threatened, and with awareness, I am able to step back and ask myself whether my initial judgment is true.

Besides the love fairy tale and marriage, the show is a competition. Women compete, compare, undermine and undercut one another — at least that is the prevailing notion of how we interact.

Feeling on guard around other ladies is normal for a lot of women, and it’s exhausting. I exhausted myself for years trying to understand how other girls could have gone from my closest allies to my scariest foes.

That aggression is a combination of “self-promotion,” making themselves look more attractive, and “derogation of rivals,” being catty about other women.

When our value is tied to the people who can impregnate us, we turn on each other. You can watch this happen in all seasons of The bachelor. They are friends, and they are laughing and enjoying each other but by the time The Bachelor walks into the room they are suddenly aware of a new dimension.

Of course, people in different situations react differently.

Everyone has certain likes, dislikes, quirks, and idiosyncrasies — all the qualities that make up your personality, the things that make you, you. That everyone has unique personalities makes life more interesting (or, sometimes, more difficult).

But where do personalities come from, and why are they so different?

Everyone can be described as having varying levels of agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, extroversion, and openness to experience. Usually, no one is entirely an extrovert or an introvert, or a total neat freak or a slob. While a minority may be at the extreme ends of a trait, most people are somewhere in the middle.

At the first cocktail party of every season, the Bachelors or the Bachelorettes are so excited about the choices and the number of options they have. But after 2 or 3 episodes the audience can feel and see the chemistry, body language, and flow of the conversations with some limited choices.

Relationships are perhaps the most important foundation for everyone’s life.

If you have great relationships, there’s virtually nothing that can defeat you, or even discourage you. The truth is that finding a romantic partner requires a lot of effort and luck. That could sound demoralizing.

But there’s a positive side to this realization. In understanding that great romantic relationships are by no means easy to come by, I come closer to appreciating how full my life is with my husband who is the best match for me.

By watching a full season of The Bachelorette your eyes might shine at the first episode when all the hot, handsome, and charming guys get out of the limo one by one. Yet, at the end of the season as a viewer, you kinda have an idea of each guy character. Then you really understand why finding your true love is so hard. It’s a relief for you to not care about the number of breakups or meet-ups anymore.

When you step back and realize how many factors go into having a happy life, you can better understand that why none of those past relationships didn’t work.

One of the things that I hear very often is that people want to understand others better. They want to learn to read them and understand what their unspoken messages mean. This is quite hard for some, and it can make their lives and their ability to form relationships very difficult, as 97% of communication is unspoken. Clearly, we need to be able to pick up on the unspoken messages that people are conveying to us.

In today’s busy world, everyone is in a hurry. We hardly pay attention or take the time to understand people close to us.

We make superficial judgments without making the real effort to understand the reason behind people’s actions. No one has time to pause, reflect and take a conversation to a deeper level. The show let me understand people on a Deeper Level.