Fifty Shades of Plaid

Okay, I'll confess: I'm guilty of binge-watching all sixty-seven episodes of my favorite time travel romance between Jamie, a dashing 18th century Scots Highlander, and Claire, a saucy 'Sassenach' woman from the 20th century who is "not the meek and obedient type."

It's a welcome diversion from the sci-fi horror show that was the year 2020. Because during quarantine, I craved some (lots of) escape and found Outlander while browsing TV shows on my laptop.

Once I clicked watch now, like the main heroine, I went through a portal in time, arriving 277 years back to 1743 war-torn Scotland. I'm transported through the screen, where Highlander warriors in kilts rampage upon the wild heather moors, clansmen swear fealty to their laird, and lusty sex is enjoyed in wild abandon. Instead of passing through an ancient stone in Scotland, I simply mouse over the watch button and press play.

Outlander is a visual feast for the mind, episode after bloody episode. I've had to accept the gory bloodshed on battlefields to appreciate the love scenes all the more. But, hey. That's the way of mad Highlanders for you.

Since this Outlander binge, I've become obsessed with British historical drama television shows, like Downton Abbey, Victoria, The Crown, and most currently, Poldark. Confession: Poldark's hero, Ross Poldark (actor Aidan Turner), is in fierce competition with the likes of Jamie Fraser (actor Sam Heughan) in my wildest bodice-ripper fantasies.

If you're a history junkie, you'll appreciate the Jacobite uprising, the Battle of Culloden, Bonnie Prince Charlie (well played by actor Andrew Gower), and, mark me, lots of men in kilts. It's all about the castles, the Scottish countryside, and the Clan MacKenzie.

The sex scenes between Claire and Jamie are ripe with soft-core sensuality and fiery passion complete with afterglow by the fire. Their steamy on-screen chemistry is as palpable as my racing heartbeat.

I've lost count of time spent drooling over Outlander outtakes with swoony actor Sam Heughan. In several interviews, he claims to be searching for the kind of love his character Jamie has with Claire. (Oh my.)

In the late 90s, my friend Mary gave me a copy of Outlander by author Diana Gabaldon and said, this book is addictive. As I dove into the spellbinding love story, we both agreed that James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser was our ideal man. There couldn't be anyone in the world who was actually like Jamie Fraser in real life.

Well, actually, there is.

Actor Sam Heughan is convincing as the real-life Jamie Fraser, a sensitive heartthrob who can both act and speak Gaelic. He can also ride a horse like a champion, swing a sword like a warrior, and umm, bathe in a cold stream sans shirt, kilt, and breeches. He's gallant, brave, and, mark me, a total duine uaibhreach (Gaelic for gorgeous man). Well, what's Gaelic for hottie?

Claire Randall (Caitriona Balfe) is the feisty heroine of Outlander. She's an English World War II nurse visiting Inverness on honeymoon with her husband, Frank Randall. Everything seems to be going along nicely until Claire transports through time from 1945 back to 1743 by touching an ancient stone at Craigh Na Dun. She finds romance with the Highland warrior Jamie Fraser, and thus, her life is forever changed in two different points in time.

Claire deals with lairds, clansmen, herbs, battle wounds, pirates, witch trials, and life without plumbing or penicillin. Her signature curse phrase, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, adds to her many eloquent expressions of profanity. She's a marvelous Sassenach, indeed.

Actor Tobias Menzies brilliantly plays Claire's scholarly 20th-century husband, Frank Randall. He also doubles as Frank's sadistic ancestor Jonathan Wolverton Randall, known as "Black Jack," Captain of His Majesty's Eighth Dragoons.

The cringe-worthy violent scenarios involve deviant "Black Jack" Randall, who has a penchant for sadistic perversion that goes both ways. He's a psychopath who gets his jollies by flogging Jamie within a breath of his life. In the throes of his twisted obsession, he becomes something of a monster. If you aren't familiar with the Marquis de Sade, you might be shocked by the homoerotic sex and torture scenes at Wentworth Prison.

But dinna fash. There's plenty of heroic rescuing, passionate lovemaking, and drams of whisky to quench your thirst for the grand love affair between Jamie and Claire.

Oh, and Claire is lovingly called 'Sassenach' as a term of endearment by Jamie. (Sassenach is a not-nice Gaelic term for an English person.)

I've devoured all four seasons on Netflix, only to find the next seasons are exclusively on Starz. Alas, Outlander may not return to its time travel adventures for a while, leaving fans like me in a state of "Droughtlander."

Listen to my favorite Outlander Playlist on Spotify.