Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker Changed My Life

A/N: This is my personal reflection on how the main scenario of Endwalker impacted me. I'm not claiming my interpretation to be "correct" nor am I analyzing these scenarios in the context of the story. I'm just talking about how key moments affected me outside of the way it relates directly to the story. (That could be for another post, if there's enough interest someday). That being said, there will be spoilers, so if you haven't beaten it yet, you've been warned! Also, this only covers the main scenario and does not talk about Post-Endwalker MSQ.

"The sorrow of a thousand, thousand worlds weighs heavy. And yet, you can walk on."

I think the overarching theme of Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker is pretty obvious. Generally, the story is telling the player that, through life, there will be suffering. You may feel as if you are strong enough to face it alone, but that strength is nothing compared to the power you will have when you are surrounded by those you love. Take care of them, and they will in turn take care of you... Or something like that.

It's your pretty standard theme of friendship that you will find in many a video game or anime, but the way in which the writers chose to write this journey and frame key moments in the game is very thought-provoking and even poignant, at times.

When I finished the main scenario of Endwalker, I was in a daze for the first few days afterward. I felt as if my body was filled to maximum capacity with emotions that I couldn't quite place, but if I didn't talk about them, I was going to explode. Naturally, I decided to write this post, but, of course, I was still so struck with awe that I couldn't get the words out. It's been a few weeks now, and I think I'm finally able to write some things out, so here we are.

It took a while for me to figure out which scenes I wanted to talk about, but I've narrowed it down to some of the most iconic moments. There were so many parts that just made me FEEL something, but I think these are the most profound ones. So, in no particular order, here we go.

Let's start with the moment Zenos decides to enter the Warrior of Light's body. I was shocked. When I saw the wicked, dead-eyed stare on the face of my character, my stomach dropped. She had never had an expression like that before. She... Me. I was cold, I was hot, I was angry, and flustered. I didn't know a game could make me feel so violated.

I've dealt with scenarios in life where I've had to do things against my will and been harassed until I gave in. This moment brought all the anger I experienced in those moments right back into me. The sequence afterward was horrible. It was a great addition to the storytelling, don't get me wrong. But I struggled with my feelings and my skill level, and it really hammered home the idea that, alone, things are a lot harder to achieve.

Venat: “Has your journey been good? Has it been worthwhile?”

This part is the part that inspired me to write this. This moment brought tears to my eyes. It was quite surprising, honestly. I was suddenly hit with a rush of feelings and immediately started thinking about my life to this point. I can’t quite explain it, but it was as if everything in my life that I'd cherished and endured brought me to this moment... and it made me cry. But also smile.

Life hasn’t been the easiest. I don’t think I know anyone who has had an easy life, but if that’s you, you’re lucky and, I mean this in the most genuine way possible, good for you. I’ve already touched on my personal journey a little bit here, but I have had some pretty dark moments in my life. I had to grow up quickly, navigate the ins and outs of that while still trying to live a normal teenage life, constantly striving to maintain the image my family had of me while always trying to be better than that image, while staying true to myself. Doing that caused me to lose myself for a long time... And, although I had some good experiences on my journey to discover who I truly am, I had a lot of pain, caused a lot of pain and hurt for others. I even attempted to stop living at one point... But I’m glad I failed. I’m glad I had all of these experiences. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had this moment to reflect and to feel the emotions I felt at her words, to realize how life really has been so worthwhile.

Matsya, running from the Blasphemies.

This is a powerful scene. I loved Matsya, and not just because he is an elephant. Because, I do love elephants, too. Haha.

Matsya represents all of us at one point or another in our lives. We all strive to aim for finding a passion in something that will help those we love or care for, but we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Matsya’s not very good at speaking to others, (dang social awkwardness!) but he wants to sell his fish to help his community. He’s a good fisherman.

In this scene, the Final Days are upon the world of Etheirys. The sky seems to literally be falling and the people around him are turning into Blasphemies, creatures that form when the people are overcome by fear and despair. The Warrior of Light has saved and infant and has tasked Matsya with getting the baby safely back to their village.

As he is running with the baby, he is panicked. The sky is red and seems to tear open as the Blasphemies loom around him, trying to make him succumb to his despair. As he runs, he starts to recite the scripture of his people, to calm himself and give him strength to save the small infant.

The scripture:

"Know this, my children, there is more ugliness than beauty in this world.

To live is to suffer.

To drink of calamity and drown in anguish.

To toil and be tested, always and ever.

'Tis a perilous path you walk.

Death lurks in the dark, and is the sole promise that awaits at Journey's end.

You will tremble with terror. You will weep tears of anger and despair.

But do not avert your eyes.

See your life for what it is.

Then you will see how hardships make you strong.

Every doubt reforged as scales for your armor.

Every agony to temper your blade."

He must not give in to his fears/sadness, lest it consume him and turn him into a Blasphemy. The words he recites give him strength, and I think that they speak volumes of truth.

Living is suffering, sometimes. We get hurt, sick, and our hearts get broken. Terrible things happen every day that are outside our control. But it is up to us individually to respond and decide if we will allow ourselves to be consumed by these tragedies, or if we will use them to strengthen us and rise above them.

I know numerous people who have depression relate to this moment, and I’m not discounting their experiences at all. I actually have depression myself, and I fully understand where they are coming from. Sometimes, there is nothing wrong at all in life and everything is going well... and yet, depression wants me to think otherwise. It creeps in like a gray haze, an oppressive, choking fog that wants to stifle the flame of life and extinguish the spirit completely. Very much in the vein of what Matsya is experiencing.

But, I feel like this moment with Matsya, for me, again, was a scenario we all can relate to. The dread of the unknown, when life seems out of our control, and we can begin to feel trapped, like nothing will get better. I think everyone has felt sadness and anxiety to this degree before. And it is stifling... and terrifying. How can we move forward?

It’s in these moments, whether it is caused by our own brains or a world outside of us, that we have to take the power back. We cannot let these scenarios extinguish our flames. We have to keep moving forward, using this experience to sharpen our defenses. Not only that, but we need to come out stronger and with more love than when we started. It ties back to Endwalker’s theme of Hope, Love, and Resilience.

Venat's Walk

"As fractured, imperfect beings, your life is a neverending quest.

A quest to find your purpose, knowing your end is assured.

To find the strength to continue, when all strength has left you.

To find joy, even as darkness descends...

And amidst deepest despair, light everlasting."

While there is a lot that happens during this scene, there is something that struck me and brought back a memory of my grandmother. If you know the scene, maybe that's strange, but hear me out.

The character Venat ultimately acts like a god of sorts to the Warrior of Light (sorry, it's a bit complicated to go into here. I'm hoping if you're reading this, you've played the game). In this scene, she is seen walking through the vastness of space and time and is gradually becoming more covered in this black, tar-like substance, which represents her own pain and suffering. The scene randomly cuts to the Warrior of Light during one of the biggest fights of the last expansion. As if she has actually been walking along with us this whole time.

My brain went to the poem "Footprints in the Sand".

That poem holds a special place in my heart. My grandmother had a framed artwork that displayed the poem. When I was younger, I always thought it was funny because she just had some sandy footprints hanging on her wall.

As I got older, I learned the message of the poem, and it didn’t really resonate with me much until a few years ago. I was going through a hard time in life, mostly because of my own personal choices, and I rediscovered my own spiritual connection with my God. And it really helped me to get in touch with myself and helped me to navigate the trying times I was working through. Sometimes I truly felt alone in these moments, and knowing that I had a God there who was always at my side or carrying me through these things was very profound to me.

It helped me to begin the process of actually liking myself again, which hadn't been something I'd felt since I was probably that little girl, laughing at my grandmother's framed photo.

When we see the scene of Hydaelen walking, that is immediately what I thought of... How she was actually carrying the WoL through, even if it felt like she’d abandoned us. To know that there is a god that cares so deeply for her children that she will take the blows with us is indescribable to me. I get chills even thinking about it right now.

Her words ring true, as well, and really hammer in the point of the story, and how I truly feel about life, too.

You cannot stop suffering, but you can find a way to live through it and should, using it to find meaning.

Urianger and Moenbryda's Parents

This scene! Oh wow, I could say so much about this scene, about Urianger and the relationship with Moenbryda! But, like I said, this is an introspective post, so I'm just going to talk about what kind of feelings it stirred inside of me. I cried, of course. It's a beautiful moment. Urianger is told things he's always desired to hear from someone, I'm sure, but never knew how to convey that. I think that's what impacted me the most. Moenbryda's parents give such gentle and loving words to this man whom they knew as a boy. To hear them say how proud they were of him...

When I first saw this scene, I just felt love for the friends I have had in the past. The long-lost friends, not because of death, but because time drew us apart. I felt as if I were hearing the words I needed to hear, as if I was being given a gentle reassurance that, though time has separated us, we are still rooting for each other. While it is not quite the same grief, there is a certain grief to losing friendship. I can't even remember what my last conversations were with those friends, or half of the things we even talked about. But I can remember how being with them made me feel, and I often find myself wondering where they are and how they are doing, if they have families of their own now, etc. This scene was so healing in that regard, in a small way.

In Conclusion

There is so much more I could write about the way this expansion made me feel, about each individual character's story arc, and my experience overall, but maybe that will wait for another day. Ultimately, this game was very cathartic for me, and it really helped with doing some long-overdue introspection. I am so glad that I was able to be here on this earth to experience it. Lord knows, I certainly tried not to be.

I leave you with one last quote from the game that really speaks volumes to me and has been my mantra for so long now:

“We rise, fall, and rise again!”

If you have made it this far, I just want to extend my deepest gratitude to you. <3 If you want to watch my journey in its entirety, here is the link to my VODs of Endwalker.

And if you want to be a part of my streaming community, you can follow me over on YouTube or Twitch.

Thanks again, all!