Pusillanimous

Pusillanimous. Cookie Monster's least favorite word. Google it. Maybe my least favorite, too. As I was writing a fairly raw piece for another project, my addled brain had a bit of an epiphany. A small one, fading fast. But there it is...

I have friends who are not only dismayed by the pusillanimous behavior of other friends during contentious times, but they are surprised by it. This creates a sadness for me, and obviously does for them, too. But...

Yes, but. There is often a but, nearly always a but when it comes to people.

When you are eternally at the fringe of all things, when you stand at the edge of the world and never amongst it, while lonely, it can afford a vision - an overview, a clarity - of what is occurring. I can look at the same people, see their behaviors towards myriad issues... and know if they are the pusillanimous type. Oh, not perfectly, but pretty often and often thoroughly. I can accept that, even like the person a lot, respect certain things about them... it is not for me to judge, merely for me to assess accurately for my own needs.

But then I have no doubt that many people will fold fast if anything about a situation requires them to risk their comfy acceptance spot. Perhaps they have done brave things in life, but often those brave things were part of a prestige mob, and while the physical risk was real, it was accepted and venerated.

Think about it this way: has that person ever stepped forward and drawn fire from their own side, because this time their side is wrong or doing wrong? Has that person seen another human being wrongfully attacked or disproportionately attacked by their coveted side and took a proper stand? Does that person ever voice an opinion different from their social circle? Not only that, but do they have any original opinions, or do they just rub that blue mud on their bellies publicly while making supportive noises privately? Do they ever write their own original assessments, opinions, or ideas - or do they just copy pasta those of others?

These are a few of the possible earmarks of the pusillanimous type. Oh, they are swell people and good company and make all the right noises... and those may be signs that there is a courage problem there.

Cherish that aberration of a friend, that curmudgeon, that person you can openly disagree with sometimes and who openly disagrees with you from time to time. Embrace the person that thinks for themselves, even if they get a different answer than you. Pay close attention to who is there in the bad times... and if they congratulate themselves for doing so, for if they do, it was no real risk nor effort. Appreciate independence, not group think, not echo chambers. Remember that "niceness" and "getting along" are not virtues if there is no risk.

Look not longingly at the warmth of the huddled sheep in their smug, fluffy comfort and make the mistake that if you are just fluffy enough, they will have your back; they won't. When it comes time to make mutton, they are happy if it is you that goes first. And when you have been sacrificed, they will mumble their condolences... but never will they rise to your side. They will be relieved that they are safe. Natural, normal, pusillanimous.

If I see someone who never takes an open risk to do right that might turn them into a pariah in their own circle, then I am not surprised when they sell me down the river. People have asked how I can be so gracious with such a betrayal... well, it is not really a betrayal if that is exactly what I expected. Oh, it always sucks, but not that deep sadness.

People will say they are being loyal when behaving weakly or allowing ugliness to flourish. Such thoughts are pusillanimous. True loyalty comes hand in hand with duty, and the duty of the honorable is to show their loyalty to higher and more moral friendship, not blind loyalty to that which they are comfortable. To act against your own immediate self interest to stand with and for something better - even alone - is bravery. To stand with the immoral for convenience is not.

It is pusillanimous.

My epiphany is not really new to me, just something buried so deep, so basic that remembering it made it feel new. Thus: a member of the herd who never runs contrary to their herd will seldom stand for anything on its own merit; their identity is not their own, it is merely one adopted for convenience and they acquire it from their herd. I like people like that sometimes, even love a few. But I put no faith in them.

Pusillanimous.

So, independent friends take heart... your loyalty comes from a better place than those who are so easily bought and sold. And it is that much more valuable. You dare to seek more. Fault not yourself for hoping for more from people; it is the their lack, not yours that is at issue.

Cookie Monster has a point. Ponder on it.

But what do I know..? I am not, never have been, nor ever will be part of that fluffy huddle; maybe I just don't understand.