Moments in Battle that Didn’t Go as Planned

There are an infinite amount of examples of moments that don’t exactly go as planned. You spill coffee on your white pants as you’re getting out of the car, you accidentally butt-dial the person you happen to be gossiping about, or you book your vacation for the wrong dates.

Moments like these, while frustrating or embarrassing, won’t necessarily change the course of history. The following examples, however, if they had never happened, could have resulted in a much different world than what we know now.

Typically, when there is a failure on one side, there is a victory on the other. Sometimes, there is no clear winner.

1. In 585 BC, during a battle between the Medians and Lydians, there was a solar eclipse that terrified both sides so much that they forgot what they were fighting about and fled the battlefield.

2. When invading Turks began to tear down the columns of the Parthenon in order to make bullets for a battle against the Greeks, the Greeks actually sent them a supply of bullets, with a note saying “Here are the bullets, don’t touch the columns.”

3. British POW, Edwin Rose, missed the liberation of his camp due to falling asleep on the toilet. After the battle, he awoke to find everyone gone. He then shaved, dressed, and walked out of the camp a free man.

4. “Where the Battle Wasn’t” is the slogan for Gettysburg, South Dakota.

5. During WWII, the rifles of Finnish soldiers would often jerk upward when fired, so they were trained to “fire low”. Their battle cry was eventually changed to “Tulta munille!”, which loosely translates to “Fire at their balls!”

6. During the 14th century, a group of men from Modena stole a bucket from Bologna. The Bolognese actually declared war to get the bucket back. There were 2,000 casualties and it was deemed one of the deadliest wars of the Middle ages. It is known as “The War of the Bucket”, and sadly, they never even got their bucket back.

7. General J Sedgwick was shot in the eye and killed during the Civil War immediately after stating the enemy “couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance”.

8. Woodrow Wilson adopted the slogan “He kept us out of war” when he ran for his second term in office. Within a month of being re-elected and sworn in, he declared war on Germany.

9. During a navy battle between Uruguay and Brazil in 1865, one of the Uruguayan ships ran out of cannons to fire at the enemy and resorted to using stale cheese cannonballs. Yes, stale cheese. And it worked. Brazil was forced to retreat.

10. Henry Paget, a commander at the Battle of Waterloo, had his leg blown off by a cannonball and stated to the Duke of Wellington, “By God sir, I’ve lost my leg!” Wellington replied, “By God sir, so you have!” — Well thank you, Captain Obvious.

11. A German U-boat had a toilet that required a special technician to flush it. When a sailor flushed it himself, it flooded the compartments, and forced the submarine to rise to the surface. It was then promptly torpedoed and sunk. Well, that was shitty…

12. During WWII, Russia attempted to employ dogs strapped with bombs to destroy enemy tanks. However, since the Russians used their own tanks to train the dogs, the dog would run underneath the Russian tanks and blow them up.

13. Theodore Roosevelt’s son, Theodore Jr, was the only General involved in the initial assault on D-Day, insisting that he be one of the first ones off the boats. He survived the battle, but unfortunately succumbed to a heart attack a month later.

14. After his magic failed to protect his warriors during battle, the Comanche shaman White Eagle, was renamed Coyote Vagina. Rude.

15. Always choose your code names wisely. During the Korean War, Marines called for a resupply of ammunition that would be delivered by parachute. Code Name: Tootsie Rolls. However, whoever put the shipment together took the order quite literally. Instead of receiving ammunition, the Marines received a large supply of actual Tootsie Rolls. Upside: these pliable candies could be warmed and formed into a putty, which was used to patch bullet holes in vehicles, hoses, and other equipment.

16. Speaking of names, in 1941 when Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japan, the name of the U.S. Navy command was CINCUS (pronounced ‘sink us’). Also, Hitler’s private train was called “Amerika”, and the soldiers of the U.S. 45th Infantry division wore a Swastika emblem on their shoulder. It didn’t take long for all three to be changed.

17. During WWII, while the USS O’Bannon was patrolling the Pacific Ocean, it was threatened by a Japanese submarine. The ship pulled up to the sub and the crew began bombarding it with potatoes. The Japanese became so distracted with trying to clear the “grenades” from their deck, that it gave the ship time to sail off, open fire, and shrink the sub. Subby spuds Batman!

18. Also during WWII, L. Ron Hubbard (yes, that L. Ron Hubbard) once led a 68 hour battle against two Japanese submarines which he claimed: “definitely sunk, beyond doubt”. An analysis later concluded that there were never any submarines in the area.

19. Bill Millin was known as “The Mad Piper”. He was the only bagpiper to land on the beach during the Battle of Normandy. As soldiers fell, he continued to play throughout the battle. When a group of German snipers was captured, they were asked why they didn’t shoot him. Their response? They didn’t shoot him because they felt bad for him, as they assumed that he had gone insane.

20. As soldiers fought a major Civil War battle, both sides briefly stopped battling to watch a fistfight between two opposing soldiers who had taken cover in the same location.

21. When going into battle, the Rajputs of India would make fake “trunks” to put on their horses. This would make them appear to be baby elephants, so that the enemy’s elephants would not attack.

22. It is written that Shu General, Zhuge Liang, only had 100 soldiers to fend off an army of 150,000. He decided to face the inevitable defeat by throwing open the gates of the town, sitting atop, and playing his lute. The opposing general thought that it must be a trap and fled with his men.

23. In 272 BC, King Pyrrhus of Epirus was killed in battle when an old woman threw a tile at him, which knocked him unconscious and allowed the other soldier to kill him.

24. There are scrolls that suggest that fart battles took place during the Edo period of Japan. Drawings depict men discharging farts at other men, women, and even a cat. Poor kitty cat…

25. German prisoners of war were treated so kindly in Canada that after their release at the end of WWII, they didn’t want to leave. Many of them stayed or moved there later on and made new lives in Canada.

Sources:

www.factinate.com

www.worldwars.com

www.factrepublic.com