Let's Try This Again

I joined Vocal Media recently without officially introducing myself, which I think is kind of rude since I’ve already published one of the greatest posts ever written in the history of ever if I'm being modest.

But I do apologize for my rudeness because once you do get to know me you’ll see that I’m very much down to earth which is a nicer way of saying falling-down drunk, as I’m often described by those who do actually know me, and that’s not true because I’m more of a black-out drunk so there’s no way I’d remember falling down.

Now let’s begin, but don’t worry I come in peace. My real name is Ben which is short for Ice Blerd Ben and also happens to be my Twitter handle and the actual name on my birth certificate. Just kidding. It’s an identity I’m extremely comfortable with because I think being a Black nerd is super chill. Although, I’m more of a slacker Blerd who would never claim to be the smartest person in the room because I’m just too lazy to admit it, even though it’s probably true. But it’s all part of my charm that many women actually find irresistible. The problem is that I personally haven’t found any women who find my charm irresistible.

Besides, I came to the realization a long time ago that being devastatingly handsome is highly overrated and has proven to be a burden that I don’t actually have. But what I do have is a Bachelor’s degree in multimedia journalism from the University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP), graduating cum laude which turns out to be code for accruing insurmountable school loan debt. However, the joke is on them because I’ll be dead long before I pay it off. Although, I really don’t think that can be considered a win.

So why should anyone take the time to read my posts? I mean, I understand that most of what I’ve already written is racially tinged and can be a little too intense for some readers. That there are plenty of other authors on Vocal Media who write about various topics from a Black perspective. And it may seem like I’m out to “blame whitey” or that I hate white people just because I speak candidly about slavery or racism (also known as American History) but that’s simply not true. I don’t hate white people at all. I don’t even hate the white people who hate me.

However, I do hate racism and I will call it out whenever I can instead of going around punching certain white people in the throat. If that makes any sense and if it doesn’t then I don't know what to tell you. After all, I’m only human which I suppose makes me “flawed” in some way or another and that might be true if I had an ounce of self-awareness. But it is definitely true that I can take criticism because I’m used to people being wrong about me.

Still, I try to keep it as real as possible with my readers without oversharing any details about my personal life like the fact that I feel a lot more comfortable and confident when I write wearing nothing but my boxer briefs. Of course, Starbucks’ policy doesn’t support my feelings and I was politely asked to leave with my free Grande Americano which I did and no one even called the police, and I couldn’t help but shed a tear while thinking to myself that some racial progress had been made. Small steps.

But I don’t mind people knowing that I’m vaccinated and I still mask up everywhere I go. I even social distance when I drive which stands to reason because deep down I’m really a misanthrope. I’ve never been a big fan of humankind or politics or jury duty or reality television (mainly the Kardashians) or Ben Affleck as Batman or Great Value chicken nuggets.

So if you ever find yourself in El Paso then most likely you’ve been kidnapped or if you happen to be a Vocal Media member help a brotha out because you won’t regret it…too much.