I Will Be 45 in September

I was born in 1954, so you can do the math.

And how can I be 45 and 2 days later be 43?

I probably just need to soak in a bath.

It does make some sense as you will see.

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My baby almost died in August of 1978, and I decided I was leaving his dad. Then he said, let’s see a counselor. And she said, as long as you want help try this first. When there is an alcohol and drug problem it is like pounding your head against a wall, we won’t get anywhere at all.

She gave us a list of AA meetings, Alanon meetings, and information for a substance abuse assessment. She said there was no use seeing her until the substance abuse problem was taken care of.

I knew who had the problem, and I started to attend Alanon right away. It will be 45 years on September 24, 2023. It does feel like I am closer to 45 than I am to 70.

Then two years later I joined the ranks of the alcoholic/drug addict and started attending another twelve-step program. I joined that program 43 years ago on September 26, 1980.

It has been a great life in recovery! I have had sponsors, and I have sponsored others as service is important as is working a spiritual program. Working the 12 steps has given me and my family so much. Others may have found recovery through religion or the culture and still other ways.

I went to treatment 4 years after I got sober. I had gotten back with my husband after the divorce, and it did not work out. I was depressed after the separation from my children’s father. The program I attended worked with alcoholism and eating disorders.

In treatment, I learned how to hug. The cool thing was it spread throughout my family who weren’t huggers and friends who weren’t huggers.

The other main thing I got there was a list of 100 things to do in recovery. I checked off all but one of those things. In doing that I learned what I enjoy doing and what I don’t like doing. That spread to my children and friends as they learned what they liked to do as well.

My youngest son was a baby when I started in recovery. He still plays hockey, downhill skis, travels, goes to the BWCA, rides a motorcycle, and golfs. All his mother's favorite things.

My daughter and son attended Alatot and Alateen. We broke the alcoholic family rules of do not talk/ask questions, do not trust, and do not feel. I am so happy for them in their life.

I married two different men since their father, who died from his addiction at 45. The second husband lived in recovery when we were together. My current husband and I have been together since 2000. This husband now has 32 years in recovery and works a very solid recovery program. We have a good relationship and are grateful for our recovery.

When it is close to my recovery birthdays, I will usually speak at treatment programs or detox. I believe it is important to stay in touch with why I continue in my recovery program. What is it that I came here for?

You would think after this length of time I could stop attending meetings. I probably could, but why chance it? I have some friends who have more recovery, or around the same length of recovery as I have who no longer attend 12-step meetings.

Some use their church for a spiritual program, fellowship, and service, while others are connected to the Native American culture since 1978 when we got religious freedom back. Ceremony, spirituality, fellowship, and service.

In 1978, I started my recovery journey. I use the 12-step program as a spiritual program of recovery, fellowship, and service and I participate in our spiritual culture ceremony and fellowship.

I am 69 and will turn 70 years old in January 2024. My Alanon birthday is 9/24/78 and my sobriety birthday is 9/26/80. I do feel like I am only 42 sometimes, 44 others, and rarely 69.

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First published by Black Bear publishing on Medium.