Does ADHD Really Make You a Bad Listener?

I have a really good friend who tells me that I’m not a good listener. This plays out in a lot of ways; from little things that have been shared with me, to big things like not being able to execute on plans that we’ve been discussing for months.

The point is-a symptom of ADHD is hyperactivity. This means not all of us remember everything as well as we should, and in that, we can be perceived as not being good listeners by our peers.

My friend and I both have ADHD. I have it more but we both live with it. When you have ADHD, there are barriers to listening despite your best intentions based on your hyperactivity symptoms.

Also, did you know…

Neurodiversity is a spectrum. Another neurologically related disorder, of which ADHD is a comorbid condition, is Tourette Syndrome. I address this on my SimonTics channel, which you can check out if you like this content. I have a really good video on TS which you can check out out here.

Long term memory

Long-term memory is something all of us have trouble with from time to time. But when you're living with ADHD, you may forget things in the present moment that have already been established long in the past.

This is due to the nature of people living with ADHD having low attention spans. This can cause lots of unwanted and unintended issues via miscommunication in any relationship. Some of these issues manifest as you being seen as not a great listener, and by extension may make the other person question how much you care about what they have to say.

But when you live with ADHD it’s important to realize that this is not your fault as a lot of this is related to our low attention spans.. What’s important to consider in these cases is to surround yourself with people who understand the nature of these issues and show compassion and support.

Or perhaps, say you spoke of something to someone in the past and agreed that you had said something only to find out that you can’t recall saying anything like that at all, that’s a long-term memory defect part of ADHD.

Making plans

Another symptom of my listening habits that can be attributed to my ADHD is also making plans.

It’s one thing when you make a plan. It’s another thing to stick to a plan. And with ADHD, it can be very hard to stick to plans, again because of our low attention spans.

But on the other hand, when something doesn’t go according to plan, it can be a great cause of anxiety in people with ADHD and related neurological conditions.

The best method I’ve found to overcome this is to stay grounded and accept only the things you can control. For example, I have discovered that utilizing timer apps and alarms for daily tasks is very useful when managing ADHD symptoms.

A great example is when you're cooking and you're not sure when to turn off the rice or the chicken. I use tools like my Amazon Alexa or Siri on my phone to set timers for these tasks, which can be difficult to time precisely.

Another helpful app I have used in the past is the calendar and reminders app on my phone.

You can also use specialty ADHD-related task management apps. My favorite, by the way, is called Tiimo, but keep in mind that most of these apps require a premium subscription to access their full functionality. So, if you're on a budget like me, don’t feel pressured to invest in them—stick with the basic tools that are already built into your iPhone or other smartphone.

For example what this looks like for me is mindfulness practice, communication with others and jotting down emotions and feelings in a journal.

It’s also important to know what parts of the plan did go wrong versus what didn’t, so you know what you can control for next time and try to anticipate things you can’t so you can find workarounds for next time.

The point I’m trying to make is that just because people living with ADHD have trouble with attentiveness due to hyperactivity in the brain, doesn’t mean we aren’t good listeners. It just means we need to take more initiative and pay more mind to listen when we need to do so.

This is all I’m going to cover for today, as there’s a lot to process here. However there’s so many more undiscussed little nuances about not being a good listener that I haven’t covered here, and there’s more undiscussed symptoms of ADHD that can actually cause problems in relationships and in life - one of those is impulsivity. Stay tuned.