13 Unwritten rules for crashing…

29JUN2024; 1833, SAT– Baltimore, MD, USA

Part One. Out of two; at least.

Blessings; favor; and much Love to you, the reader; first and foremost. Second, there’ll be a bonus rule, for a total of 14; so stay tuned, please and thank you.

Thirdly, and maybe this seems obtuse of me; so I beg your pardon: Though, there’s a world of difference between “crashing”, and “crashing out.”

Do not; I say again, simply don’t ask your Homeskillet if you can crash out on him and/or his couch. “Them there is fighting words where I’m from!” (Haha.)

Seriously though, imagine the latter one being akin to the infamous Rick James (Rest In Power) skit by Dave Chappelle; featuring the similarly late, great Charlie Murphy (RIP); as well as Mr. Eddie “Raw” Murphy’s beloved/unfortunate living room staple (“[expletive] your couch, [ibid]!” The former is one in the same as asking if there’s any room for a quick “nappy nap.”

In short: Crashing– Good. Crashing out– Bad, bad, not good; and I’m not referring to the dynamic Hip Hop duo!

Last couple of housekeeping note, if you’ll pardon the pun: 1.) This brief list is far from exhaustive. And, 2.) These rules apply whether you are visiting for an hour; a weekend; or even just rooming, in a house owned by a Homeslice who used to shoot dice.

“Do what you will with that [and this] information.” Without further ado; and here’s to you, the reader—

1.) Don’t. Just don’t do it (unless [maybe] it’s offered preemptively); especially if there’s any doubt, hesitation, and/or uneasiness about asking if it’s “kosher.”

I say this facetiously; though with some sincerity simultaneously. One of my favorite lines from the based on a true story AppleTv series, Black Bird: “If there’s any doubt; then there’s no doubt.”

Take what you want from that adage. It’s worth reading; rereading; and marinating on.

2.) Speaking of marinades: Do NOT, under any circumstances cook the host’s food that you didn’t put up/in for; especially not in front said hosting party. Most especially when you have no intention of sharing the aforementioned grub.

This is hands down a “black-eye offense.” Not to say that you’ll literally catch a (guaranteed) black eye.

Rather, you may/may not have a permanent loss of “cool points”; to varying degrees. Conversely, it’s almost as if you’re just attempting to tip scales; and/or force pendulums into full swing.

3.) Saturday mornings are for oldies but goodies; as well as good ol’ fashioned deep cleaning of the “humble abode.” I’m not talking early 2000’s or even 90s. “Nah, girl; I’m taking it way back!”

If we’re just being honest though, “Some of you have never purified yourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka; and it shows” (Rest In Power to “The” Prince of Purple Rain). That is to say, we get down with the get down with some James Brown; Etta James; and/or Jimi Hendrix.

4.) One of the best colloquialisms of all time (IMHO) is, “Stay ready; so you don’t have to get ready.” In this particular instance, the proverb is in relation to the potential for an “opp” to pull up, looking for “all the smoke.”

If such were to take place, the guest(s) would more or less be obligated to become instant Under Armor fan. Even to the point of yelling the very same company’s famous callback; being none other than: “We must protect this house!”

It must be yelled with their commercials’ actors’ very own passion; self-determination; as well as unquestionable conviction. “Because, remember kids: Everyone knows that [Loyalty is a vice].”

*** Continuation at another day and time ***

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Peace; blessings; and much Love, even. *Salute*.

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