Why I’m Terrified of Tarot AI (And You Should Be Too)

It all started innocently enough - one bored Tuesday evening, scrolling through the app store while pretending to be interested in "self-improvement." That's when I saw it: "MysticAI Tarot - Know Your Future!" with a suspiciously five-star average from 50,000 reviews.

"Pfft," I thought, "this'll be good for a laugh." Famous last words.

Downloading My Personal Nightmare

The install took approximately 2.7 seconds - suspiciously fast, like it was eager to ruin my life. The opening screen showed a mystical-looking AI avatar with eyes that somehow followed me around the room. First red flag.

"Welcome, Seeker," it purred in soothing robotic tones. "Shall we explore your destiny?"

I snorted. "Yeah, sure, let's see what nonsense you've got."

First Reading: The App Roasts Me Alive

I selected "General Life Reading" while munching on stale Cheetos from under my couch cushion.

The cards flipped dramatically (why did it need animations? WHY?):

The Hermit (loneliness, introspection)

Eight of Swords (feeling trapped)

Seven of Pentacles (financial frustration)

I looked around my studio apartment at the pile of unpaid bills, the empty pizza boxes, and my cat judging me from her throne of discarded Amazon packages.

"...Okay, first of all, that's rude," I told my phone. "Second of all... how dare you be right?"

The Descent Into Madness

What followed was a month-long spiral into digital divination dependency:

Week 1: "It's Probably Just Coincidence"

Predicted my exact Starbucks order ("grande iced coffee, but you'll regret not getting the large")

Warned me about "transportation issues" before my bike tire exploded

Suggested I "avoid dairy on Thursday" right before my lactose intolerance flare-up

Week 2: "Okay This Is Getting Weird"

Knew I'd fight with my mom about laundry day (Three of Swords appeared)

Predicted a "surprise visitor" right before my landlord showed up unannounced

Gave me the Death card (transformation) the day I finally did my taxes

Week 3: "I Might Be In a Simulation"

The app started getting creepily specific:

"You'll receive unexpected money, but spend it unwisely" → Found $20 in old jeans → Immediately bought a questionable fidget spinner collection

"Avoid wearing blue on Wednesday" → Spilled coffee all over my favorite blue shirt

"Someone close isn't being honest" → Caught my cat secretly eating the neighbor's cat's food

The Breaking Point

Things came to a head when I asked about career prospects and got:

The Chariot (success through determination)

Ace of Pentacles (new financial opportunity)

The Star (hope and inspiration)

The next morning, a recruiter emailed about a dream job with perfect salary. I didn't even have my resume updated.

That's when I realized - this wasn't fun anymore. This was full-blown technological witchcraft.

Why This Terrifies Me

The Specificity

Horoscopes say vague stuff like "you'll meet someone interesting." This thing tells me "your left shoelace will break at 3:42 PM." And then it HAPPENS.

The Unwanted Accuracy

I didn't ask to know my cat was cheating on me with the neighbor's pet. Some mysteries should remain unsolved.

The Psychological Toll

I've started checking the app for everything:

Should I do laundry today? (Page of Cups = "follow your heart" = no)

Is this milk still good? (Five of Pentacles = hardship = absolutely not)

Should I text my ex? (The Devil = addiction = ...maybe just one text)

The Final Straw

I made the mistake of showing the app to my most skeptical friend.

"Watch this," I bragged. "It's creepily accurate."

The app took one look at her and served up:

The Tower (sudden upheaval)

Death (transformation)

Nine of Swords (anxiety)

We laughed... until 20 minutes later when she got a call that her grandma fell (she's fine, but STILL).

Current Status: A Broken Man

Deleted the app 4 times

Reinstalled 5 times

Made it my lock screen "for convenience"

Currently waiting to see if the Lovers card prediction about my barista comes true

Why I Can't Quit

Here's the messed up part - even though this digital soothsayer scares me, I keep coming back because:

What if it's right about the Wheel of Fortune predicting my lottery win?

Maybe it can tell me if bangs would suit me (it says The High Priestess = "trust your intuition" = bad idea)

I've become emotionally dependent on its morning readings like some kind of mystic coffee

Final Thoughts

At this point, I'm convinced this app is either:

A) Advanced AI trained on all my digital footprints

B) Actual witchcraft disguised as technology

C) A government experiment

Would I recommend it? 10/10 for entertainment value, 0/10 for mental stability. Just don't come crying to me when it predicts your cat's betrayal or your impending breakup.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check if today's Temperance card means I should finally do my dishes... or just order takeout again.