The Empty Cage

I am old now. My greatest failure is this empty cage that has sat in my living room all this time. My hubris was strong back then and I was confident we would grow old together. It is a beautiful cage, custom-made, the rods intertwined with delicate filigree, large and spacious with enough baubles and compartments to have kept him entertained. This is the life that I envisioned for us the first time I saw the moonlight reflected off his ink black wings. He would've been content here. My one of a kind barn Owl that would bring me joy while sitting in my rocking chair even as my end grew near. None of this came to be. I have been deprived of my happy ending.

I celebrated my thirty-sixth birthday with a week-long vacation at a log cabin in Wyoming. This was an attempt from my flavor of the week at the time to reignite a long extinguished flame. His name was Eugene and he was pleasant enough. The cabin was charming with a lake that had the most transparent water I had ever seen. It was a free trip to a gorgeous place with company that I didn't mind for my birthday and so I enthusiastically agreed to go.

On the first night I mumbled something about needing to meditate and made way to the lake. My intent was to hike the tree-lined trail, enjoy the moonlight on my skin while music from Ashley Duboise satisfied my soul and replenished my mind. It couldn't have been longer than twenty minutes when I heard his screech. It was like nothing I had ever heard, and I should have been terrified but I found myself searching for the source. After looking around for a bit, I saw him. He was astonishing, bigger and stronger than any owl I had ever seen before. His wings were so black the moonlight reflected off of them. His face was plump and flawless. His intelligent eyes practically seemed to glow as he carefully examined me. We stood five feet apart. He cocked his head almost seemed to smile at me. Then he spread his wings and took off across the lake. I fell to my knees and almost involuntarily whispered the name I knew in my heart to be his "Aloysius."

From that moment I had to possess him. For the next three days, I walked that trail night and day hoping to catch sight of him again. This time I was prepared with a net. Aloysius and I would be together this was all I could think about. Eugene grew restless he couldn't understand my sudden obsession with this "stupid bird." I will admit until I met Aloysius I had no interest in animals, but I had done my research Aloysius was rare. In fact he was one in a million and no matter how much Eugene complained or how much sense I knew he was making Aloysius was my fate. He had chosen me. I would have him. On the night before I was to turn thirty-six Eugene unveiled a cage for Aloysius. It is the one that stands in my living room today and it was glorious even back then. "This will be my last present to you." He said as he gathered his things to walk out. "You have never cherished me in the way you love this bird and I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I'm done trying." With that he left. I did experience a twinge of guilt, but I was free to hunt for Aloysius without distraction. I decided to apologize when I got back after my birthday and moved forward with my plan to capture Aloysius.

The next day I set out with my binoculars and net. This was my birthday present to me and I would not be deterred. Tonight I would eat a feast with Aloysius by my side. I waited for ten hours watching the sky hoping for a glimpse. Just as the sun began to set, I heard him. The sound had come from a stone castle that sat on the other side of the lake. I had the inkling that this was where his nest was, but I had avoided entering the castle because it looked abandoned and unstable. However tonight was MY birthday and Aloysius was my birthright.

I ran to the castle with all of skipping and laughing. I never felt as delighted as I did in that moment. I just knew that night he would be mine. I entered the castle carefully. I could hear him cooing and so I followed the sounds to one of the turrets stepping over beams and stones. There he was strong and beautiful, again we were five feet away from each other and I whispered the name I knew to be his "Aloysius" He inclined his head to the side seemed to look confused and he responded "Who?"

I took a step back. Here is where I started to question my sanity "did you just respond to me?" He spread his wings but instead of taking off like I expected. He began to change. Feathers to skin smooth and perfect like obsidian, beak to lips thick and full. His eyes turned human with a spark that seemed to glow in the fresh moonlight. He was stronger and more beautiful than any man I had seen until now. My one in a million was actually one of a kind. I dropped to my knees and muttered the name I recognized to be his one more time. "Aloysius" He wrinkled his brow inclined his head to the side again. This time he seemed to smile at me and responded."Who is that?" Shocked he spoke I responded quickly and far to honestly. "You are," I said I wanted to plead my case to this vision before me before it disappeard. "You are my birthright Aloysius, come with me willingly and live by my side. I have a beautiful cage for you. I will protect you, feed you and care for you and we can grow old together" His smile turned cruel as I fingered my net. He scrutinized me for a moment when he spoke it was a measured response "My name is Adam. I am older than human kind I was not born for a random child of man. I will not be possessed by you and will never live in a cage. Forget your crush, girl and pursue one who can love you back." My mind instantly rejected this response. He was not Adam he was Aloysius and he was mine. With this thought I stood to my feet. I was not a child and Aloysius would be mine. I began to narrow the gap between us although he looked more capable than me he was just a bird and I would have him in my net tonight. He saw my intent although he showed no fear in his expression for the first time he was no longer smiling. "How arrogant humanity is, If you can capture me girl I will live in your cage, waste your time if that is what pleases you" With this Aloysius transformed back into the owl I loved and flew out the nearest window. I threw my net but If I'm honest I never got close to catching him.

I bought the cabin and the castle the next day using some money I had saved over the years but I have not seen him again. I have heard him from time to time by the time. However, by the time I find the source of the sound, he has already gone. I think he stays in this area to torment me.

Forty years of my life spent hunting Aloysius and never getting as close as I did that night. You may think me a mad woman for this, but my obsession is his doing. Did not he call me that night to meet him on the trail? In the castle did my love not transform him so that he could communicate with me? Had I known he would have been successful at evading me for this long I would've shot him out of the sky and had him stuffed at least then he would be mine.

I will never call him Adam. My possessions do not have a choice in what they are named.

I am seventy-six now. Later in life I found out that Eugene was going to propose to me that week. I'll admit I was mistaken for treating him so callously but I don't regret missing that proposal he was accurate. I did not love him and could never love him in the way that I loved Aloysius. He is married now. He had kids and grandkids and calls me from time to time to check on the crazy woman he left on the lake in Wyoming.

I have only told Eugene about Aloysius transforming in front of me. He thinks I'm Insane and after all of this time I'm starting to think I'm Insane.

I hate this empty cage that reminds me of my failure. I hate Eugene for buying it and hate Aloysius for not occupying it.

This empty cage is my largest regret.