The Commander

“12 years. 12 years I have served as a rocketeer space cadet of the interstellar commission. The mission I chose to accept as I took my first steps in this field granted me the excitement of exploring the ever expanding expanse of this section of space that man has never been able to conquer therefore never corrupt. I have watched the sun come up and then set from the surface of the luminous moon. I have seen the beautiful earth do the same from that surface too. And believe you me, an earthrise is a surprise I never surmised that my eyes were deprived of until I had seen it. Such scenic teases of pieces of the Milky Way forever ingrained in the forefront of my brain. Memories that could never fade or be taken away stay hidden and safe from such threats as Alzheimer’s or amnesia. Even after a blow to the back of the dome that leaves me on my knees, you will still never see me forget the marvelous view of the moons of our neighboring planets as they move into my line of sight. I’ve seen rain fall upwards from the bottom of planets as gravity pulls the storm towards its center. I’ve watched lightning splinter and glow through the breaks in the clouds that the atmosphere holds in place somehow. But now in this moment as I realize that my line has been untied or untethered and I’ve been condemned to drift on forever, these scenes are becoming more jarring and cold, marring the memories I hold as the galaxy folds and I’m swallowed up in the crease. Please. Please, just speak to me during these, my last moments before I finally release my spirit to the darkness and unnatural peace found in the endless amounts of lightless, lifeless, nothing.”

And for a moment there is silence before a somber voice croaks through from the station to answer the astronauts pitiful plea.

“Commander,” it cries, “with tears in our eyes we search for a way to thank you for your service to this station, to this nation, and to the advancement of knowledge and science that will uphold and protect our race for generations to come. We hope that you know that your service will never be forgotten and your name will live on as long as the human tongue has the ability to form words and to speak. But, regrettably, we will not be able to refasten your cable and pull you back in. And this is a question I never wanted to find myself asking; but do you have a message or final words you would like us to relay to family or friends?”

Again there is a pause. This one so long that the crew in the station check to make sure that the radio is still on and within range and when they find that it is, they call out again.

“Commander?”

And a barely audible sniffle replaces the crew members' angst with anguish as the commander responds through a sob.

“Sorry. I turned my radio off for a second in a feeble attempt to lessen the amount of time you would be subject to the sound of my cries. But the answer to your question is no. No, I have no message or last words for anyone back home.”

Wide-eyed, crew mates and staff alike reel back in surprise to the answer that’s given.

“But commander, surely there is someone you want to say something to.”

And despite the harrowing situation and buckling grief that had already seized the commander adrift, all hearts were awarded a fleeting relief when they heard the chuckling rip through the radio waves and heard their commander say.

“This commission of mine is nearly 12 years old. And I learned a long time ago to let the way that I live my life say the things that matter most. Because actions truly do speak louder than words and I can only hope that by speaking through verbs those I value most will already know of their worth. I hope that my loved ones on Earth will have no doubt in their minds that no matter how many lightyears apart our hearts could ever drift, no rift, rip, or tear in the fabric of time and space, no amount of distance could ever displace or compare to the undying love that I share with those I am lucky enough to consider myself close to. I hope they know that my final moments weren’t used to send back goodbye’s but rather to celebrate life and the good fortune that was so readily mine to have known them. To have grown so incredibly close to a number of hearts made of gold that although I will never again be able to hold them in the tightest embrace, or leave the soft touch of my kiss on their face, they will be able to say that they knew that I loved them more than any words I could ever attempt to say then hastily replace with another mediocre or cliche phrase. I can float out in space until the end of my days if in fact all that becomes of me is that simple memory. If my only legacy forever remains the way that I treated people in my day to day interactions then my satisfaction with my life is whole and complete and I’m ready to ease into my eternal repose.”

The silence that follows is the longest one yet. And each second swallows more of the little time left to converse. Until this response from the vessel is heard when it’s issued.

“Commander, those you love in your life will definitely miss you. And we will have to face the tears of your spouse and the grief of your household. So if I may be so bold as to ask you to give me something I can say. Although nothing but time could ever erase this impending amount of pain and there isn’t a way to avoid the void that your loss will create and they will have to find the strength to sustain themselves for decades to come, and of course this won’t change the way they already see you, but please you can spare a few words to help ease them their grieving. You’re leaving forever and will never again get the chance to serve them with your hands. So, commander, I ask that this time you choose to use your words instead. Go ahead, we’re recording.”

With the radio off the commander lets out a sigh and begins to cry as the green light on the radio clicks on again.

“Before anything else I need my people to know it’s okay to let go. To those in the station please find the strength not to lengthen my plight. Cut the supply to my oxygen tank before I drift too far into space. Don’t be afraid to release me and relieve me the unease that is gripping my soul. Console me with the promise that when the time is right you will free me from the bindings of this mortal life. You will not allow that my final days be filled with the displeasure of waiting to die but rather lead me into the light. That you’ll stay by my side until I’m ready to go. Now to those who are listening at home, please know that I love you. And if not for the simple fact that I’m being taken from you against every ounce of will that I can muster or manage, I would find a way to use the pull of the planets to circle around and cannon myself back down to the ground unscathed and undamaged just to see you again. But I can’t. I can only hope that the love that I showed you will outlast your lifetime. That you will find a plethora of ways to be happy without me. I hope that when I cross your mind you can smile, not cry, as you think back on all of the time we had to make beautiful memories. I hope one day it will all be okay and there will no longer be pain or sorrow attached to my name. I hope your every tomorrow is better than every today. I hope you can imagine the heavens as you sit in the rain and look up into the breaks of the clouds and see me smiling down. Never allow that the thunder be frightening; it is the sound of my feet as I race with the lightning. I hope that you watch the sun rise and set and the dazzling duet of the beautiful sky mixed with the knowledge that I’m always close by will be a blanket of comfort that can help you to get through your every endeavor. I hope that you know that this moment could never be considered goodbye because you loved me enough to make your heart my home so wherever you go I’ll be with you through every step. Don’t you ever forget. I have no regrets of the life that I’ve lived. You’ve given me every reason to smile through whatever, and I’ve tried to repeat that for you to the best of my measure, so this goes without saying but I’ll love you forever.”

The customary silence befalls the spacecraft again as no voice can be found that’s devoid of a sob. And as the commander floats to the edge of the reach of the radio waves the need to speak out becomes more and more plain. But what does one say to a final goodbye such as this? And as if reading their minds the commander chimes in one last time.

“Don’t worry about responding from here. I would prefer it, I think, to be left with my thoughts. So, I’m going to turn my radio off. But if you remember one thing from my final words, I hope that you take it upon yourself to learn that this life is filled with twists, turns, and divots, spirals, and pivots, but you only get one, so make sure you live it so that when it’s done you can look back, smile, relax, and float on.”

And with that the radio moved out of range. Everything that was needed was already said. A quiet, calmness, and warmth permeated the space as the sun peeked around a distant celestial body of amber displaying the light of the glorious stars in such a marvelous manner as if unfurling a banner to welcome the commander and shield from the cold. A sight to behold. And a fitting welcome home to the glory that awaits that beautiful soul.