Tesco: AI and customer service

Please do not read this article. It is not very interesting. It is just the verbatim script of a conversation I had with UK store Tesco's AI chatbot customer service can'thelpline. I have reproduced it verbatim here just for the record. I will send the URL to Tesco Press reps just for fun.

The issue was with a store in Elmers End Beckenham, but I image that a complaint in respect of any other store would produce the same response. Fact is Tesco stores, like pretty much every other retail outlet in the occidental world, has outsourced its customer service some some poxy AI chatbot, courtesy of the IT Crowd. Sorry but this is the future folks. AI is not going to destroy humanity by making it irrelevant, it is just going to make us despair of our own lives until we all decide to give up.

All text generated by Tesco Customer Service AI bollocks bot unless otherwise indicated, ie by text in quote format.

[20:56, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Hello, I need help with my order

[20:56, 31/01/2026] Tesco: I'm Little Helper 🤖, Tesco's virtual assistant.

Remember not to share any passwords or financial details in this chat

[20:56, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Hello, I understand you need help with your online order. How can we help with your Online Shopping? Reply with a number to let us know.

1. Request a refund

2. Cancel an order

3. Rebook an order

4. Check refund status

5. Track my order

6. Other

7. Go to main menu

[20:56, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Could you contact me with a human please.

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Sorry, I couldn't understand you. Please reply with a number:

1. Online shopping

2. Clubcard

3. Update my Account

4. In-store shopping

5. Something else

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Der.... human operator human operator

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Thanks. Now let's start by finding your nearest store. What's your postcode or area name please?

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: XXX [deleted for data protection purposes]

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Okay, I've found the following stores. Please reply with a number.

1. Beckenham Express, (410-412 Croydon Road)

0.19 miles, Open today until 11:00 PM

2. Chinese Garage Express, (Stone Park Ave)

0.61 miles, Open today until 11:00 PM

3. HIGH ST PENGE EXPRESS, (204-212 High St)

0.91 miles, Open today until 11:00 PM

4. Beckenham Elmers End Superstore, (Croydon Rd)

1.02 miles, Open today until Midnight

5. LDN PENGE HIGH ST EXP, (Penge High Street Express)

1.34 miles, Open today until 11:00 PM

6. View more stores

7. Change Location

8. Main menu

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: 4.

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Thanks. Here are the opening times for Beckenham Elmers End Superstore:

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Today: 06:00 AM - Midnight

Tomorrow: 10:00 AM - 04:00 PM

Mon 02 Feb: 06:00 AM - Midnight

Tue 03 Feb: 06:00 AM - Midnight

Wed 04 Feb: 06:00 AM - Midnight

Thu 05 Feb: 06:00 AM - Midnight

Fri 06 Feb: 06:00 AM - Midnight

[20:57, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Is there anything else I can help you with today? Please reply with a number.

1. No, that's all

2. Change store

3. Selected store menu

4. Main menu

5. Talk to a person

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: I don't want the opening times I want to complain about a rubbish product I just bought

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Thanks. First, where did you buy the product you want to give us feedback about? Please reply with a number.

1. In store

2. Online

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: In store

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Okay, I can connect you with an agent to help you with your in-store shopping query.

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Tesco: So they can help you quicker, I need a few bits of information. Firstly, what is your full name?

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Ray

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Thanks. What is the first line of your address plus postcode?

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor:XXX [deleted for data protection purposes]

[20:58, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Great. Finally, please tell me what you need in a few words.

[20:59, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Complain about asparagus

[20:59, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Thanks, now I can connect you to an agent.

Do you want me to go ahead?

Please reply with a number

1. Yes

2. Main Menu

[20:59, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: 1

[20:59, 31/01/2026] Tesco: OK, we're passing your request to an agent. The estimated wait time is 2 hours, but we should reply sooner. Thanks for your patience.

[21:08, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Sure, there is no hurry. Here is my issue. Please respond at your convenience. This evening I went to Tesco Elmers End superstore. I like this store. I go there often. I like it so much I have even, in the past, sent a message to the then Chairman, Terry Leahy, Praising the staff. management and store. I trust Tesco to provide quality products at reasonable prices. My wife prefers stores like Sainsbury and Waitrose but I think there is better quality, choice and prices at Tesco. I don't suppose loyalty counts for much these days as it is all online promotions and BOGOF offers and other such. Anyways, I went to Tesco to by a chicken for Sunday roast for my family and, because I am a vegetarian and don't eat chicken, also bought some mushrooms and asparagus to…

[21:09, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: **

[21:11, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Please let me know how you intend to deal with this issue. If it takes two hours I may not be up at 23:30 so please leave a message and I will respond in due course. Thank you for your assistance. If you are an AI chatbot, please pass this enquiry to a human operator. Thank you

[21:18, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: You have all the information you need. Please resolve this issue without further ado. I have already spent 20 mins providing this information. I will not want to spend any more. Thanks

[21:25, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Hi Ray,

Thanks for getting in touch with us today.

I'm sorry to see that your asparagus is in such poor condition. I can understand how frustrating this must be. I would like to get this reported. Would you be able to confirm the full name on the Clubcard account for data protection?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks,

Liam - Customer Care

[21:26, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Thanks for your helpful response Liam. Why do you need the clubcard account details? It makes no difference to the customer service and product quality issue

[21:38, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Hi Ray,

Thanks for getting back to me.

I have asked for this information so that I can pass data protection with yourself to access the receipt on our system to ensure we can report this correctly for you. We can bring the receipt up using the 16 digits and letters underneath the barcode of the receipt.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks,

Liam - Customer Care

[21:47, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Thanks Liam. You have the receipt, product shot and barcode. I will leave it with you to process. You have my permission under the Data Protection Act to pass on these details as required to resolve the issue. I will look forward to hearing from you.

[22:08, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Hi Ray,

Thanks for getting back to me.

I have raised this as a product quality complaint to the store management team and to the supplier to make them aware of the poor condition of the asparagus and so that they can look into this further at their side, taking any necessary action to prevent this from happening in future.

I would also like to get this refunded for you in the form of a digital money card to your email address. Would I be able to confirm the best email to send this to?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks,

Liam - Customer Care

[22:14, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: my email address is XXX [deleted for data protection purposes]and happy for you to pass this to the store management. I feel sure that they will be embarrassed at this issue and want to resolve it. I will be pleased to know what action they plan to take to ensure such product quality issues are prevented in future. Sure they can send me a voucher or something to compensate for the cost of the product and my time and effort in helping them to resolve but to be frank I really don't care about the £2.50 or whatever it was. i want to be convinced steps are in place to improve quality. Please convey my 100% satisfaction with staff help at Elmers End

[22:15, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Thanks, best wishes and goodnight

[22:25, 31/01/2026] Tesco: Hi Ray,

Thanks for confirming your email address.

I have sent you a digital money card to your email address, along with an extra £5 as an apology for what has happened. This can take 15 - 30 minutes to arrive and you can use this in any of our stores. I have also passed back your satisfaction from the service from our colleagues at the Elmers End store.

You’ll shortly receive a survey. Every interaction matters to us, so I'd appreciate any feedback you can share about the service I gave. It will really help me continue to improve.

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Liam - Customer Care

[22:26, 31/01/2026] Tesco: https://survey2.medallia.eu/?XXX [deleted for data protection purposes]

[22:38, 31/01/2026] Ray Taylor: Thanks Liam, I appreciate that but what concerns me most is the quality standard at this store, a particular favourite of mine. I did say I would like to know what action will be taken to prevent this happening again. At the very least I expect this product line to be checked out. I will pop into the store tomorrow and take a look at other such products and, if they have not been withdrawn, will take appropriate media actions.

ThanksI'm Little Helper 🤖, Tesco's virtual assistant.

Remember not to share any passwords or financial details in this chat

Hello, I understand your concerns about the quality standards at the store, especially as it’s a favourite of yours. I can connect you with a Colleague to help with your in-store feedback. To do that, I’ll need a few details. Could you let me know your full name?

Oh, seems we are back to AI chatbot nonsense. I will respond accordingly

Thanks. What is the first line of your address plus postcode?

I am a dalek I am a dalek

Great. Finally, please tell me what you need in a few words.

Der... read the previous corresopndence. Or ask Liam, your friendly chatbot human... ish AI

Thanks, now I can connect you to an agent.

Do you want me to go ahead?

Please reply with a number

1. Yes

2. Main Menu

2

1

77

Please reply with a number.

1. Online shopping

2. Clubcard

3. Update my Account

4. In-store shopping

5. Something else

How can I help you with your Online Shopping?

Please reply with a number.

1. Request a refund

2. Cancel an order

3. Rebook an order

4. Check refund status

5. Track my order

6. Other

7. Go to main menu

Please reply with a number.

1. Online shopping

2. Clubcard

3. Update my Account

4. In-store shopping

5. Something else

Author note

I have sent a link to this article to Tesco's press office with an offer to post any response they have. I will post whatever I receive and, until such time, the request is pending. Draw your own conclusions. As I said in the above conversation, my interest is not in the substandard product so much as the customer service and quality control implications. If you choose to abdicate your customer service approach to 'AI', Tesco, this is what happens.