Lifeline— a poverty relief program for struggling families!

Attention citizens! Announcing the United Corporations Poverty Relief Program: LifeLine.

People are claiming times are hard.

People are claiming food costs are rising, and that housing is tough to afford and that wages are not keeping pace! People are claiming we’re in the midst of a desperate recession— but where is the proof?

This is all sensationalism. This is all fake news! This is all socialist propaganda-- from old fashioned people who want YOU to spend your hard earned money on people who refuse to lift a finger for their own betterment....

Here's the facts:

Our GDP is higher than it has ever been! UniCO is dominating the global market and leaving previous first world countries in the dust!

Each and every industrial sector is reporting record profits!

Did you know:

Every single measure published by the United Corporations Media Group conveys a stunning revelation: our people are reporting greater levels of happiness and general life satisfaction than ever before!

Truly we are living in a golden age of productivity! People with good, strong work ethics are free to enjoy the well-earned luxuries that naturally flow from their drive and focus!

The average quality of life even two decades ago was utterly dismal by comparison.

This is a testament to how far we’ve come as a people!

Do you remember when the whole world was brought to its knees by The Great Plague?

A mere two decades ago, we suffered such tremendous loss of life and capital, that humanity’s future seemed uncertain!

And the media within the old United States became hyper-saturated with pessimism and negativity. Our experts and our analysts began to sound like doomsayers!

They predicted our downfall. Nonsense! But they blathered with such blind confidence that many people began to believe and to despair.

Yet...

Here we are!

Dire circumstances could not and shall not defeat us!

Then as now, the strength of our society is impossible to deny! This strength comes from our innovation— and our innovation comes from a free and fair market!

When our society was on the brink of collapse, our brave leaders carved a path through the jungles of despair and desolation! While many business failed during the pandemic, our most powerful and efficient corporations found a way to turn a profit!

And when so many of our politicians fell to petty squabbling and party lines, our bravest and our brightest joined together around the bottom line!

And now that life has gotten so comfortable, it's easy for us to forget how all those years ago, the Trump administration of 2028 fought so hard for our freedoms! His cabinet paved the way for truly unprecedented growth and success.

But how did Trump's third cabinet get us here?

They formed the brilliant, revolutionary, Department of Government Efficiency and managed to cut so much corruption and waste out of our old government! They gutted the EPA, the NLRB, OSHA, the FTC, the FDA, and so many other pointless regulatory agencies!

And almost overnight, it was like our corporations could finally breath and function the way they were supposed to-- without interference!

Then they consolidated the judicial, legislative, and executive powers, under one supremely capable governing board! In so doing they eliminated redundancy— but more importantly they eliminated bureaucracy! They cut away all the regulatory red tape that had been standing in the way of progress for so many decades!

Thank God DOGE kicked down the doors and ushered us into the prosperity of the modern age!

Now we're living in a system that can only be described as a functional utopia-- the system of radically liberated Free Market Capitalism!

And today, we may finally sing-- in the immortal words of 2oth century folk hero and capitalist thinker, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: "Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last!"

Yes, we and our markets are free at last.

Our corporations are thriving, to the benefit of employees and shareholders alike!

Are there still people who wallow in poverty?

Sadly, yes.

Not every soul has the good old fashioned work ethic to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Some lazy individuals just don't want to work!

People who are poor today are only ever poor by their own foolishness. By their own idleness. By their own choices.

Still, our generous corporate leaders look on the destitute with compassion. The Capitalist Tenets prohibit any free handouts. But still, our leaders wish to help the poor help themselves, by offering an opportunity to participate in free and fair exchange!

That is why our beloved United Corporations Governing Body has rolled out an exciting new opportunity! The LifeLine Poverty Relief program, spearheaded by the UniCO Board of Labor and Commerce!

Yes, for some, times are hard, but UniCO has announced a program which can help lift the destitute out of their own error.

The LifeLine assistance program offers a generous trade package:

If you and your family are struggling financially, if you have too many mouths to feed- simply dial the United Corporations Laborers' Hotline and ask about LifeLine!

It’s quite simple: if you are a parent or guardian to at least one child, and need help providing for their basic needs, our compassionate corporate leaders are happy to help! Simply sign those children over to be wards of the Corporate State! (Some eligibility restrictions do apply.*)

In fact, UniCO is so committed to offering this help, that they've rolled out a referral program. Even if this announcement does not apply to you directly, you can still benefit! If your friends or family are struggling, you can help them turn things around!

If someone you care about is unable to feed their own children, send that person's name into the UniCO Recruitment Offices! We'll handle everything from there-- we'll share the details of the program with that parent directly, by way of targeted ads on their social media apps! Then, if that person enrolls any child in the LifeLine program, you'll receive a payment of 500 dollars, to spend on whatever you want!

And that will be nothing compared to the satisfaction you'll feel knowing that you've helped save a child from poverty.

How does the program work?

At its heart, this is a beautiful, generous labor program. When somebody signs a child over to the care of the United Corporations, they will undergo a brief, painless aptitude assessment and then be assigned to a labor division within an appropriate corporate productivity sector. That child will be working directly for the producers of our great society, and living the very Tenets of Capitalism!

The corporation will assume complete responsibility for the child, and parents can rest easy knowing their child's needs will be met. Children will have safe shelter within our state-of-the-art labor compounds. Children will have a healthy diet, complete with all the nutritional needs of a growing body. Children will have vocational training. They will have safety and the wonderful feeling of accomplishment that comes from contributing to the success of the United Corporations and all its people!

Remember, anything that benefits our corporations benefits all of us! When the economy flourishes, we all do! For a rising tide lifts all boats.

So if you or someone you know is responsible for a child who's stuck in poverty, what are you waiting for?

Let our corporate family adopt these precious little ones— this isn’t just an opportunity for windfall it’s an investment in all of our futures.

Struggling parents, unload your burdens, and send your children to a better, fuller life with LifeLine! Help yourself, help your child, and help our entire Corporate state by contacting UniCO TODAY!

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*In order to participate in this program, children must pass a basic physical and be deemed fit to work. Physical eligibility requirements include the ability to stand for 12 hours a day, the ability to lift and maneuver 20% of the child’s own body weight, and the ability to follow instructions. In order to be signed on as wards of the corporate state, children must also submit a blood panel and be screened for contagious diseases. See the United Corporations webpage for more details.

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Author's notes:

I've always liked unreliable narrators. Here the PSA is describing a future "modern" life as utopian, and for some it may be quite luxurious. But the excesses of this society are built on the human rights abuses and economic manipulations inherent in unfettered capitalism. Ultimately, for the out group much of the narrator's celebratory and congratulatory language is a lie-- so are his admonishments against the poor.

Also, this story is definitely playing to my own fears, regarding the far right's interference with vital regulatory governing agencies here in the US. No, DOGE hasn't done all of the things I've described in this fictional story. But they are doing harm.

I keep thinking things in the US are only going to get worse. DOGE shouldn't exist, not the way it does. And it shouldn't be headed by a billionaire meme-lord. The whole thing is so surreal and wacky, but the sabotage is real.

At first I thought about fictionalizing the names of these agencies and figures. But I decided to use real world names because I intend this story as artistic criticism and I didn't want these criticisms to be veiled. I for one prefer to see criticism stated plainly.

To that end: billionaires should not exist! And they definitely shouldn't be in politics. And they extra-definitely shouldn't be granted the power to interfere with regulatory agencies that keep said billionaire's own ventures in line! Conflict of interests abound!

If this story I've written loses merit because of its open criticism of capitalism, corporate powers, and the current state of US politics, so be it.

One last thing I'll say: Within the US, one of the most important regulatory efforts which our government has tried to develop and enforce has been DEI initiatives. No thoughtful, empathetic person should be opposed to fair and equitable hiring practices. While there's plenty of gray area around exactly what constitutes "Fair" it is absolutely undeniable that white men have received an unearned historical advantage when it comes to hiring, and that this trend continues today, with real world consequences.

Source: https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/features/2024-07-29/white-men-the-most-likely-to-get-hired-even-with-dei-finds-research

It's implied by the very nature of capitalism that a free market will never care about diversity, equity, or inclusion unless these values somehow manage to affect the bottom line. And so, aside from the occasional influence of the rare CEO with empathy-- corporations and more broadly, industries will never make DEI initiatives of their own accord. Thus, progress towards equity and fairness must be enforced through top down governmental action or through bottom up popular movements.

While I didn't come right out and say it in the story, DEI getting chopped in our modern world is an obvious push towards free market capitalism, one which we should reject when and where we can. I tried to hint the free market's stark opposition to DEI through the narrator's misrepresentation of MLK as a Free market capitalist. MLK was definitely opposed to capitalism, and described it as necessarily abusive in design, function, and purpose.

I also thought it would actually be fairly on-brand for my narrator, a lying, far right mouth-piece to be twisting King's words to further a contradictory message.

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I wrote this to function as a stand-alone, but it has some continuity with an ongoing series of anti-capitalist stories set in the same universe.

If anyone's interested:

Chronologically the this LifeLine PSA comes first. Next, The Bondage of Immortech, followed by The Authority of Immortech.

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And of course, as with all my stories: if anyone has feedback on this writing, don't hesitate to let me know! I appreciate criticism, my goal after all is to improve :)