Letting Go and Finding Serenity: A Stoic Perspective on Attachment and Loss

Letting Go and Finding Serenity: A Stoic Perspective on Attachment and Loss

In the Star Wars prequels, the romance between Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and Queen of Naboo Padmé Amidala unfolds, revealing a tale of extreme fear of loss and attachment. Anakin's love for Padmé is so overpowering that he is willing to betray the Jedi Order and embrace the Dark Side to prevent any separation from her. While this extreme example may seem far-fetched, the fear of losing loved ones and strong emotional attachments are fears many people share.

The Stoics, ancient philosophers known for their wisdom and rationality, discourage such intense attachments to things outside of our control, including other individuals. Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher, criticized the wish for loved ones to live forever, as it attempts to control the uncontrollable and hope for the impossible. Despite this philosophical stance, most people experience significant struggles after losing loved ones, making the fear of loss and the distress of grief seemingly natural phenomena.

Attachments, especially strong emotional bonds with others, are often celebrated and normalized in our society. Human biology itself is wired to foster connections with fellow beings. However, Stoicism warns that the magnitude of our attachments can lead to emotional turmoil. Strong attachment to external things, whether objects or people, leaves our happiness at the mercy of fate. Our joy fluctuates depending on whether these attachments stay or leave, causing an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Anakin Skywalker's story illustrates how attachments can enslave us. Stoically speaking, his desires are the shackles that bind him. A truly free person would not act based on external circumstances, attachments, and disabling emotions but from a place of reason, free from irrational desires. Seeking to keep loved ones close to us can be selfish, focusing on our desires rather than their well-being and the common good. Anakin's actions are a clear example of how strong attachments can lead to disastrous consequences.

The Stoics argue that external things, including our loved ones, are not genuinely ours because we do not have control over them. Instead of claiming ownership, the Stoics teach us to view them as borrowed, knowing that they can be taken away at any moment. This perspective enables us to better cope with loss and separation, realizing that we don't truly lose people; we merely return them to the universe as they were never ours.

Engaging in passionate romances, celebrated by modern society, can lead to intense emotional experiences. Stoics viewed such passions as problematic, as they arise from irrational judgments of situations. The key to overcoming these passions lies in disciplining our thoughts and practicing rational thinking. Stoicism aims to uproot these passions using reason and understanding that some proto-emotions, involuntary bodily reactions, are unavoidable.

While Stoicism promotes emotional equanimity, it acknowledges the challenges of achieving complete detachment, especially in the face of loss. Seneca's letter to his mother offers a more realistic approach to grief, suggesting that moderation in expressing sorrow is a reasonable middle ground. He advises taking responsibility for one's emotional well-being by studying philosophy and applying its teachings to heal emotional wounds.

In conclusion, the Stoic philosophy provides valuable insights into coping with attachments and the pain of loss. While it may be challenging to attain complete emotional detachment, practicing rationality and moderation can lead to a more balanced and serene approach to life. Stoicism reminds us to cherish our loved ones while accepting that their presence is temporary, fostering a greater appreciation for the moments shared and the lessons learned through detachment.

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