Leos Aren’t Supposed To Be Painfully Shy

Lions are the kings and prides of the jungle. They’re brave, fearless, and walk through the jungle with their head held high and full of dignity. They exude a quiet confidence amongst their herd but aren’t afraid to command attention when it counts.

Out of all the personality tests and universe conceiving notions about who I am or should be, the idea of being defined by my astrological sign is the one I believe in the least. Maybe because I’m nothing like the King of the Jungle.

If you knew me, you would find it rather ironic that I would be born in the sign of Leo. It’s definitely ironic to me. I’m nothing like the arrogant and aggressive Leo. Leos dominate and want to be the centre of attention. I couldn’t be anything further as I cower in the corner at parties grazing on a chip for what seems like hours.

I was painfully shy as a kid.

I’d be the one in the back corner of the classroom, never raising my hand and avoided all eye contact with my teacher for fear that she would call on me. My heart would palpitate out of my chest as my time grew closer to present (it still does). I’ve never grown out of that shy kid phase. I’ve never made so much as a squeak much less a mighty roar.

Leos are self-assured, confident, and irresistibly charming. Tell that to the 6th grader who got a word wrong on her spelling test and started bawling her eyes out. That little girl staring out the window as her “friends” are at the playground right across the street of her house don't believe in this either.

I was painfully shy as a kid and it’s even more excruciating as an adult.

Parties, presentations, group work, public speaking has always brought me anxiety. Even when I’m casually hanging out with my group of friends, I am starkly aware of how quiet I am.

I have stories too.

I hold myself back, reserved, and don’t share a lot about myself. What I tend to share are superficial stories, nothing of substance. It isn’t until I'm comfortable enough around you that I will do a deep dive into my feelings, past, and ideals for life. I wish I could be the person who shares their life story with you the moment we meet. I care too much to do that. Maybe that can be perceived as snobbish or egotistical but I’m really just scared.

I am not a natural leader

I had worked at my (former) company for about a year and a half. My performance reviews were exceptional and was informed that I would be promoted into a managerial position. Anyone climbing the corporate ladder would’ve been ecstatic to hear this. I quit my job the following week and decided to accept a lower paying job, with a lower title instead. I didn’t want to lead or manage anyone. I just wanted to put my head down and do the work.

Being a fire sign means being born a natural leader and I was anything but.

Calling the shots and making decisions are definitely not my strengths. Ambition at work is not necessarily what I’m known for. One of the worst moments of realization for me was when our new Finance director called me into his office to get to know me better. He asked me a very standard question, “What are your 5 year goals in this organization?” I stared at him blankly.

I had no answer.

That’s stuck with me ever since. How can I not have any long-term goals for a job I plan to spend a third of my days? Leos are supposed to have a plan and I did not.

I’ve always wished I was more like a Leo

I don’t know anything about the alignment of the sun, the moon, and the stars. All I know is that I’m not anything a Leo should be...for the most part. A few things the stars got right is that I am creative, loyal to a fault, and motivated to inspire people to be their best selves.

I’ve always wanted to be a true Leo.

Leos are passionate, determined, fiercely loyal and creative. They’re not afraid to speak their minds. They’re self-assured and know their self-worth. They don’t care what other people think. Instead, I’m self-conscious, care way too much about what others think of me, and reserved.

Through the years, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what your sign is. We look to our astrological signs because we want some sort of answer to explain why we are the way we are. We want something bigger than ourselves to explain our shortcomings and our talents.

We want an astrological sign to explain our entire life away instead of working hard for the life we want.

It seems silly to be something you already are but I’ve always wanted to be more like a Leo.

But I can’t.

I can only be me.