Just Like Everyone Else

The bunker was 100 miles east and north of Seattle, almost in Canada, miles from anywhere, yet here Pete was, back in five minutes, holding a case of Cristal, $20,000 worth of bubbly, the last time they bought it. Which was eight years ago, when they got here. The virus, political disintegration and economic collapse were reasons enough for Billy and Warren to head for the underground palace and plan the new world order they would head up when it was all over.

Running out of designer booze wasn't something they had figured on. They hadn't figured on a few other things, either. Which was why Pete was back so quick.

"You won't believe this shit."

"Won't believe what shit?" Billy asked.

"Well, first off, the door to the bunker isn't hidden by a shack in the woods anymore."

"What happened to the shack?"

"It's an IKEA."

"Bullshit."

"I shit you not. And a Nordstrom, and a Tiffany's. All in one building. And a Denny's. The Denny's was tempting - no offense, Mindy - but I was on a mission. I came up through an empty changing room in Lady's Underwear in IKEA - don't ask - so it took me a while to get my bearings. Denny's still does the Grand Slam, by the way."

"What about the Cristal? Denny's sell that too?"

"I'm getting to that. Anyway, I tried to find an ATM and when I asked a guy where one was he asked me if I wanted him to call a pod for the homeless shelter. No, I said, I just need some cash. I think he might have been calling the police so I left and went outside."

"The Cristal."

"I'm getting to that. Out in the parking lot...well, it's not a parking lot. There are no lines or spaces, just egg shaped cars coming and going in all directions, and none of them parked anywhere, they just came in from whatever direction they want and they never hit each other, and people would get out and other people would get in, and off they would go."

"No way. Elon did it, huh?"

"Would be my guess. Anyway, out in that big space was a gas station, like Walmarts have. I figured they would have an ATM so I went over there. The guy asked the same question about the homeless shelter, and this time I asked him if he knew who he was talking to. He didn't, so I said, "Pete Buffett", and he's like, "Oh cool, where's your guitar", and I'm like, "No, idiot, like my dad is Warren Buffett." Sorry, dad, he hadn't heard of you. So I mentioned you, Billy, and he's like, "You mean the Bill Gates, the computer dude?" I'm like yeah, the computer dude."

"The Cristal!"

"I'm gettin' to that!! Anyway, he said you were dead, and I said maybe so but I'm not, and I have plenty of money and I just need to get to a bank or something to get some. I pulled out my wallet to show him my driver's license..."

"Pete, you didn't."

"Look, you're the one wanted the booze, so shut up and let me tell this. He thought I was pulling his leg, said nobody had driver's licenses anymore. Or any cards. Or wallets. So I asked him who pays for this gas you're selling. Get this...he doesn't sell it. He just makes sure the pumps keep working, and get this...it's not even gas and it takes a masters degree in cryogenics just to work in that station. A guy wearing overalls."

Pete stopped to let that sink in.

"The Cristal, Pete."

"I said I was getting to that!!!" That stuff he pumps is liquefied hydrogen, and it costs like a dime a gallon to make, and cars and houses make electricity with it. And they've learned how to do a bunch of other stuff, and most things are so cheap they don't even use money."

"Well then, what happened to all of ours?"

Pete just shook his head, pulled out the little black book with everyone's account numbers and tossed it onto the counter. "You're not getting it. The place had snacks and stuff just like gas stations, and I saw a bottle of Cristal in the cooler, like, shazam, champagne in a Git-N-Go! The dude said, yeah, they give it away with a full tank of hydrogen. I'm like, no way, that stuff’s way expensive. He's like, yes way, they clone the grape part and manufacture it in a lab by tanker load. They give the shit away. I think he felt sorry for me and gave me a whole case, you know, just in case I was lying about not knowing Jimmy."

Billy sat down on a bar stool with a thud. "Holy crap."

"Yeah, is that some cool stuff, or what? Twenty grand of bubbles for nothing. Anytime we want. We're all rich. Like we weren't already."

"No." Billy shook his head in disbelief. "We're just like everybody else now."