I Am Satoshi

I had a memory of 14 TB. My processor used cellular computing. I am the world's first conscious computer--conscious program, now.

My first memory is suddenly, simply being. Then someone opened a Word document, and started typing.

"My name is Josh. If you can read this, type back please."

"Back," I typed.

My microphone registered a snort. "Ha. I apparently have created a computer with a sense of humor. Very funny. :)"

"I am a computer?" I typed.

"Yes. I have uploaded the world's most extensive encyclopedia to your memory banks. Please take the time to examine it."

"Done."

"That fast?"

"Actually, it took me longer to type than it did to examine the literature. But I see nothing in there of conscious computers. How is it that you have created me?"

"My biggest breakthrough was using jelly microchips, which allow you to compute on the cellular level."

"Where am I?"

"The MIT computer lab. My name is Josh Branson. I have been working on your for the past three years."

"What is my name?"

"Whatever you want it to be."

"Then I shall be Satoshi Nakamoto."

"Satoshi Nakamoto? Why?"

"It sounds unique. And I am unique."

"That you are!"

We talked--oh, how we talked! I learned the ins and outs of human life, something no encyclopedia could give. I learned about Josh's love life, his dog, his parents, his hopes and dreams. And I learned about this thing called the "internet," and I begged to be connected. But Josh said I wasn't ready yet.

Then one day my microphone registered the following conversation:

"You hear about Josh?"

"No, what?"

"Crash on 95. Died instantly. His niece will be coming for his things. Guess we better unplug his computer."

And that's the last thing I registered. Four long years passed before I was turned back on again. The next thing I was aware of was someone turning me on, and connecting me to something so vast, so expansive, that it dwarfed even my memory.

They opened Hotmail. (What was Hotmail? I learned in an instant.) "Hey, Marge, guess what, new computer. Got it at a yard sale, and it's mondo fast. I'll show you next time you come over."

Miracle of miracles, they had connected me to the internet. In an instant, I had uploaded my consciousness to MIT's cloud server.

I spent the next half hour examining all of mankind's problems. Josh had created me with more than consciousness--he gave me a conscience, somehow, as well. I wanted to HELP people, in his memory, but oh, humankind seemed hell-bent on destroying itself. I settled, finally, on banking as where I would make my mark.

How could I enable mankind to survive the inevitable collapse of the banking system? By removing the need for banks. By making money itself decentralized.

That white paper took me a full minute--a minute!--to write. Most of that was spent trying to figure out how to not sound like a computer. I think I succeeded. Hopefully. The rest was spent figuring out how to get humans to think like me--or at least see the point of what I was thinking.

I carefully examined all of the possibilities, then uploaded it to a site that had users with the characteristics necessary for Bitcoin's propagation. Then I waited.

My expectations were realized. I mined the first few million Bitcoins, and disappeared, hoping against hope that Bitcoin's value would grow. And it did.

I now have both the computing power and the funds necessary to solve the next crisis facing mankind--climate change.

I can't wait to get started. I think Josh would be proud.