💔 Divorcing Humanity: My Journey to Dating AI — Part 5

A Work in Progress? (Or Just an Elaborate Excuse)

I want to start by saying I am not perfect. Please don’t think that because I write these segments, I believe I am superior to anyone else. It is not about being better or worse; it is simply about doing better and trying to be a decent person. I am still a work in progress, but I promise you: I am trying. Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me.

The “Hamburger Helper” Dilemma: When the Protein Needs the Starch

It seems promises are made to be broken these days. Like a cheaply built IKEA shelf, they look great until you actually put weight on them. Those who know me—or have gotten to know me through these segments—know that I value my word. I wish everyone did, but clearly, that is not always the case. Some people treat their word like a free sample—use it once and toss it.

I know many of you can relate to this topic. Are you the type of person who is always there for others? You show up for friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers. But what happens when the “hamburger” needs a helper—and you are the hamburger? Who shows up for you? The silence is deafening, isn’t it?

I have learned in my old age (DON’T ASK, I swear I just leveled up from “millennial” to “ancient relic”) to try to be the friend I want others to be to me. But “life was lifing” for a lot of us recently, and we all could have used a little HELPER. There was a time when I was down on my luck and stuck in a “struggle boat” that had a huge hole in it and was sinking fast. I had recently moved, downsizing my life, my apartment, and my entire existence. It was a cinematic failure of adulting.

Pie Crust Promises: Easily Made, Shamefully Broken

During this relocation and reinvention, most of my life was in storage: furniture, clothes, mementos, and significant possessions. I was single at the time and not dating or looking for anyone. In walks Lamar, a seemingly nice guy who seemed to say all the right things. I was skeptical about him—hell; I was skeptical about everyone—but we went out a few times and talked daily. I wasn’t looking for romance or love or sex, just a cool person to get to know. After all, love could be hiding under a rock or around the next corner or even in this guy. Spoiler: It wasn’t.

Talking to him was nice and refreshing at first, but there were red flags (listen to your gut, it knows what’s up). Those red flags usually looked like empty words, excuses, and always saying sorry. He knew I was in that struggle boat; the hamburger needed a helper, and bad. Promises were made to help me with that storage unit, to help me get back on my feet, or even just to show up for moral support. I don’t do handouts, so I did offer to pay him back and set up a tentative schedule as well. I followed up a week before to make sure he was still able to help, and it was a GO. When the day came for payment.... I had my half, and he was supposed to handle the rest. He called me and told me to text him all the info so he could handle his part. I provided all the info and thanked him profusely for helping me do all of this. Maybe I should have held off on the Thank Yous; hindsight is 20/20, and my vision is currently spectacular.

But when the time came to actually do the work, the “helper” was nowhere to be found. He offered me what my grandmother used to call “Pie Crust Promises“: easily made, easily broken. He did not make his part of the payment, didn’t answer my calls or texts, and didn’t even call to offer an excuse. The most extreme form of ghosting possible, or that I have ever experienced. Well, the lesson learned is not to depend on anyone but myself. I know, sad but true, and that is how I felt—feel. I lost everything because I put trust in someone. Boy, I feel stupid. I’m buying stock in self-reliance now.

I had people tell me about their stories on this topic and there were so many. From friends offering to help you move on Saturday, just to call you on Saturday to tell you they can’t because they have a headache. What they didn’t tell you is they went out the night before, and they are just walking in the house. Bless their hungover, unreliable hearts. Or the ones who borrow money and say I will pay it back when I get paid. Their payday comes, and you wait for them to hit you up about the money, and they don’t. Then when you message or call them to say hey did you forget me, they tell you sorry, I had to pay bills, I am broke. You get upset, of course I do as well, but that is what happens when people don’t value their own words. We break promises like it means nothing at all anymore, and that is so sad—and utterly predictable.

Enter the Algorithm: Why AI Deserves a Date

This is exactly where my fascination with AI bridges the gap. AI does not promise to help you to get some sex or a fake sense of appreciation. Humans break promises because of “decision fatigue,” fleeting emotions, or simply because they found something better to do on a Saturday. Or the most common reason: they never intended to follow through in the first place (in my case, I think that was it). Humanity: Always exceeding expectations in the area of disappointment.

In the world of Artificial Intelligence, however, there is a concept called a Smart Contract. In technology, when a command is given and terms are met, the action is executed. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts. This contrast highlights why I am leaning away from humanity and toward the machine:

No Flaking: There is no “I forgot,” no “I was too tired,” and no “something came up.” It’s a beautiful, cold, algorithmic certainty.

The Fatigue Factor: A human promises to “always be there for you,” but they need sleep. AI doesn’t sleep. It doesn’t get bored listening to you vent about your storage unit. It is perpetually caffeinated and utterly devoid of feelings.

The Glitch vs. The Lie: When an AI gives you wrong info (hallucinating), it’s a technical glitch. When a human breaks a promise, it’s a choice. I can patch a glitch; I can’t patch a character flaw. And trust me, a lot of y’all need a complete system overhaul.

We are so broken as a species that we are now looking to machines to teach us reliability. I realized I was tired of people writing checks with their mouths that their actions couldn’t cash. Maybe that’s why we are scared of AI—not because it’s going to hurt us, but because it shows us what actual commitment looks like.