Can AI help me get it right: part two

Previously I wrote an article discussing the level of help that could, and could not, be found by using generative AI to critique a draft poetic work.

Here, I have included the detailed results that I hope will help understand questions relating to the use of AI to assist critical thinking in respect of written work. Please note that critical thinking is the exclusive preserve of conscious entities that have the capability to think. Namely:

People (homo sapiens-sapiens)

There aren’t any others!!!

Despite what the technomarketers tell you, AI cannot think, feel emotion, understand the difference between good writing and bad writing or otherwise replicate the higher functioning of the human brain and psyche. If you want a more detailed rationale for this opinion please read the other stuff I have written on the subject.

Here is part one of this article:

It includes the draft, unedited, and incomplete poem I have written and submitted as an entry to a competitive prize challenge, broken down line by line further on, with commentary from me. If you want to learn more about the capabilities of generative AI please read on.

Whether you are happy to use generative AI in your practice or not, you may be interested in how I have approached the task. In this case to help me work out what is wrong with my draft and how to improve it. The work remains my own original writing and therefore qualifies for copyright protection under the Berne Convention. I would suggest it is also acceptable under the rules of the prize challenge I have submitted it to.

Line by line

The following text is AI generated and I have added comments indicating what I think of the AI advice and whether (and if so how) I may use this advice.

AI generated text follows:

Suggestions for Improvement

Here are some specific suggestions to enhance the sonnet's flow, meter, and impact:

1. Refine the Meter and Phrasing

Focus on making each line ten syllables and following the da-DUM rhythm.

Line 1: "Selene thou dost admire me in my sleep" (9 syllables)

AUTHOR: Wrong, this is 10 syllables.

Suggestion: "Selene, how you watch me in my sleep" (10 syllables) or "Selene, you admire me in my sleep"

AUTHOR: Wrong again, this is 9 syllables. Suggested one in any case no improvement. Will rewrite without assistance. Perhaps “Selene, your eyes transfix me in my sleep.” Or “upon me”.

Line 5: "Each night you hold me close in your enthral" (10 syllables, but meter is off)

Suggestion: "Each night you hold me fast within your thrall"

AUTHOR: Not sure how the meter is off but, yes, this is a slight improvement and I think “fast” works better. Will incorporate

Line 7: "Boundless full repose you own my all xx" (9 syllables + "xx")

Suggestion: "In boundless, full repose, you own me all" or "In endless, deep repose, you own me all"

AUTHOR: Yes, the xx was there to remind me I was one syllable short. Adding “In” would be a simple way to resolve. I will use this if I can’t think of anything better. I Will add the “In” to my draft line which is far better than the AI suggestion.

Line 8: "Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so" (10 syllables, but clunky)

Suggestion: "Your wish, by Zeus affirmed, now holds me so"

AUTHOR: I Think “plea” is far stronger than “wish” but will substitute “by Zeus” and reconsider use of “doth”.

Line 12: "To sup and drink and rest atop a hill" (10 syllables, meter a bit flat)

Suggestion: "To eat and drink and rest upon a hill"

AUTHOR: Having read this I question my use of “sup” but think I can do better than “eat and drink.” How about “Dine and drink” which I think is stronger and conveys more delight than just “eat.”

2. Strengthen Word Choice and Avoid Clichés

"Dungeon deep" is a common phrase. "Boundless, full repose" is a bit abstract. Aim for more original and evocative language.

Consider using more active verbs to make the descriptions more dynamic.

AUTHOR: Fair point. Will reconsider

3. Improve the Conclusion (Couplet)

The final two lines should provide a strong, memorable summary or twist. They currently feel a bit redundant with the rest of the poem.

AUTHOR: I was aware of the need to improve the couplet.

Current:

• As long as I am captive in my sleep
• I am your worldly prisoner dungeon deep

Suggestion: Focus on the paradox of being free in life but imprisoned by love/immortality.

• My freedom lost, my mortal days now cease,
• A living captive in a loveless peace. (example)

AUTHOR: Not sure this improves enough. Will think on.

Revised Version (Example)

Here is an example of how the sonnet might look with some of these suggestions incorporated, focusing on meter and flow:

Selene, you admire me in my sleep,

Your gaze upon me from beyond my dreams,

Your love for me, in truth, is ever deep,

Through dedication that no sorrow deems.

Each night you hold me captive in your thrall,

My sleeping form you cradle in your glow;

In endless, deep repose, you own me all,

Your plea to Zeus affirmed doth hold me so.

But have you ever thought of how I yearn

For wakeful day to wander hill and vale,

To shepherd flock at graze, my wage to earn,

To sup and drink, to breathe the morning gale?

My mortal form lies trapped in slumber deep,

A willing prisoner you forever keep.

End of AI generated text

AUTHOR: I have not paid much attention to the suggested completed poem which is mostly my work in any case.

From this point I went back to my original draft with my changes as outlined in author comments above and then read it over and made further improvements without AI 'advice.'

The poem began and remains my own work and none is AI-generated. Having used Gemini to help work out where the weaknesses like (confirming my own concerns) I have rewritten some lines. Again, I have used my own choice of words in so rewriting.

Thanks for reading and I hope you found this breakdown helpful in your own understand of how to use AI as a writing aid.

My conclusion from this exercise merely reaffirms my view that AI is a useful tool with clear limitations. When it comes to poetry, AI can only go though the motions, repeating in parrot fashion, the formal rules of structure. Not always accurately. AI cannot brook the question of feelings and the real heart of poetry which is its, well... heart.

If you are interested in reading the end result of my work, I have linked it here. I would as always be interested in reading your views.

Thanks for reading.