Women Have Wet Dreams Too

We’ve all heard of wet dreams. The phrase is practically stapled into the awkward teenage boy handbook. Health teachers explain it, sitcoms joke about it, and society generally shrugs and says, “Yeah, that’s normal.”

But when it comes to women? Silence. No mention in sex ed. No nod in the cultural conversation. It’s as if the female body quietly switches itself off at night like a well-behaved appliance. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

Women absolutely do have orgasms in their sleep. They’re called nocturnal orgasms or more casually sleep orgasms, and they’re a natural, healthy, and honestly fascinating part of human sexuality. Yet most women don’t hear about them until they’ve had one and gone to Google at 3am asking, “Wait… did that just happen?”

So let’s talk about it — the biology, the psychology, and the cultural politics of women climaxing while they sleep. And let’s do it in a way that reclaims the narrative from the tired old idea that orgasms are something women receive rather than something our bodies can produce all on their own.

What is a sleep orgasm, really?

Put simply, it’s an orgasm that happens while you’re asleep. Your body goes through the same physiological response you’d have if you were awake and turned on: blood rushes to the genitals, muscles contract, your heart rate spikes, and the brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals.

The difference is, you’re not consciously directing it. You might be dreaming about something erotic, but you might also be dreaming about missing the bus. Your brain doesn’t always need a sexy script; sometimes your body just takes matters into its own hands.

Why do women orgasm in their sleep?

Science points to a few overlapping reasons. During REM sleep (that stage where your eyes twitch and dreams run wild), blood flow to the pelvic area naturally increases. For men, this often results in an erection. For women, it can mean clitoral swelling, lubrication, and, sometimes, orgasm.

There’s also the role of the pelvic floor. Those muscles are active even while you’re unconscious, and random contractions can be enough to push the body over the edge. Add in the fact that orgasms are a great way for the nervous system to release tension, and you start to see why your body occasionally hands you a freebie.

The bottom line: sleep orgasms are a mix of biology, brain activity, and the body’s self-regulation. They don’t require sexual activity, a partner, or even a conscious thought.

How common are female sleep orgasms?

More common than people think. Studies suggest around 37% of women report having had at least one sleep orgasm. That number is likely an undercount because, let’s face it, not everyone’s rushing to announce, “Guess what happened to me in my sleep last night?”

And unlike male wet dreams, which are acknowledged almost as a rite of passage, women’s experiences get swept under the rug. That silence makes it easy for women to feel like they’re weird or broken for experiencing something that’s actually perfectly normal.

When do they happen?

The simple answer: at any time, in any stage of life. Teenagers can have them, but so can women in their 40s, 60s, or beyond. Menopause doesn’t slam the door shut on your brain-body connection.

They also don’t rely on your sex life. You don’t need to be actively dating, partnered, or even interested in sex. Your body runs its own show. And as for timing? They tend to happen in REM sleep, but the “schedule” is unpredictable.

So why don’t we talk about it?

Because women’s sexuality has historically been treated as secondary, shameful, or irrelevant. Male orgasms were studied, charted, and explained, while women’s pleasure was ignored.

Think back to sex education: boys are taught about erections, ejaculation, and wet dreams. Girls? We’re lucky if anyone mentions ovulation without using the word “mystical.” Female nocturnal orgasms barely make a footnote.

There’s also a patriarchal undertone to all this silence. The idea that women’s bodies can literally give themselves pleasure without needing men? That’s threatening to the status quo. So, conveniently, it gets left out of the narrative.

Is it healthy?

Yes. In fact, it’s a sign that your body is functioning as it should. Sleep orgasms are harmless, often pleasurable, and sometimes even stress-relieving. Orgasms release oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine — nature’s mood-boosters.

There’s no downside to them, other than maybe waking up annoyed you can’t rewind the dream and play it again.

Can you make them happen more often?

Here’s where we hit the frustrating truth: you can’t schedule them like dentist appointments. Sleep orgasms are spontaneous by nature. That said, there are a few things that might make them more likely:

• Exploring your sexuality while awake — a body that’s comfortable with pleasure is more likely to experience it unconsciously.

• Reducing stress before bed — a calmer nervous system can be more responsive.

• Simply knowing it’s possible — awareness matters. Many women don’t even realise what’s happening, which makes it harder to connect the dots.

But the real beauty of sleep orgasms is that they’re not something you can fully control. They remind us that pleasure isn’t always about effort or performance. Sometimes it’s about surrender.

Why talking about sleep orgasms is feminist

This isn’t just about science trivia. It’s about reclaiming women’s bodies from the silence that’s been imposed on them. Normalising sleep orgasms challenges the narrative that men’s sexual experiences are natural and women’s are strange or marginal.

It also reframes the conversation around autonomy. If your body can literally give you pleasure without conscious thought, it proves that sexuality isn’t dependent on someone else’s involvement. That’s a powerful counter to the centuries-old script of women’s pleasure being secondary, mysterious, or non-essential.

Even the language around it matters. Men get “wet dreams,” which sounds almost heroic. Women? Barely a term at all. Just the awkwardly clinical “nocturnal orgasm.” Maybe it’s time we reclaim it with something bolder — call them “dreamgasms” if you like. Because really, why should men have all the catchphrases?

A few fun facts before you go

Victorian doctors once tried to classify spontaneous orgasms in women as signs of hysteria. (Because apparently female pleasure always needs diagnosing, not celebrating.)

Women who regularly orgasm while awake are more likely to have them during sleep too. It’s not about “training,” but your body does tend to echo what it’s familiar with.

And finally: men don’t get a monopoly on nighttime fun. Women’s bodies are just as capable of turning dreams into orgasms — we just need to start talking about it as openly.

The takeaway

Women having orgasms in their sleep is not rare, shameful, or mysterious. It’s a completely natural phenomenon that deserves the same open acknowledgement that male wet dreams get.

So if you wake up from a dream flushed, breathless, and slightly smug, don’t feel confused or embarrassed. Feel powerful. Your body just gifted you an orgasm while you were doing absolutely nothing. That’s multitasking at its finest.

And the more we talk about it, the more we dismantle the silence that has kept women’s experiences hidden for far too long. Because yes — women’s pleasure matters, even when we’re unconscious.