Why did I share My Wife

I never imagined jealousy could be a turn-on, and if you haven’t experienced that, my words will probably just sound confusing or farfetched. Before I’d seen my wife with another man, if someone had told me he was turned on by being jealous, I would have said that’s nuts!

What happened was this. My wife cheated on me. It wasn’t a long-term affair. She went to a party, got drunk, and fooled around with another guy. They didn’t have sex, but they made out for a long time, he sucked on her nipples, and she gave him a blowjob.

She confessed to me the next day. She was deeply sorry and racked with guilt, and I felt all the things a husband usually feels in such situations. I was furious. I cried. I felt betrayed. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I realized I was a little turned on. But I had way too much anxiety and anger to focus on that.

But my wife and I have a really strong relationship. When this happened, we’d already been together for many years, and I didn’t for a second think she wanted to leave me. I certainly didn’t want to leave her. Over the next couple of weeks, I found myself feeling less and less angry and upset. Then the anger was completely gone, and I was left only with the turned-on feeling, which was now impossible for me to ignore.

I started fantasizing about watching my wife with another man. I told her this, and it became part of our pillow talk. I asked her to describe her experience at the party in great detail, and it took about four times for her to be able to get through the telling me without me ejaculating after she said, “And then he kissed me” or “And then he unbuttoned my top.” It was very, very strange to discover that, at a relatively late age, I’d developed (seemingly out of nowhere) a new fetish. And such a counterintuitive one. But this being the age of the web, a few Google searches (for “cuckold”) proved I was far from alone.

My wife and I started exploring stuff with other men. We never became lifestyle swingers, but we dabbled. And what I found, again and again, was that the jealousy was all mixed up with the sexiness for me.

If you’ve never experienced it, the best I way I can describe it is by comparing it to the adrenaline rush many people get from horror movies and roller coasters. On the face of it, why would anyone purposefully go to a movie or amusement park to be scared? Isn’t being scared a bad thing? Not, for many people, if the fear is in exactly the right dose. Few people want to be chased by an actual axe murderer, and most people get bored by lame, not-scary horror films. To be satisfying, a horror movie must flirt with danger without getting too intense.

The same was true with my cuckolding experiences. I found that if my wife just had mechanical sex with another guy, I got bored. She had to be really into it, making love to the other guy rather than just fucking him. And I often enjoyed seeing her make out with other guys even more than I enjoyed watching her have sex with them. It had to seem intimate and she had to be really into it — or it wouldn’t make me jealous.

But I certainly didn’t want her falling in love with another guy or even dating another guy. Had that happened, I would have been just as upset as a “normal” guy. I wasn’t worried about this happening, because my wife and I have such a strong bond, but, had it happened, I would have been devastated.

So I was just like a horror movie fan who wanted to be scared but not too scared. I got turned on when my wife was in another man’s arms or sitting on his lap, kissing him deeply, and my stomach started turning over with jealousy. It was the rush of risk. But that wasn’t too risky. It was nausea and the good kind of butterflies in the stomach, all at the same time. Very confusing, but also intoxicating!