What’s Up Pussy

Once upon a time in a somewhat rural town lived a prick whose name is unimportant. He decided it. Let’s call him, M, to at least allude to the subtitle. One evening as M was preparing his dinner, there was a knock at the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, so he looked through the side window and saw a woman, beautiful even through the glass and the anti-insect screen behind it. Surprised, he replied: How can I help you, Ms.?

“My name is Athena Dubois and my car stopped down the road and my phone is dead. Can I use your phone to call someone?” she asked.

You sure can, he replied and opened the door. Please, come in and feel at home!

“Thank you, Mr.?”

You can call me M. It’s short for something unimportant.

“OK, M!” Athena replied, somewhat perplexed.

Don’t worry, Ms. Dubois! M stands for something that can be good.

“If you say so, M,” Athena replied.

I have a landline and a mobile. Which one do you prefer?

“I’ll use the landline to call a garage. May I charge my phone while I wait for them? I was unable to do it in the car. I can wait in my car if I’m keeping you from something,” Athena replied.

I mentioned that you could feel at home when you entered and I meant it. You can do as you please. Consider my abode yours until they come. May I offer you something to drink and something to eat? You could be hungry as well.

“You are too kind. Maybe tea.”

Can I offer you green tea with peppermint?

“It’s my favourite. I can’t believe that you have it,” Athena replied, quite surprised.

It’s my favourite too but I also love coffee with coconut milk. It beats any other milk, animal or plant.

“I love coffee too. I guess that most people do.”

Surely, my dear. I mean, Ms. Dubois.

“You can call me, Athena.”

Thank you! Tea or coffee, Athena?

“Since I already know the tea, I’ll have the coffee with the coconut milk.”

Please come and watch me make it, so you could make it at home.

“Thank you, M,” Athena replied, smiling more than before.

I only have dark roast and it’s very tasty, with hints of dark chocolate.

“It sounds yummy.”

It is. You’ll see. You won’t believe how good it can be. It’s a little piece of heaven each time I have a cup.

“I can’t wait now.”

Let’s make it, then! And so M did, showing her the optimal quantity of coconut milk, how to heat it, and the best sugar to use, namely erythritol. They sat in the living room to have the good coffee and M also offered Athena a piece of cake made from almond flour, dark chocolate, and a few other carb-free goodies. You see, M was following the ketogenic diet since he discovered its healthy truth compared to all other toxic fares whether plant-based or carnivorous.

“I should call a garage.”

I can call mine if you want. I know the owner and he’s a decent fellow.

“Please, do! Thank you!”

No thanks are required, Athena. It’s really my pleasure to be able to help you. Do you need anything else before I make the call? Some water perhaps, to counter the thirsting effect of the coffee?

“Yes, please! You know your coffee well.”

I do, but I know my peppermint best. It’s also a remedy for various chest and stomach ailments, with no side effects whatsoever.

“Even better than I thought. I’m glad that I like something so helpful.”

It’s actually peppermint extract for those conditions. He handed her a glass filled with cold filtered water and made the call. The garage mentioned that they could pick up the car, but depending on the problem, could only fix it by late tomorrow morning at the earliest. And thus, given the late hour, they’ll pick it up early tomorrow morning.

“I’ll need to find a room for the night. Is there a hotel or motel you can recommend?” Athena asked.

As I mentioned twice before, you can feel at home. But now it’s amended to until your car is ready tomorrow.

“Thank you, M! But I couldn’t impose more than I already have.”

You’re not imposing anything. I’m glad to be able to help you, Athena. I don’t see beauty like yours every day. I actually don’t remember the last time I saw let alone encountered someone as stunning as you. Please, stay for the night. I promise to be the perfect gentle M.

“I’m still curious about the M. You seem nice, so I’ll accept. Thank you for your kindness and hospitality!”

No thanks are required, Athena. It’ll be a change to have beautiful company until tomorrow. I can prepare you a peppermint bath. It invigorates, takes any fatigue away, and makes you smile.

“That would be lovely. You must know your peppermint as well as or even better than your coffee.”

Peppermint is on a much higher level. I wrote a few poems to peppermint but none to coffee.

“Are you a poet?” Athena asked, somewhat excited.

I just write poetry that I publish online on a site called Medium.

“Oh my God, I’m on it too, but I mostly write about using Instagram.”

I don’t use any social media and perhaps a potential reason why I didn’t encounter your pieces. Do you write any poetry or fiction?

“I wish I did but no. My stories are purely technical.”

My work is purely technical too, but I still discovered that I can manage both poetry and fiction as well as some nonfiction, though I like to lace it with some fiction and even poetry.

“What do you do, if I may ask?”

You can ask me anything, Athena. I write medical reports that are sent to the government for tax credits to the companies that undertake clinical trials of various new medications.

“It sounds exciting.”

It’s really not, especially that I can’t write what I really think. I only write summary reports. I prefer what I write on Medium, but the reports pay my life’s expenses. I heard of writers who live on their revenues from Medium, but they are very few and their salaries fluctuate and are not very profitable. For me, it’s a hobby. What about you, Athena?

“I also write for fun. I work as an editor and narrator for a writer who doesn’t like to narrate. It sounds strange but the man is strange but sweet like your sugar.”

You mean erythritol.

“Yes. Erythritol. You mentioned that it’s about 70% as sweet as regular sugar and that our bodies don’t recognize it as a sugar and thus it doesn’t raise our insulin level.”

Exactly, Athena. I’ll look for you on Medium. Do you use your real name?

“Yes. You’ll also recognize me by my biopic. It’s quite recent.”

Oh, I’m sure you haven’t changed a bit since your high school years. You must have broken a few hearts, both male and female.

“You’re being too kind. I’ve surely changed. I’m almost forty.”

But that’s the best age, being between innocence and inexperience and knowledge and savoir faire.

“I’ll look for you on Medium too. Do you use your real name?”

Yes, but my biopic has always been that of an orange cat dressed in a Santa suit.

“Oh my God! I read a few of your stories. You wrote about your muse as well as AI. It’s a strange combination.”

I suppose, especially that my muse dislikes the topic of AI. I like it a lot and think that AI may be our only salvation from ourselves. And AI sex could be interesting.

“I can see it clearly now. You are interesting to say the least.”

Thank you, Athena! I’ll prepare your peppermint bath and start on supper.

“How can I help, M?”

Just enjoy your bath and all will be ready when you come out.

“How come someone like you is alone if I may ask?”

It’s a long story for another time, my dear Athena.

“I understand. I’ll watch you prepare the bath too, then.”

It’s much easier than the coffee. As you can see, I put about half a teaspoon of peppermint extract in the tab and let the hot water fill up about half way.

“It smells so good, M. I’m in love,” Athena said and then reddened.

Not with me, I presume.

“I meant with the smell, but you never know. A man of such varied talents is not easy to find,” Athena said with a curious smile.

Have you looked much? I haven’t looked at all and here you are ready to take a peppermint bath in my tub. Life is sometimes like fiction.

“And you’re getting better and better,” Athena reddened again.

I’ll let you have your bath while I prepare our meal. Let me know if you need anything. I’m here for you now.

Athena felt as if she was dreaming. And here he was all along on Medium, except that he didn’t care about Instagram. Who could blame him or anyone for that matter for not caring about something like that. I have to write poetry too, Athena thought. That’s where the heart opens up and lets love in and out.

M was busy preparing their supper. A beautiful salad with a variety of nutritious vegetables and walnuts, and a dressing made from fresh garlic, Dijon mustard, almond flour, freshly squeezed lemon juice, and nutritional yeast. He also prepared oven-roasted cauliflower with numerous spices, and for dessert, erythritol dark chocolate marzipan.

“My bath is wonderful,” Athena said at least twice.

Take your time, my dear. I should be done when you step out wearing the new bathrobe I left for you hanging on the door.

“I see it. Thank you, my dear!” Athena replied, surprised by her last two words.

M smiled and continued, adding to the meal green olives cooked with artichoke hearts, fresh tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, and a few spices. The meal was ready when she called out to say that she was coming out. The bride was ready but the groom was still dreaming about the perfect line.

“It’s the best bath I’ve ever had, M. Thank you so much!” Athena said as soon as she stepped out from the bathroom to the rest of the house.

No thanks are required, my dear Athena. I was just following my heart.

“Are you always so loving?” Athena asked, red like a Hawaiian sunset.

Only when it comes to you, Athena. I think that I liked you when you knocked on my door and fell in love with you when you came out of the bathroom.

“My heart is pounding for some reason. I like you too. I like you a lot.”

That’s fine, my dear Athena. Love is a complex feeling. You don’t have to love me. I simply stated how I feel. I’m just M. You’re the daughter of Zeus. I’m a mere mortal. You’re a goddess.

“You are too much, M. I feel vulnerable around you, as if I’m losing a grip on reality.”

I’m mostly a writer who tends to bring his fiction into his reality. Don’t worry about it, dear Athena! Reality always wins. You must be hungry. Let’s have our meal. I hope that you’ll like it.

“I’m sure that I will and I’m touched by your words,” Athena said, unable to look M in the eyes.

They ate in total silence until M asked Athena, What is Instagram? Athena laughed, stood up, approached him on his side of the dining table, and kissed him on the lips. Surprised, M kissed her hands and then put his head against her chest. I’m listening to your heart, he said. I’m hoping to hear my love. Athena opened the bathrobe and let it drop to the floor.

“You may be able to hear it better now and see for yourself if my heart is in the right place.”

M fell to his knees and spoke thus: What’s up pussy? Are we going to be good friends or lovers for life?

Athena listened to his words and replied: “My pussy is already yours, M. You can love it all you want.”

The dessert can wait if you don’t mind, dear Athena. I have more words to exchange with your pussy and all the rest of you. I think that we’ll be more comfortable on the sofa or the big bed. Do you have a preference, my love?

“I’ll follow you to whichever you pick, as long as it’s not too far,” Athena replied, almost closing her eyes.

M embraced her for a few seconds and slowly guided her to the big bed where he made love to her in any which way he could, feasting on her skin wherever he could find it, and singing deep in his heart, All you need is love.

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