Soothe Me..

You always know how to calm me ..your voice your words floating into me, undoing the stress, when you do, my body follows without any hesitation. There is nothing I wouldn't give to you for the calm you bring me. The safety of your arms protecting me from the world. 

  The strength of your arms riding up my legs, slowly taking what you need from me. Nothing about it is quick, including the belt around my neck and you pulling it tighter and tighter until I come.  Not orders, or bend to my will but you not using me but letting me be of use. The moment I saw you I fell in love with you, your eyes, the feeling you gave me of safety and home. Nights with you were heaven, a safe place for us to be who we are. In between the movies and brunches in bed were moments of languishing passion. I never had to ask for your attention, we were each others addiction, one that still flows through my veins, etched into my brain and DNA. 

 I was your princess, you my white knight. You were my normal, my home. When I think of you, a fire still burns hotter than the sun. You never unlove someone, or unfeel their passion. 

  You were my protector, not because I needed it but because you choose to be. I was your kryptonite, the thing you would give anything to have. My skin burns for a touch like yours again, to be consumed by you. I wish you were here, where you could hold me, make feel like I am safe and not just an unwanted guest. Though long gone, I still remember every detail of us, what should have been, what could have been. The touch of your hands burning into my skin, marking me in invisible ink forever. I crave you so much, every piece of you. 

 The falling rain reminds me of nights in your arms. Your kids giggling from their rooms or over Facetime. Pretending that I am just hanging out with you, when what is going on more than that. Playing house, I know it is you setting me up to be more than just the "girlfriend." You know once I fell in love with them you had leverage on my heart. Hoping I couldn't tell you no because of them. It was never just the sex, that doesn't hurt but it is only that way because of the way we feel about each other. 

 I remember more than just you pulling your shield around my neck, in your tee shirt with FBI on the back, or the grey one much too big with USCG on it. I can never betray that "bestie" was far more than just a friendship, it was love. It's just easier not to have to explain all the details no one would understand. Simpler to tell them we were just friends. You were my rock, when I didn't need one. Now I need you to be everything that you wanted to be. Only time in my life I have ever had to ask for help and it is you I trust. I have to believe you remember the codeword for "I need you." You always knew how to break down my walls without any thing but trust. You remain the one man I trust, even though so much space and time. We were always bound together, from the moment I met you. Your deep brown eyes looking into mine as we made love, the look of forever being in the here and now. There was no thinking, it just was utter and completely us. We had our differences, how we drank our coffee, mine iced, yours hot, mine with loads of sugar and creamer, yours black. You never slept well, and my safest place was in your bed, in your arms. The world stood still. It was ours. You knew I had wanted to be like you, a lawyer, to go to UGA and be your equal. That I had wanted to be an agent like you, and the closest I came was when I helped you with your cases. We thought alike, we never had any disagreement bigger than where to eat or what movie to watch - and you never could tell me no and mean it. I still look at you like my Dom, because once your submissive always your submissive. You would still be so proud of me, and you never failed to tell me so. You taught me what I didn't know about being a federal agent, in case I ever needed it. Memories of your  blind rage when it came to my safety and protection still make my adrenaline rush with wanting you. They remind me how much we are still a part of each other. You knew how to get me to my knees, love and affection..I would fall not out of fear or pain but devotion, and eagerness to please you. Never required by you but still when it was out of pain, you would pick me up and carry me to bed, tuck me in with my bear and crawl in beside me. The moments of comfort turning to desire, you knowing I needed to feel something good to soothe away the pain, and then unbridled lust. You were always in control. I never had to think it just was this magical space where my brain ceased to have to comprehend complexities and only had to be. Never an order, there was no need, my body was yours to do as you pleased, a willing conduit to all of the pleasure you ever desired .. your gateway to Domspace. You told me it was better than any cases you ever solved, because you had your way, in more ways than one. It was magic, a magic I wish nightly I could recreate in every detail, your body and mine were the perfect fit. Your hands, intertwined in mine, moments that would make God blush all a reality. I could tell you every curve of your body, every muscle just as you knew mine. You would trace my tattoos with your fingers as if you were reading my story in braille on the ink. You know every secret, told willingly and I yours. They will always be safe, you did not betray me. You remain my anchor.